It's Time to Call In a Favor. How Will They Respond?

Let’s say you want to call in a favor and you are wondering who you can ask and how they might respond. The Enneagram is my favorite system of personality typing because it easily explains and predicts how someone is motivated and, therefore, how they will behave. This is extremely valuable to me because there are so many people who don’t think and act like I do. Who knew??

Here’s a run-down of the nine Enneatypes (the Enneagram is a single diagram that contains nine Ennetypes) and how each one might respond to your request.

The Nine

You will need to “wake the Nine up” to get their attention because Enneatype Nine tends to be a bit sleepy, a bit dreamy. Then you may well need to remind them of your request. And then it’s best to check to make sure they actually completed the request!

The Eight

With Enneatype Eight you may very well get push back about why you need what you’ve asked for and you and the Eight will need to justify the thinking behind your request. By the time you are done, the Eight may have talked you out of your request altogether!

If that doesn’t happen, and your Eight friend or colleague says they are happy to provide you with what you requested, be a little cautious with your relief: the Eight can sometimes become the Big Papa or the Big Mama and make grand gestures and grand proclamations, arms spread wide, a big smile on their face, and a bold statement that “this will be done.”

Better check to make sure it happens because the Eight can put so much into that grand gesture of acceptance that they don’t give the actual task another thought! But be diplomatic: the Eight is often called the Confronter and you do NOT want to stir up that hornet’s nest!

The Seven

The Seven is about joy and pleasure or a chance to indulge their (usually) expensive taste so you’ll have to be sure that the favor you ask of the Seven provides some amount of pleasure or even intrigue to them. The Seven will host a party for you—or help you determine if someone has hired a private investigator. The Seven is often the life of the party so the Seven will gladly accept a role that involves fun.

You might get the Seven to participate in something with depth or intellectual allure if the Seven has developed capacity for such things. But it will be what truly interests them, and appeals to their expertise or has something to do with their passion, not something that is simply of service to you.

But beware if the Seven suddenly becomes critical. If that happens, the Seven has reverted to their path to dysfunction and has switched to perfectionist mode. And, yes, it will be a shock when your Seven friend or colleague suddenly switches from happy-go-lucky to critical!

The Six

Enneatype Six loves structure and “the rules of the road.” The Six is also all about creating partnerships and groups. ?If your Six colleague or friend is part of an organization that you are also part of, there is no favor they won’t do for you. The Six is also protective and if your favor involves them protecting you or someone else, they are in.

Your Six friend or colleague is going to demand loyalty from you in return for the favor. So be ready to deepen your connection with them or with the organization because, by asking for a favor from a Six, you will have, whether you intend to, or not, increased your tie to them.

If you accept the favor from the Six, and you toss off any increased responsibility to them, beware! Sixes are about “ties that bind” and they will give your commitment to them or, again, to the organization, a great deal of weight. If you do not return that sense of commitment, you may well create an enemy.

The Five

The Five will present the trickiest challenge of the nine Enneatypes because the Five hordes knowledge—and sometimes other things. In the movie, Office Space, the character who hordes office supplies—and is especially possessive of the only stapler in the office—is likely a Five.

Fives are usually the sages of an organization. They are often called the Observer because they keep an eye on everything. They know the history of the organization or of the products and services, they know where the original documents are, or why the software was originally written the way it was written. You must go slowly and speak softly to the Five and then be respectful and appropriately grateful for whatever information (or office supplies) they share with you. If you don’t do those things, the Five can produce a blockade of their information and resources the likes of which you have never seen before!

The Four

Enneatype Four can respond to your request by becoming your best friend. They will help but be prepared for strange outcomes—including ones that increase any drama inherent in the situation. If the Four is especially damaged and has dysfunction in their life, their personal narrative can involve being betrayed or victimized—and the Four may set up you or someone involved in the situation to betray or victimize them.

Again, if they are especially damaged, the Four may also abandon you and the favor you asked of them if their history (and their personal narrative) require that someone be abandoned. So—beware.

However, the Four is the Creative among the Enneatypes so if you ask for something within their area of brilliance, and they are in the space to make a contribution, their contribution will be magnificent!

The Three

?If you know an Enneatype Three, you know an Achiever. The Achiever achieves so if you set them up with a task that they can achieve, they will achieve.

You know the saying that you should ask a busy person to do something because they will get it done? Well, the Three is that busy person. They will likely fold your task into their process and—it will be done.

Now, if that Three encounters difficulties and becomes stressed, they may revert to the Nine and go unconscious about their responsibility to you. Not a likely outcome but a possible one. If, on the other hand, your Three friend or colleague is in a good space, they will likely treat your outcome as important as their own.

The Two

The Two is often called the Helper. The Two wants to help—and wants the depth and connection and, possibly, the intimacy that comes with being on your team. So, if you want to deepen your relationship with the Two, ask away. If not, pick a Three.

The One

The One is often called the Perfectionist. If you ask a One for a favor, they will likely roll up their sleeves and dive in. However. (Ahem.) They may also dominate the situation and take over your project, adding their way of doing things, whether or not you want to do things their way. They may point out your areas of weakness or blindness along the way so be prepared to maintain your attitude because the One, if they get going with the flaws and possible roadblocks, can dampen your enthusiasm by quite a bit.

On the other hand, if you want excellent and comprehensive work, and your One friend or colleague is interested in your project, you will be glad you asked!

A simplified view of the Enneagram and the Nine Enneatypes

What I just gave you is a simplified view of the Nine Enneatypes. I did not take into account the subtle variations in the types that can be explored through the influence of the type on one side or the other of the Enneagram, called the “wings.” I also did not take into account the three instincts, one of which can identify any of the Nine Types.

But this is a start.

Want to talk about what Enneatype you might be? How about your partner, your kids, your co-workers? The Enneagram has augmented my ability to understand myself and the people around me. How might it assist you?

DM me: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/frangallaher/ ?