It’s okay to be wrong

In the long-running sitcom?Happy Days, an iconic character known as ‘The Fonz’ was a person that everyone looked up to. ?Although he had many enduring qualities, he had a hard time admitting he was wrong.? In one episode, he is trying to tell his friend that he provided some bad advice.? As he tries to say that he was wrong, The Fonz just can't get the word out:?“I was wrrrr.... Ralph, I was wrrrrr.... what I'm trying to say is that I wasn't exactly right.”?? How often, do we as leaders, want to come across as confident and in charge of the situation, and avoid admitting that we are wrong or that we made a mistake??

Often, the attempt at apologizing comes across as an explanation of why ‘we were not exactly right’.? It is okay for a leader to be wrong and to openly admit it.? In fact, it is an ingredient of courageous and secure leadership and will be appreciated by the team.? When we picture an ideal leader, or think about the admired leaders from history, we may have an image of someone who is always in control, doesn’t make mistakes and is without any apparent weakness.? Wanting to be viewed in the same unrealistic light, we too frequently don’t admit our flaws.??

We all make mistakes; not admitting them is a sign of insecurity – not strength.? A good leader recognizes when they make a mistake that affects others and does not hesitate to apologize when this happens.? When apologizing, there is a right way and a wrong way.?

• Be sincere:? Apologies should come from the heart.? Don’t apologize out of pity or only because you think that you are supposed to.? An insincere apology is worse than no apology at all.?? If you do not think you're wrong, listen and acknowledge other viewpoints but respectfully defend your position.? People will see right through a person who is not sincere.??If you realize that you are wrong, look the person in the eye and tell them straight out.??

• Own it:? Do not throw other people under the bus with you.? The person making the apology needs to accept responsibility for the error.? Do not water it down with excuses.? When saying, you are sorry, it is important to apologize for what you did wrong – not what others did.? It is critical to use the word “I” and not “we”.? Be specific about what you are apologizing for without shifting partial blame to others.??

• Move on:? Don’t dwell on it.? We all make mistakes; the key is to learn from them and to not repeat them.? If it is a situation that can be fixed, then do what is necessary to make it right.? There is no need to beat yourself up for a prolonged period.? Learn from the experience and move on.?

Do not rationalize or justify bad behavior by blaming it on external circumstances.? When the “apology” deflects the mistake by saying it was just bad luck or rationalizing why the error occurred in the first place, then it is not an apology nor acknowledgment of a mistake but rather a description of why it isn’t your fault.? Attributing the reason to external factors is the equivalent of saying that anyone would have made the same error given a similar situation.?? A simple example is a leader apologizing to his team for being rude; blaming how busy he was and the pressure he was under for the inappropriate behavior – this is making an excuse; it is not an apology.? A person demonstrates a lack of ownership of the mistake when they deflect the discussion to another issue.? Occasionally apologies are made in a manner that in essence says, ‘I may have made a mistake, but your mistake is worse.’? Another manner of deflection is to blame someone else’s actions for causing the mistake.? This bait and switch approach may be best described with a real-life example I experienced when a principal was apologizing for being too competitive in a teacher-student basketball game.? After a two-sentence apology, we got a twenty-minute lecture on why the parents should have told him ahead of time that this game was for fun and not a win-at-all-costs game.? In other words, he made a mistake, but others made a bigger mistake and was the real cause of his inappropriate behavior.?

It is important for leaders to admit when we are wrong and to apologize when we make mistakes - without qualification.? This is critical for building trust with the team.? Trust is foundational for a high performing team and creates an atmosphere of continuous improvement, transparency, and innovation.?

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“Be humble to see your mistakes, courageous to admit them and wise enough to correct them.”?– Amine Ayad (author)?

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Leadership matters!

Ken

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