It's time to exercise the boundary-setting muscle

As we approach the last days of 2021, this is perfect timing to clarify our self-boundaries and practice how to guard them.

Setting your boundaries is an important habit not only at work – but also with family members.

During this time of the year, when many take time off from work and interact more closely with their close or extended family, it could be very beneficial to exercise the boundary-setting muscle.

I know this first hand. As someone who, for many years, was the people-pleaser in many settings – including with my extended family – I needed to learn how to balance everyones' expectations with my own needs and wants, and how to view it all in the light of the big picture.

Complex, yet meaningful process. Apparently, saying clearly and respectfully what you want and stand up for – will not drive away your loved ones, but will mainly clear the fog and set the ground for better connection.

The practice of setting boundaries is essential for sustaining our sense of self-respect, avoiding undesired stress, and maintaining a healthy environment at home or while vacating with our loved ones.

To facilitate this process, start with a self-reflection to gain clarity.?

Ask yourself:

• How much time do I really want to spend with my family members?
• What won't I compromise about?
• Given a situation of dilemma, what is actually OK with me to give up on?

Add your own questions as necessary.

Now that you know what's important to you and why – you can communicate it to others with more confidence.?

• Explain in advance what you wish to happen during family time, and for how long.
• Share your values and leading principles, and try to add WHY. It's easier for people to understand why you insist on something when you share your reasoning.?
• Don't apologize for being yourself; simply tell what's important to you as a person.
• Lastly, stick to your decisions without pulling back due to guilt.

If you can first explain to yourself why you set a certain boundary, letting someone "play" with your conscience by pouring guilt into the stew – is tricking your own mind.

I know, I know – easier said than done.?

But eventually, this is about self-respect.

As I wrote in my book "Burning Out Won't Get You There" – It's not egoistic to take care of yourself, and it's definitely not wrong to attend to your own needs by setting boundaries. It's essential for maintaining good mental health.

?? Share with us in the comments: what's been helpful for you to set boundaries?

?? Check out our new E-course: Strategic Burnout Prevention (self-paced) to learn and practice how to avoid burnout, enhance wellbeing, and set your own boundaries.?