It’s Time to Get Savvy With That Thing Called Love

I sit on the other side of the world to many people I care about, and certainly much of my heart is thousands of miles from here.

Here though exists my reason for being, my reason for staying, the little lights that I fought so hard to bring into this world.

There was once a girl who would never have allowed herself to play second fiddle, to be mistreated, to accept anything less than uncompromising love. Yet I have allowed all of that. What became of me I wonder?

I know exactly. I blamed myself for my broken heart, made myself wrong.

And what is uncompromising love? I now know undeniable attraction, sometimes toxic in its calling me back to myself. I know incompatibility. I know pain. I’ve known pain for so long it’s hard to believe that the kind of love I long for exists but I know it does.

I see good people in toxic relationships, people I’d give a lot to be with in my inner world, locked in their own pain. What is that? That is not love, it’s the opposite of love, the denial of self love.

And yet here I am, heart aching, feeling everything deeply as always, longing for the kind of love that feels good, feels like home.

We all go about our lives and I watch people in relationships and wonder – beneath the veneer of going about doing things together - what are they to each other? Are they habits, are they distraction, are they pain, are they duty, are they a trophy of some kind or are they love?

I listen to songs about heartache and I know heartache, it’s a familiar friend. Bittersweet in its calling. Beautiful in its potential.

This time, for my own sanity, I choose to fulfil its potential. It is the gap between who I am and who I can become...

Someone self loving. Someone with clear boundaries and a big heart. Someone who has stepped into the fullness of herself. Someone who is ready for life’s next ride, be it bittersweet or full of sugary goodness.

It is time to be in healthy relationship with myself in order to get done what I came here to do, whatever that may be; which includes a love that feels like home.

Life is played out through our relationships, be it our intimate relationships, or our relationships with parents, children, ancestors, friends, colleagues or just those that are passing through. All change, all growth comes from looking in that mirror. All blame, shame, pain and guilt also comes from looking in that mirror; as does love. I get to choose.

As do you.

Is it time to get savvy with this thing called love? This is the life we are here to live; this one, happening now. The one that is inside our heart, how does it feel? Does it feel like love or does it feel like pain? Take heed either way and plot your course.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy The Inevitable Pain of Returning to Love After Years of Abandoning Yourself , Relationships are Just a Series of Moments – True Love Lies Within , How to Receive More Love, Appreciation and Respect , What Is Holding You Back? Reclaim Your Worth, Your Love, Your Power ?and How Does Who You Say I Love You to Heal the World? To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog .