It's Not Really Feedback if You Never Set Expectations; Creating a Culture of Transparency, Accountability, and Trust

When the word “feedback” is uttered, as in, “Can we meet? I have feedback to give you,” do your hands sweat and your brain run amok? Aren’t you already ready for it to be over with a capital “O?”

Why do we have such a negative reaction to the concept of feedback? If you ask people how much value they put on the perspectives of others, they will say that they care very much about how they are perceived and want to know how they can improve. The actual feedback exchange is often the first and most troubling aspect of the process.

So, what’s going on, and how we can “fix” feedback?

Change the conversation.

The Center for Creative Leadership is well known for its straightforward, behavior-based model of Situation Behavior Impact (SBI). Sloan Weitzel’s classic construct is described in Feedback That Works: How to Build and Deliver Your Message. This method shifts the focus of the feedback conversation away from what the feedback provider subjectively may not like about the person to focus squarely on the person’s impact — positive or negative — and the behaviors that are leading to those results. Set the context for where and when the behavior occurred (situation), describe the observable actions (behavior), and explain the results of those behaviors (impact).

Though quite compelling most of the time, this method falls short in one highly common situation. If the feedback receiver didn’t know or understand what they were “supposed” to be doing — either in terms of the goals/results they were expected to achieve or the behaviors they were “supposed” to exhibit — how is an SBI conversation feedback?

It is feedback in the sense that the person now knows whether the feedback provider is pleased or dissatisfied. But to what standard are we holding them? If we haven’t set expectations, we are holding them to a standard that they do not understand. We aren’t expressing feedback, we are revealing some level of resentment. It’s like expecting your children to empty the dishwasher without ever being asked. Of course we wish they would do it, but we can’t blame them for leaving it full when we never asked them to empty it. That’s not on them — it’s on us.

Consider whether you need to move your conversation from one of feedback to one of expectation-setting:

Create a culture of effective, trusting exchanges.

Trust is a powerful and important word when working with others — and we all work with others. Trust requires having a connection with the other person, not assuming things that the other person knows or doesn’t know. It’s the ability to connect and listen without judgment.

We can put trust back into our communication by replacing “feedback” in all its scary glory with conversations about both the results we are looking to achieve and expectations we have about the path to get there.

Your team members can’t read your mind! You may think you have explained what you are looking for, but you likely have a picture in your head and haven’t fully communicated that picture. You also likely have a notion of the steps or the “how” of getting there. Some components of that path are likely negotiable while others may not be. Be very clear on your expectations, both about what you want to achieve and any required steps in the process.

You can’t get what you don’t ask for, and you certainly don’t get the behaviors you desire if you don’t hold people accountable for those actions. Think about it this way: If your child keeps fouling another player on the soccer pitch and the referee never calls it, do you think your child will stop that behavior? No way. We get what we tolerate. So, if you don’t set boundaries or create guidelines, they likely won’t deliver in the way that you want — and you can’t blame them.

Set expectations based on the person’s ability and motivation.

What defines clear expectations for one person on your team may be different for another. While someone who is experienced and knows the organizational culture may need very little guidance, if you have a clear idea of what you want, you still shouldn’t leave it to chance that your highly capable team member will know that.

That highly competent team member should also be trusted to execute well. Your way is not the only way.

As one client said to me this past week, “I wanted the calendar completed with the fonts I like — I just can’t delegate my vision!” We dissected this need from the perspective of what a successful outcome looks like. In reality, the details of the calendar and the clarity of those details are what really matter, and her team member could easily execute it.

If the team member is highly motivated and clearly capable, the direction needs to be less directive but still must reflect your desires. If the team member isn’t sure how to proceed, then more clarity is required.

Regularly level-set.

Feedback doesn’t have to be scary. It just doesn’t. If feedback happens every day and focuses on performance against clear expectations, it’s not feedback (sweaty palms), it’s an open, honest, transparent conversation. Plain and simple.

What if every conversation started with a level-setting of expectations by all parties, and not with an assumption that everyone in the room knows? If there is a disparity in expectation, it will be cleared up first. What an improvement on how things are typically done! The rest of the conversation will either go on as planned or in a totally different direction — resetting expectations — or might be delayed until everyone reevaluates and makes changes to their actions and outcomes.

Making assumptions that “we’re all on the same page” can get us into trouble every time and turn feedback into something it isn’t. Working expectations into nearly every conversation can move an organization from one of missed expectations to one of transparency, accountability and trust.

#Trust #Leadership #CCL #C-IQ

Originally published in Forbes, https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2018/04/03/its-not-really-feedback-if-you-never-set-expectations/#237dbc5562f4