It's Okay To Not Be Okay

By Gerald Calibo

I started sharing my words with the world to encourage others who may be going through a difficult time,?and?to let them know that they’re not alone. I’ve always wanted my writing to be inspirational and uplifting. I try my best to seek out the beauty in the world and to encourage you to keep going and never stop looking for the good in your life.

But let’s be honest. There are going to be days in this life when you’re not okay. Days when no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to find the positive and good in the world around you. Days that seem dark. What I want you to know is that it’s okay to have days like this.

I try to remain as positive as possible and encourage others to seek out the beauty and meaning in life’s obstacles. But I also have days when I just can’t seem to do this. Days when the good seems elusive and just beyond my reach. Days when I can hardly see through the tears. I also have days when I’m not okay.

What I want you to know is that having days like this does not mean that you are failing. It does not mean that something is wrong with you or that you’re doing something wrong. It simply means that you are human.

When we take the time to wrestle with the difficult emotions inside of us, we are doing great work within our souls. When we pause to ask the hard questions and give ourselves the space to process our pain, this is when God often does the greatest work in our hearts. These are the spaces in our lives where character is built.

Try to remember that bad mental health days are completely normal. We all go through seasons of sadness. Remind yourself that you do not have to be strong and happy all the time. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself if you’re going through a difficult season. Up your self-care on days like this and reach out to others. You are never alone. Remember that you are stronger than you know and you can get through anything.

It’s okay to say that you’re not okay. And that means your feelings and emotions are valid, no matter what they are.

It took me a while to learn this simple fact.

When I was being bullied, I coped by constantly pushing my emotions down because I was terrified of people disapproving of me in some way. I pushed all of my emotions down, but that didn’t mean that they disappeared.

They were still there. They never went away, and by pushing them away, I just delayed the explosion.

Expressing your emotions is never a bad thing, and if you’re not okay, it’s okay to say so.

During these times it’s more important than ever to be kind to ourselves. Letting ourselves feel our difficult emotions without judgement is the first step towards moving past them. Let yourself cry if you need to?for?some days. Take time to practice extra self-care.

Be mindful of the words you’re speaking to yourself on days like this. Be kind and gentle with what you tell yourself. I recently read that experts estimate that we have up to 60,000 thoughts per day. That’s up to 60,000 opportunities to build ourselves up or tear ourselves down. The words we speak to ourselves matter. Choose your words wisely.

Reach out to others.

When I’m going through a particularly hard time or find myself in a dark place, my natural tendency is to withdraw from others. I don’t want to burden people with my problems or bring anyone down. Sometimes it’s hard for me to admit that I’m not okay. But opening up and reaching out to others is often the best thing for us during times like these.

Reach out to a friend and let them help you through this time. Don’t try to pretend with your family that everything is okay when it really isn’t. Letting people help us through these times can not only speed up the healing process, but it can also strengthen our relationships. And it helps others to know that they can also come to us when they may be going through a difficult time in the future.

?Let go of shame.

It’s important to release feelings of shame around not being okay. We must let go of the notion that feeling pain means that we are failing or weak. If you do feel this way, try not to judge yourself. Remind yourself that you are human and it’s okay to feel this way sometimes. Remember that these feelings are temporary and that you have the strength to eventually move past them.

Know that this time serves a purpose.

Difficult seasons of life may feel uncomfortable, and we can often find ourselves wondering if there is a reason for our suffering. I want to assure you that there is. Times like this stretch us and grow us. They change us. They teach us how strong we are. These times in our lives serve an important purpose.

When we take the time to wrestle with the difficult emotions inside of us, we are doing great work within our souls. When we pause to ask the hard questions and give ourselves the space to process our pain, this is when God often does the greatest work in our hearts. These are the spaces in our lives where character is built.

Try to remember that bad mental health days are completely normal. We all go through seasons of sadness. Remind yourself that you do not have to be strong and happy all the time. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself if you’re going through a difficult season. Up your self-care on days like this and reach out to others. You are never alone. Remember that you are stronger than you know and you can get through anything.

MOVING ON

Know that your feelings are temporary. Sometimes it does feel like you start to lose control over everything– this is why in my experience, sticking to your regular routine is crucial. A few years ago my mom ended up in a hospital and I had to not only take over some of her responsibilities but also worry about her getting surgery on top of everything, while also working and taking care of my family, driving around all day, going home then going back to the hospital. I felt like I was about to go into a nervous breakdown and end up in a hospital myself. I was tired and irritated all the time.

I allowed those overwhelming feelings to take over. I didn’t meditate, I didn’t get my daily workouts in, I ate crappy food, I didn’t keep up with my gratitude journal- I didn’t do any of those things that help me stay sane, happy and motivated. I think that this is why keeping up with your regular routine as much as possible is very important during stressful times.

Make sure that you’re not spending most of your time on the couch, make sure that your sink is clean, your laundry is done, your bed is made- these are all things that will make you feel much better while you’re trying to work through your problems. You don’t have to keep up with all your usual chores, take it easy if you must, but sticking to your routine, even partially, can make a big difference.

When you get in that funk, it’s very easy to start blaming yourself, or others for your problems. It’s very important that despite whatever it is that you’re going through, you forgive both yourself and anyone else you might be blaming. I think that we all tend to be way too hard on ourselves, overanalyzing every situation that might have played out differently if we made a different decision, etc.

It’s okay to not be okay. You’re allowed to change your mind, to take a break or leave a situation you don’t feel comfortable in. There’s no need to blame yourself for any of those things just like there’s no need to feel bad about… feeling bad.

We should all be allowed to fall apart sometimes so that we can find ourselves all over again.

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