It's okay to actually be okay right now, too.

There's no question that what's happening right now across the globe is awful.

You don't have to go far to read the terrible personal stories of loss, the overwhelm of healthcare workers and systems, the plight of small and large businesses alike, the frustration and the confusion and the fear. They're everywhere. And at a macro level, we are absolutely in the midst of a difficult crisis filled with tragedy.

Which is why it's easy to feel guilty if, at an individual level, you're actually sort of....okay.

Silver Linings Do Exist

I've experienced direct and personal loss as a result of the pandemic. And I grieve that, deeply. This virus is ruthless and indiscriminate - disproportionally impacting already underserved communities - and it hurts to experience and witness the fallout of it.

And there are practical stressors for a lot of us; balancing careers with kids at home, extended time away from friends and loved ones, loneliness and isolation, stressed finances...that list is very real and challenging.

At the same time, many people are finding that amid the wreckage and the rubble are a some upsides. Glimmers of what a differently-engineered "normal" could look like moving forward as we all have our regular, sometimes frenetic lives on pause.

So I'm here to tell you that it's okay to feel that messy, weird mix of emotions that couples stress and loss and fear with some reflection and even some optimism in the face of it all. You can feel it all, and it's very much normal to do so.

What Can We Preserve?

Personally, as this pandemic stood on the brakes hard for my normal life, there are few interesting outcomes:

• I don't miss my commute. I enjoy and appreciate being in the office sometimes to see my colleagues, but I've worked remotely for 12 years and that's my preferred setting. My commute is 3 hours out of my day downtown and back, and there's no question that I can and do prefer to use that time differently.
• I've learned a lot about the work rhythms that work for me. Everyone is different, but I've been really able to dial into understanding what works for me (a gradual start to the morning vs diving right into intense brain work), what doesn't (back to back to back meetings fry my brain), and how I might consider incorporating those learnings into my work once things normalize somewhat.
• I miss travel because so many of my friends and colleagues are in other cities, and that's how I get to see them. I don't miss the frenetic chaos that my life sometimes becomes with near-constant road time, so when I get back to traveling, I may need to try and be more strict with boundaries about how often I'll travel so I can try to preserve some balance.
• Because of all of the above, I feel more grounded and less anxious than I've been in a really long time. Being at home without constant kid activities or travel or rushing to the office means I've fit in more time for things that are good for me: sleep, exercise, creative time, time with my kid, renewed (virtual) connections with friends, just pure downtime. So I'm thinking about how I protect some of that time and space for me because it's become so obvious how much I've neglected it.

It's been both a strange and a gratifying experience to note all of this, to really think on it in detail, and to reflect on how my pre- and post-pandemic worlds need to come into better alignment.

We Contain Multitudes

When crisis hits, a degree of survivor's guilt is a very real consequence, and I think a lot of us (especially those wired deeply with empathy as I am) are feeling that dichotomy right now. How can we possibly feel okay or focus on good things when people are suffering en masse?

For those of us wired already to doubt ourselves, those voices can be particularly strong.

"How dare you actually enjoy that you can have lunch on your deck when people are sick and dying? It's great that you like working remotely but all these people are out of work, have you thought about them?"

The thing to remember is that you can simultaneously hold space in your mind and heart for more than one emotion at a time. You can be hopeful for yourself and compassionate for those who are hurting. You can feel positive and optimistic and concerned about very real challenges and risks. The beauty of the human condition is that we contain multitudes, and we can feel complex things all at once.

When you're reaching out to others, remember the golden rule of the Ring Theory: "comfort in, dump out" (as outlined in this brilliant article from several years ago.)

And remember that it's actually okay to be okay. Because we'll need those touchstones in the moments when we're not okay.

In the midst of upheaval, we need all the equilibrium we can find.

I'd love to hear about your silver linings. What are you experiencing, learning, and discovering through the lens of such a surreal time? Leave me your comments and let's talk.