Its Ok to be who you are

It’s 2025 and like so many people out there I took some time to look back over what I had achieved. Putting it all down on paper was shocking. I honestly forgot about so many things as the year went by. What happened to me during the year that I had somehow lost sight of all these reasons I had to celebrate? I am sure I’m not the only one who seems to remember failures so much more clearly than successes.

So, I decided that before I refined my goals or product backlog as we say in Scrum, for this new year, in true Agile style I would conduct a retrospective. For those of you who are not so familiar with scrum, a retrospective is an opportunity to reflect on the interactions I had with so many people, the approaches I used, and how I defined success (definition of done) for myself as I progressed. It’s different from the typical review we do after projects, because that’s about ticking off how many goals you meet. On the other hand, a retrospective allows you to think about not how much you achieved, but how you went about it. Done right, you gain insight into how you can be more effective and more impactful. How you can work better with others.

For my retrospective I decided to be brave and ask a few friends if they could identify evidence that suggested that I had experienced personal growth. It was nerve wracking and truthfully, I wasn’t sure if I could handle the feedback. In the end, my friends were kind, and I did not regret it. Everyone said the same thing. They noted that I was more vocal about what I wanted or needed in my interactions with them and that I had done it in a way that made it clear that I wasn’t trying to hurt them.

I realised that whilst I had not put it into words, that was exactly what I had been trying to do.

In 2024, I started having some serious health issues. For someone like me who is always the rock for everyone else, I suddenly found myself unable to be there in the same way. I went through the usual feelings of denial, anger and depression, before I slowly felt my survival instincts kick in. I realized that I had to set some boundaries with friends and family.

I agonized over the conversations before and afterwards, to the point that I was physically nauseous. I was worried about expressing my needs without hurting the other person or causing offense. The next steps were even harder. Sticking to my position when they tried to find other ways to push me back into my old role. I was told I was selfish; I was told that now is not the time to think about yourself, you have to be there for X, Y and Z. But I held fast to my boundary.

Now 2024 is over and I realize that I didn’t lose any friendships or relationships over it. Some people are still getting used to the new rules of engagement, and I still need to stand firm. But on the other hand, my anxiety levels are better. I am now sleeping almost six hours a night instead of two.

In today's world and in my line of work there is an expectation of always being kind, helpful, respectful and available to help. It can be difficult to keep sight and speak up about your own needs and wants. It seems selfish. But I know I have to keep trying, because I can't truly be there for others, if I am not first there for myself.

#beauthenic #careaboutus #Leadership #adifferentkindofleadership #LizaR #BeYou #changingtheworld #culturechange