It's OK to be vulnerable.
Raphael Collazo CCIM, Commercial Real Estate Advisor
#CRERockStar | Commercial Real Estate Specialist | Investment, Retail & Industrial | Louisville KY | Author | MeetUp Host | Podcast: CRE 101
When I was in the seventh grade, I had a huge crush on this girl in my class; let’s call her Meg. She was extremely beautiful and had long blonde hair and blue eyes. Every day I would talk with my friends about how beautiful Meg was and how I wished she’d be my girlfriend. One day a friend of mine decided to tell one of Meg’s friends that I had a crush on her and asked if she felt the same way. Meg heard the news and told her friend to ask me if I’d be willing to ask her out. When the message was relayed to me, I jumped for joy. I couldn’t believe Meg wanted me to ask her out! Although this news was positive, I was petrified. I’d never asked a girl out before, and even the thought made me sick to my stomach.
The next day, I remember sweating bullets. With each passing hour, I kept second-guessing myself and felt apprehensive about asking her out. At lunchtime, I mustered up the courage to walk up to her group of friends. My palms were sweaty, knees were weak, mom’s spaghetti, lol jk, but I was seriously nervous. I walked up to Meg, made eye contact, and blurted out, “Hey Meg, want to go out sometime?” The words hung in the air like puffs of smoke. I remember feeling so vulnerable waiting for her response. When it finally came, it rocked me to my core.
She looked at her friends, then back at me, said, “No thanks,” and walked away. I couldn’t believe it, what kind of sick girl tells someone to ask her out and then immediately rejects them?! I was crushed and felt as though I would never love again. Of course, I was 12 and everything at that age seems like the end of the world, but that experience taught me a lot about what it’s like to feel vulnerable.
When I moved to the US at 14, I found that being vulnerable as a man was frowned upon. Even discussing your emotions with others would lead to discussions about how much of a “baby” you were—or some other expletive. I found it especially true when I started wrestling and playing football. Any sign of vulnerability was considered a sign of weakness and was exploited by others. As a result of these experiences, throughout high school and even college, I felt that opening up to others would lead to rejection and pain. I closed many great people off from seeing my true self and carried a fa?ade for most of my college career.
However, after meeting my current girlfriend, it all changed. With her, I’ve allowed myself to open up and show her my true colors, warts and all. The best part of it is that she accepts me for who I am. She, like many others before her, could have criticized, complained, or straight up rejected me, but she didn’t. The feeling of happiness and satisfaction her love brings me is immense, and I can’t even begin to show appreciation to her.
When you allow yourself to feel vulnerable around others, you give yourself the opportunity to really get to know a person. If they’re willing to reciprocate in their vulnerability, you’ll find out so much about them that you never knew before. These are how strong and lasting bonds are built. Although the “Meg” scenario didn’t play out the way I wanted it to, I still learned a valuable lesson from the experience. There will be times where you open up to people and they reject you wholeheartedly. This will no doubt hurt and bruise your ego a bit.
However, when you find the right person and are willing to let them in, a whole new world of understanding and love is open to you. Commit to opening up more to the ones you love. Share intimate details about your feelings and special moments from your past. You may be surprised how eager and excited they’ll be to reciprocate and love you for it.
P.S
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