It's Not Pride. It's Self Respect.

Know Your Worth.

I often wonder if one should remove themselves from situations and/or leave the table if respect is no longer being served. How does one deal with instances where they’ve been belittled, demeaned or offended and at what point in time can disrespect no longer be overlooked? When should one draw a hard line and consider turning their back and walking away?

Feeling disrespected is one of the hardest realities. Some may have been susceptible to and experienced disdain in personal or professional relationships, in their teenage years or adulthood, often leaving quite a bit of an impact on their self image, well being and confidence levels. The act of belittling is one where the other person makes you, your actions, words, feelings, achievements or thoughts feel insignificant or small and attribute little or no importance to you. No one likes to be disrespected. It’s demeaning and painful, and tends to invalidate our fundamental beliefs about ourselves. Yet despite our distaste for it, more often than not, we find ourselves tolerating it for one reason or another.

Disrespect can take many forms and shapes, beyond the more obvious ones. When people refuse to listen to our inputs, never valuing what we have to offer, this is a sign of being disrespected. When someone is being condescending towards us, speaking in a manner that implies one looking down on somebody and assuming we are beneath them, this is a sign of disrespect. When people consistently exclude us from key decision-making, this is a sign of disrespect. When people bypass us and don’t acknowledge our whole being and what we bring to the table, this is also a sign of disrespect; it just goes to show that they don’t deem our contributions to be of any value.?

With all that in mind and many more... how does one deal with situations where they’ve been disrespected? Should one retaliate with force or isolate, withdraw and refuse to engage? I am of the opinion that one should not repay insult with an insult; if you choose tit for tat and disrespect the person who disrespected you in the first place, you make in turn a disrespectful person out of yourself. Being disrespectful is another form of a power play, and it’s a game we shouldn’t want to entertain and engage in. We’re bigger than that.

Having said that, no one should tolerate being dissed, belittled or dismissed, granted that tolerance levels may vary from one to another. But why is it that disrespect triggers us and evokes such a strong reaction? Typically, such behavior has the inclination to threaten our pride and ego, which we have a responsibility to defend and protect against any danger. It’s our natural fight or flight response kicking in. But it's not only about the pride that's been scratched in the process. We have the tendency to tell ourselves 'it's just that once' or 'it happened this time, it won't probably happen again' until disrespect becomes perpetual and we're stuck with it. Once we tolerate it and convince ourselves that disrespect may have not been intended, we begin the process of eliminating our self-confidence till we ultimately have none left. Furthermore, tolerating disrespect breeds a deep sense of insecurity within us. This is usually what follows a deterioration of our self-confidence.?

Dealing with insecurity that arises from being disrespected can only be done in one way – dealing with disrespect in the first place. People who disrespect us only do so to make us believe we are flawed, when in fact, they do so out of their insecurities. This is why every act of disrespect must be called out, refuted, and never tolerated. Always ensure you do not tolerate any disrespect because, ultimately, it will become so pronounced that once you don’t deal with it there and then, you will never be able to deal with it again. It is also essential that we deal with it not by being disrespectful ourselves but by exuding confidence, being calm, and always challenging those who think they can get a free pass for disrespecting us. Lastly, do not negotiate on your boundaries. Trust and respect are the two most crucial components to lasting relationships and if one or more is lost, the damage is irreversible and there's only one solution: remove yourself from the equation, walk away and take the learnings so that in the future, you would be able to recognize and avoid disrespect before it occurs.