It’s time to ask, “Why not me?” ??

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and actions that will build your confidence and power. Each tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness. Quick Confidence is also a bestselling book! Get your copy to carry confidence wherever you go.?

I’ll never forget the exact moment a mentor of mine, Lorraine, totally expanded my view of what was possible.?

We were in her car, chatting excitedly en route from the train station to the event venue where I would be speaking (an event thoughtfully orchestrated by Lorraine herself), when she asked a couple of questions that caught me off guard.

“Who do you consider the premier expert in your field?” I searched my mind and proceeded to rattle off the names of a few thought leaders I look up to. Quietly, she took in my response. Then at a red light, she turned to me, looked me dead in the eye, and said, “Why not you?”

I still feel a tingle down my spine when I share this story, a visceral reaction to the powerful realization of how I’d been understating my own experience and impact.?

So often we validate others’ experiences as the right experience. We tell ourselves that they possess the ideal background, qualifications, or education, they have “what it takes” — they are the experts.?

We, on the other hand, remain ongoing works in progress, continuously working to earn our place, and striving to prove our worth. Maybe you can relate on some level?

The issue is when we continually disqualify ourselves from great opportunities or designations, we are essentially telling ourselves “No” before they do. If we perpetually think “They can, but I can’t,” we inadvertently communicate to the world that we’re not ready...that we're not leadership material. This self-limiting mindset will cause opportunities to dwindle before our very eyes.?

Not only that, according to the research , limited, negative thinking not only contributes to symptoms of depression and anxiety but also unwanted intrusive thoughts and low levels of mindfulness.?

So how can you loosen your grip on the negative and amplify the positive that you bring? Give these exercises a try to initiate a shift towards a more favorable self-perception. It's time to ask the question, "Why not me?"

Quick Confidence Tips to Valuing Your Own Expertise

1. Mindset: Bring an “AND” mindset: My friend and brilliant author Shanna Hocking , writes in her book One Bold Move a Day about the importance of an “AND mindset.” She calls this a paradox mindset and says it’s all about accepting the “both/and” of a situation – meaning multiple things can be true at one time. So, if you find you regularly demote yourself or downgrade what you’re capable of – try some AND statements. For example, “I can be an expert and still be a learner,” “I can love challenging myself and still be exhausted by it,” “I can be daunted by an opportunity and go for it anyway,” and “I can be uncomfortable in my path to gaining comfort.” See how this puts your fear in its place and helps you balance it with the positive?
2. Interpersonal: Make recommendations a habit. In your day-to-day conversations, instead of saying “I like” – for example “I like the first job candidate” or “I like the idea of choosing the second vendor over the first”, try framing your ideas as recommendations instead. One study found that people who use the phrase “I recommend” were 30% more likely to get a “yes” from the person they were dealing with. Framing your ideas as recommendations boosts your credibility and allows you to flex the expertise you’ve built up over time. So next time you’re tempted to ask a question like “What if we launched a promotional campaign next month?”, try instead saying directly and clearly, "I recommend we launch a promotional campaign next month." Your message will be clearer, you’ll boost your authority in others’ eyes, and you’ll give yourself a vote of confidence.
3. Embodied: Use surfer's stance. Sometimes the vulnerability of being noticed and seen makes us do the opposite. We might shrink, go into our shell, or physically sink inward if we’re feeling uncertain. Well, I’m here to challenge you to do the opposite. How can you “big up” your body language and posture — as if to say, “I’m not hesitating or apologetic, but I’m glad to be here and I’m excited to connect”? My favorite way to do this is with a posture I call “Surfer Stance”. So, if you’re at a group or social event, that means standing with your legs a little more than shoulder-width apart — like a surfer! This helps you feel grounded, and really claim your full bubble of space. I also find it's a lot harder to droop my shoulders or have poor posture standing this way. It’s ok to be seen. In fact, it’s time to be conspicuous and celebrate what your momma gave ya - it’ll do wonders for your confidence!

So the next time you find yourself doubting your abilities, shrinking or wanting to defer to someone more “experienced,” see if you can liberate yourself from self-imposed limitations, step boldly into your potential, and ask yourself, “Why not me?”

This simple question holds the power to reshape not only your thinking, but your behaviors, and the path you’re on. I'm truly grateful that Lorraine asked me that question because it's had a lasting influence on my journey.

Now it's your turn! Can you recall a moment from your own life when the "Why not me?" pep talk could have spurred you into taking bolder action? Or can you imagine a future scenario where you intend to harness its motivational power? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.

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