IT'S ONLY WORDS....

How many years old were you when you realized that women were omnipresent in Universal Foul Language Vocabulary? That almost all material swear words in most languages of the world are colourful descriptors of what one is doing with one’s maa or behen, or activities the maa or behen must have done herself? Meri toh aankhien khul gai!

As a teenager with a mostly sanitized life, my own swear vocabulary was very limited. Every time I was about to swear, Papa - the ‘Ceaser’ would appear out of nowhere, disappointment writ on his face, sad music et al. Looking at me with pained eyes before collapsing with grief, Papa would say “You too, Naghma!” Me - the Brutus would eat my words for dinner…

So, I grew up with no hope of colorful vocab; virgin language, unblemished and very proper. I remember shutting the door of my room frustrated sometimes, looking into the mirror and practicing to say F@!% without guilt, so I don’t look out of place in case the opportunity should come my way.

A late bloomer in the world of cuss, I was amazed how all of humanity has found a way to communicate beyond all possible barriers! How charming are these invisible ties that bind us, nahin? I was also a late observer of the politics of words that change the game for woman-kind.

Let’s begin with the way men largely operate. One is supposed to feel upset that his maa/behen/joru is being insulted. Once he absorbs the insult, one must now appropriately respond by calling the cuss-er an equally derogatory word for HIS maa/behen/joru. Giving back takes a whole new meaning here. Alternatively, one may also use the same foul gems as words of endearment indicating closeness with the recipient of one’s choicest slurs. Nothing like cuss words for healthy male bonding.

And then there is the ultimate reason to use slurs – no reason at all! To be used as suffixes and prefixes, just for mann-ki-shaanti. We are like this only. Take your daily verbal dump. Something like yoga, healthy habits for a healthy mind…

It gets interesting if we observe men respond to women. Whatever the triggers or end goals – whether they don’t understand her, don’t like her, detest her, want to wish her away, kill her spirit or diminish her, the process is fairly simple. More powerful the woman, more vicious are the words. In her presence, unnerve her with verbal attack. If she’s not around, then begin the name calling to rally the band of boys. How dare she?! What a F#@!^*@ B*&^%$!

As I vented my latest findings in a casual chat, my friend enlightened me that at least now in the modern-world(?) there is an equal swearing opportunity for women as much as men. With the rise of the foul-mouthed woman, we are ready to compete in this highly competitive man’s world. Why should boys have all the fun! But the language of cuss stays the same. Largely female, meant to diminish woman-ity.

We slut-shame the unapologetic, and snigger at the predictable versions of the women we see. To the point where we throw these thoughtless words on people in general without any comprehension of deservedness. To the point where we normalize sexist slurs in our language in regular daily lives, consciously and unconsciously stereotyping women in pathetic ways.

“Don’t overthink, it’s only words” my friend said. Which took me back to Bee Gees, who had famously informed us that “It’s only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away”. Incomplete thought really. Why just our hearts? Words can take away many things. Confidence, agency, dignity, honour, -- everything.

Kind and loving. Cruel and cutting. Words have underestimated power to make or break, to give or take, like very few things in our lives do.

So how are you using them today?