It's ok to be LGBTI and Noongar

“its ok to be LGBTI and Noongar”. This was the message a good friend of mine said was the only thing she wanted people to know.

Personally, I never fell in love with a gender, nor made a decision to be with solely a male or female. Obviously, I fell in love with an incredible human being who is my soul mate, but just happens to be a man. I remember being told that severe punishments and consequences would result in ‘choosing such a lifestyle’. That I had no right to speak on behalf of my country or culture because of my ‘life choices’. That I was going through a ‘phase’, I was ‘rebelling’ and the rest. Sheesh!

Nope. People legitimately fall in love and had relationships with the same sex, because they want to.

So, what about those who fall in love with someone of the same sex. Or if they fall in love with someone who chooses to not identify with a specific gender. What happens when someone feels alienated or challenged about who they love because the social ‘norms’ don’t accept or condone their choice. What if also, they came from a cultural background, in which some say is ‘against their culture’ and thus, ones cultural identity is challenged and threatened due to their     ‘choices’.

Well, just when you think your alone, along comes my friend Mel. Mel wrote to me through Facebook asking if I would be interested discussing this issue through my networks. Naturally I said yes, as it’s a conversation that needs to be had more often.

Mel grew up in the town of Kalgoorlie, about 7 hours from Perth. Mel told me that it wasn’t until high school she knew there was something different about her, which became apparent when she had a major crush on her year eight science teacher.

Mel came out at 21. She recalls it as being the hardest thing she ever had to do. “When I came out, my Dad didn’t speak to me for six months and it was over Christmas too. They were some of the longest months of my life”.

When I asked Mel what she thought of people saying that being LGBTI was ‘not a part of culture’ she said simply that ‘its sucks’. Mel recalls the feeling of letting her community down because she was gay. 

“They don’t accept you … think there is something wrong with you. I was even told that family would intervene by taking me to Graylands

Mel says that she laughs about some of the initial responses and reactions now, but remembers the impact it had on her life and how depression was an obvious outcome of this experience. In 2013, Beyond Blue released a paper LGBTI People Mental Health & Suicide, which spoke of how LGBTI represent some of the highest rates of suicide and mental health issues out of anyone in Australia. In relation to the statistics for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander LGBTI people, its much MUCH worse.

The turning point for Mel was when she said she took a long hard look in the mirror and owned the fact she was different. Not long after, Mel met her the love of her life in which they now have a child together.

“I owed it to myself to be true. I recognised that being gay didn’t change who I was. I just had to convince everyone else”.

Mel and her partner Sarah live in Perth with their 12 year old son. Mel proudly boasts that her son has an Indigenous Gay father and an Indigenous Gay mother. She also makes the point he is a happy, healthy and well-adjusted young man, as we all know the perception and conversations about the effectiveness of LGBTI parents is one of much debate and misinformation.

“its so taboo in our culture to be that why inclined … we need more people to speak out and change our mobs way of thinking. I don’t want our mob to feel isolated coz they aren’t straight. Its something I have wanted to raise since forever but I just haven’t had a sounding board. Just thought if I or someone spoke out that maybe the younger generation won’t feel so isolated”.

Mels story is not an uncommon one but it is truly inspirational and one that needs to be heard and understood more often. Hopefully many will read this and be inspired by her story of strength and courage.

If your reading this and feeling like you or anyone else is going through a similar issue and need to have a yarn, a few contacts may be of interest.

• Freedom Centre: https://www.freedom.org.au/
• Living Proud: https://www.livingproud.org.au/
• Minus 18: https://minus18.org.au/
• Black Rainbow Living Well Foundation: https://www.facebook.com/BlackRainbowAustralia