It’s Okay to Not Love Every Season of Life
Stephanie Shirley
I'm a PR Specialist who fully integrates into teams, delivering value + efficiency.
Life has seasons, chapters, and eras. We evolve and grow in each and can often only identify the ending of one once we’re wholly entered into the next. I believe that for every “hat” we wear, there is a unique season for each. I’m an entrepreneur, mother, wife, daughter, friend, and many other titles. As you can imagine this is a lot of hats to wear and seasons to weather! Maybe you can relate.
The only thing more conflicting than the attempt to balance everything, all the time, in every season, is the burden of also trying to hold on to the moment while looking longingly ahead to a new season when ____(insert whatever desire or dream you have at this time)____. Especially in motherhood, you don’t have to look far to find a heart-tugging quote or video montage of small, sweet children playing with an “inspirational” quote along the lines of…“Hold onto this moment forever, you’ll never get it back and you’ll shed endless tears of regret for feeling burned out and exhausted when you should be absolutely cherishing this punishing season of chaos.”
Maybe I read into these quotes differently than you do…or maybe you understand my underlying sarcasm here. The words of wisdom I want to speak to every parent, caretaker, business owner, public servant, and everyone else is this. You might be in a season of life that, if you’re honest, you don’t really love. It’s not your favorite. You’re nostalgic for what has passed and long for what’s to come. And that’s okay. Actually, it’s more than okay; it’s natural, relatable, and valid. We will not equally enjoy every season of life. Our goal should never be to force ourselves to acclimate so intensely to every shifting season that we forget that we are uniquely and wonderfully made to enjoy different things, to have different desires, and to thrive in different environments than others around us. So here are my words for you (and me) today…
Forced positivity is negative.
You have been previously told to embrace every season and lean into what’s hard, stressful, or undesirable. And while there can be value in this under certain circumstances, there can also be negative ramifications to forcing positivity. Instead, feel what you’re feeling. Truly. I’ve written before about how to handle the “gray days” in life. It’s not always sunshine, not every reason will feel like “your” season, but also know every season comes to a close. You can’t opt out of a less-than-desirable season, but you can armor yourself with grace. Which brings me to…
Give grace and embrace.
To speak candidly and personally, the early years are parenthood were/are ROUGH. It’s not my favorite season, if I’m being honest. I don’t reminisce about the pregnancy “glow” or long for the days of nursing, nap schedules, and being needed 24/7 on repeat. I love little details about this season, but not the big picture and that’s okay. But it’s taken me a while to feel this way. I would usually let myself pile up the “mom guilt” of being relieved when I was done nursing, when my days of spoon feeding a baby were gone, and when my once-toddler can now put on his own shoes, hop in the car, and buckle himself. I’m working to replace guilt with grace. And in this new season of chaos, it’s better but also not what I’d consider my favorite. I’m greeting myself with more grace than ever before, being unapologetically protective of my time, and setting clear boundaries. It’s helping, but it’s a work in progress.
Don’t perpetuate panic.
Can we just stop with the false panic that once a season comes to a close life will never be great again? I find these sentiments expressed all over social media, especially when it comes to parenting. Yes, it’s hard to see our little humans change before our eyes because it means we’re also changing. But when did that stop being a good thing? I certainly don’t want to spend forever in just one season. Instead, I want to believe that something equally as great, even if different, is right around the corner. Isn’t that a better way to approach life? We can’t stop time, so let’s instead…
Flow and let go.
Flow. I love this word. So often it’s used to describe water elements and comes up a lot in my yoga practice. How much more wonderful life is when we learn to flow! It’s moving with intention while also letting go of thoughts, obligations, and relationships that no longer serve us. When flowing, we’re mindful of following the natural course of life and where we’re meant to go next. So in this season of life, how can you do a better job of flowing and letting go of the expectations you’ve set for yourself? For me, I need to often release myself from feeling the need to love every day. Some days just suck. My schedule is packed with things I’m not excited about doing, everyone needs something of me, and time to myself is nonexistent. But those days are not the only days. Other days are wonderful! They’re filled with choices I enjoy, that fill my soul and leave me fulfilled. The contrast of these days exists in every season, so focus on the flow and let go of whatever isn’t serving you well.
Reflect. What season of life are you in right now? It’s possible you won’t know while you’re in it, so instead reflect on where you’ve been. Not every season will be great, but there is something great in every season of life. Focus on finding that one (or more) thing and buoy yourself to it.
Which of the above points resonated with you the most? Maybe you love your current season and worry about it ending. Or maybe you find yourself wishing it away, longing for the next chapter to begin. Wherever you are on the journey, know that you can’t “mess it up” because it’s your own. There are no rules or expectations beyond what you self-impose. Be intentional and choose wisely what you allow to frame your season.
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