It's time to learn to unlearn

For the majority of our lives, we’ve all been told what to think, believe or accept - usually at the hands (or mouth) of someone else. We have allowed every part of our existence to be shaped by the words, emotions, and experiences of someone else. Leaving us to carry around negative belief systems.

For one to unlearn you must be willing to recognize our belief systems, elicit change, and grow. We can use the recognition as a starting point approaching it with curiosity and a determination to learn differently. We can do this by unlearning rules placed upon us from society, the lies we tell ourselves, and releasing past versions of ourselves and others. We can no longer turn our backs on the process of unlearning. It’s costing us the next generations.

Unlearn our “truths” placed upon us in childhood

When we access our childhood memories we can begin to recognize the limiting beliefs that were passed down to us and accepted as truth. These “truths” hold us back. For example: if you were raised by a parent that constantly told you: you would never amount to anything— you’d carry around the negative belief that you’ll succeed at nothing. We must recognize these negative belief systems and bring into full awareness. This allows us to break the pattern. To live limitlessly and bring our full potential forward.

We can unlearn these belief systems by connecting with the essence of who we were as children. Reclaiming control of the messages you submitted to without your consent. Letting go of the energy surrounding your story— to fully release it, and write a new one.?

Unlearn the "rules" placed upon us within society.

Not only must we recognize beliefs passed down within family systems but we must also look at the rules placed upon us within society.

Society wants us fitting into a box. In American culture there is a rhythm to life in which we are to follow. You’re born, go to school, get good grades, go to college, graduate, get married, find a job, get a house, have children, pay your taxes, retire, grow old and then the cycle ends. Society has given us this blueprint that we have been encourage to follow for centuries and each generation does it’s own work to break down barriers and live out their lives, by their own rules. Within family systems this rhythm of life is celebrated and pushed upon us starting in adolescence. When we deviate from the celebrated rhythm of society it can keep us from going after our true dreams and desires. When we do deviate we question ourselves, wondering if we’re doing things the “right way”.

This can sound like:

“Will I be behind if I take a year off after high school to discover what I really want study?”

"All my friends are getting married but I’m not, I’ll never find love.”

“I want to start my own business, the 9-5 life isn’t making my happy— but this the safest route, I’ll just keep put for a couple more years.”

Sticking to society’s “normal” is limiting and it can leave us feeling trapped with limited space for growth and discovery. But our society needs against the grain people, we need people with the outlook and innovation that might not seem popular at the time.

Unlearning the "lies" you tell yourself

When we mix together the learned behaviors of society and family systems these messages can create limitations within us. These limitations can keep us trapped and generate an environment that produces lies, a lot of “I cant’s”, and negativity. Although society and family systems have a huge impact on us, it is our responsibility to undue the damage done. As much as we like putting the blame elsewhere, we need to be accountable for what we tell ourselves. The more we tell ourselves things the more we start believing in them.?

This can look like:

• Negative self-talk
• Putting limits to who you are and who you can become
• The rules you abide by
• Holding false core beliefs about yourself
• Insecurities

These thoughts can sometimes feel uncontrollable but awareness of them is the first step. We can watch our thoughts enter our headspace, taking the observer seat, not attaching to them as truth, and replacing them with a positive affirmation about ourselves.

For example: You can’t find your car keys, you are searching everywhere and you have to be someplace in the next 20 minutes. So you start saying— I’m so dumb, I always lose things, I cant keep my things straight, I’m so disorganized.

In this instance we take a breath, realize how busy our life has been, that its easy to misplace our items, give ourselves grace, remind ourselves that we can’t be perfect each and every time.

Berating ourselves can happen on the daily. Unlearning the lies you tell yourself starts with awareness but then comes in the desire for change along with the mindfulness of your thoughts and actions.?

As we become more mindful we begin to evolve and grow. Days, months, years pass us by and before we know it, we’re looking back on a past version of ourselves.

As the unlearning process unfolds the inevitable happens, we change.

As the evolution takes place we need to give ourselves the permission to live, think, and believe differently. The same also goes for other people.?

There is that old saying— people don’t change. But to me, that is a false statement. Just as you put in the work of awareness on yourself and change, why cant other people? If you are going to give yourself the grace— why cant we offer the same to others? We must give others the same space to make mistakes, learn, and grow.

The journey of unlearning is long. The passing down of ideas, views of self, and this world goes back centuries. It’s our role to be aware of what we’ve been told to think, believe or accept. To live with fire in our belly for change within our society. To ask questions. To pave a new way. To undue the damage done so future generations feel like they have the permission to freely throw the rule book out the window without hesitation.?

This is?about unlearning the hate within our inner and outer world— letting go of the limitations. So we can invite love and trust for ourselves and others in. And all of this starts with one breath in, and one breath out, and bringing the awareness in.

We are here to find and embody our authentic selves— our truth.

But first, we must unlearn.