It's Time to Lead

It’s Time to Lead

I’m old enough to clearly remember the riots and assassinations of Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy of 1968, Watergate, the Challenger disaster, the LA “Rodney King” riots in 1992, and 9/11. As a young child, I was the first in my family to hear the news of the shooting of President Kennedy in 1963 on the radio. The attack – by our own fellow citizens – on the Capitol building on January 6 and unprecedented pressure to throw out the results of a national election by members of our own federal government has shaken me more deeply than anything else in my lifetime. At the same time, the aftermath has given me hope that we can rise to the occasion – but that’s not a given. All of us have the capacity to lead by example, and I feel compelled to share some thoughts because it has never been more necessary.

First, how did we get to this highly divided society with corrosive forms of disagreement? Is there some specific person or group to blame? Is this a recent phenomenon? There are thoughtful people who have taken a look at that, and it’s worth considering a few points of view. Our current divided state isn’t the result of a single politician or political party, although politicians on both sides have cynically taken advantage of feelings of displacement or unfairness for their own gain. It didn’t happen overnight, and it appears that some of the elements that have made our lives easier have contributed to the problem.

A short but fascinating book relevant to our current situation is Sebastian Junger’s “Tribe”. Some of the key themes of the book are that people need to feel competent, valued, connected to others, and “authentic” – to understand who they are. Junger notes that people thrive on adversity – it can bring us together. It is hard to believe, but shortly after 9/11, George W. Bush’s approval rating hit 90%, less than a year after a controversial election that went all the way to the Supreme Court! And Rudy Giuliani was Time Magazine’s Person of the Year and called “America’s Mayor! We all identified as Americans, were not going to accept defeat of our way of life, and came together, albeit briefly. Lack of challenges can breed complacency.

Others, such as David Brooks, have looked back to the changes in society after World War II, when America was truly united in an effort to fight back tyranny. The social unrest in the 60’s and the rise of the “me” generation of baby boomers touting the need to “do your own thing” led to a much less cohesive society. The rise of the middle class after WW II allowed larger numbers of people greater lifestyle flexibility and created higher expectations. Transportation advances from the interstate system in the 50’s to jet air travel increased mobility. Families scattered. The suburbs grew at the expense of cities. People became more independent and identified with smaller groups, perhaps a family or church group, rather than as a citizen of a town or country.

We became less overtly dependent upon each other and had less of a feeling of community.  This was actually untrue – it’s just that the things we were dependent on became masked by modern logistics and technology. (Covid-19 has done us the favor of highlighting the interdependence of the modern supply chain.) Junger hypothesizes that people looked to be part of new tribes, perhaps resulting in the “identity politics” that is so pervasive today. 

This all gets amplified by the echo chamber of modern media. The internet is a wonderful thing, with incredibly rich sources of information on virtually any topic. The downside is that it depersonalizes human interaction – it’s much easier to see someone not as a complex human being, but as one who either agrees with you or deserves only your contempt. And it is too easy to listen only to those with whom you agree, not keeping an open mind – and open heart - to those with other views. Social media, with its algorithms designed to keep you hooked, and the plethora of profit – driven information sources targeting a specific demographic make it harder for us to have common experiences or consider other points of view as legitimate. One almost longs for the day where there were only three television networks and we all saw the same TV shows and talked about them the next day. Or the FCC required those few networks to treat the news as public service programming, not a money – making opportunity to be optimized by ever more outrageous headlines to cater to a single segment of the population.

Of course, opportunistic politicians on both ends of the spectrum figured out that they could capitalize on divisions and build a political base not by unifying from the center out, but in loose coalitions of smaller groups that share only a feeling of being disenfranchised. Whether by race, sex, economic status, or religion, it is natural to gravitate toward people with common characteristics or interests, but that can become unhealthy if people start to look at those outside of their “tribe” with contempt. Junger describes contempt as particularly toxic. When people view those with different views as the enemy, evil, or “deplorables”, society splinters. There are many examples of intolerance on the right and the left.  A “cancel culture” decreeing that anyone who disagrees with their conventions is not worthy of being heard is a dangerous and unhealthy thing.

So what can we do about it? Here are some suggestions, and what I’m certainly going to try:

·      Take a breath and think about what divides us, whether it is truly a problem that needs to be fixed (like racism, sexism, or inequality of economic opportunity) or whether it is a product of our modern world that we need to recognize, accept, and find ways to cope with. One can’t fix a problem until it is identified. We’re not going back to three TV networks and a hard copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica, so we’d better understand and deal with modern media.

·      Think carefully about where you get your information and how you use social media. Understand the motivations of those providing the information. Is it intended to cater to a particular audience to the exclusion of others? Are there algorithms at play feeding you stories designed to stir you up and keep you engaged? Has it been fact checked – does the provider have a reputation to maintain? For several years, I’ve started my day reading both the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times, emphasizing the opinion sections, both legitimate news organizations with very different perspectives. It’s worth seeing what the other people are saying and learning from it, no matter what you believe.

·      Show respect for those around you. I think that truly bad people are a relatively small minority. Just because someone believes something different doesn’t make them evil.

·      Forgive those who have done something to offend you. We all treat each other poorly at times, often for reasons that have nothing to do with the other person. Let it go. If warranted, point out how you were hurt and give them an opportunity to acknowledge it. If it continues, avoid them.

·      Before you say something, ask yourself, will this help or hurt the person I’m talking to? Am I going to advance a positive goal with this communication?

·      Be intellectually honest and do frequent self evaluations. Forgive yourself your mistakes, but think about how one can improve. What can you do better today?

·      Character matters. Act with integrity toward all. Surround yourself with people of integrity. Avoid those who demonstrate a lack thereof. What goes around eventually comes around.

·      Hold your politicians to the same standards of integrity. Those who attempt to gain or maintain power by inflaming grievances for political ends threaten to tear our country apart. No party has a monopoly on this behavior and anyone who practices it doesn’t deserve to represent us. Don’t elect them, or throw them out, even if their views are superficially aligned with yours.

Looking at the last 40 years, culminating in the abhorrent events of January 6, 2021, I feel the need to respect the gift we have all been given – to live in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, and one which has been held up as a model of a successful democracy and land of opportunity to be envied. Has the country screwed up, and are there truly appalling aspects to our history? Yes. There are no excuses for slavery, racism, sexism, homophobia, or any other of societies ills. But the ideals written in our constitution and Declaration of Independence and espoused by the best of our leaders since the revolution are admirable and enduring. Equal opportunity, liberty, and free pursuit of happiness. It pains me deeply to hear those that decree America is fundamentally flawed, or morally equivalent to dictatorial states because of outdated beliefs or people that have been treated unfairly. We have many problems and lots of room for improvement. But tearing society apart is not the answer. We need to believe we can do better and strive to live up to the ideals on which the country was founded. Not because we are trying to return to some idealized past (which didn’t really exist), but because we are trying to become what we’ve always believed we can be. If we don’t do that, who will?

What gave me hope on the dark day of January 6 was that Congress reconvened within hours and most, although not all, of the members dropped their petty differences and cynical opportunism for long enough to overwhelmingly confirm the results of the presidential election. It was a moment of great admiration for wisdom of the system created by the founders of this country, whatever their flaws.

Each of us needs to lead by example, be grateful for what we have and the opportunities in front of us, be thoughtful about what we can improve, and demand that those we put in positions of power to represent us do the same.