Its OK Im Not OK

Today I attended my MEJO 544 career prep class and was guest lectured by Bernard Bell Like other guest lectures I've attended, I listen and take in what they say, but Bernard really made me turn on my listening ears. When someone asks me how I am, I usually respond with "I'm good" or "I've been okay." I would never really respond with an in-depth summary of why I wouldn't be okay to someone in passing, but I feel like I don't usually normalize the not-okayness.

At this part of the semester, I am starting to hit my pit and feel burnt out, much like everyone else reading this. We tend to put everyone in this perfect bubble—that everyone has it all figured out and is on the smoothest path to their journey ahead.

A bit of insight into my life: I have a lot on my plate. Running my small business as a nail tech has been a blessing but also stressful at times. As it is my form of income while I'm a student, I prioritize it more than I do my schoolwork, unfortunately. This has led me to be behind on a lot of my work. While I'm not in any deep trouble, I just have a long checklist of things to catch up on.

I've also been feeling a bit of FOMO, which I never get. I am very secure when I say no or don't want to do anything or be alone. But I feel this pressure to still put myself out there and be around my roommates or friends because I don't want to miss valuable moments. I get to points where I feel like I just don't know where to start and get back on track. This can all be very frustrating considering I am an extremely organized person and am always on track. But I know life can get overwhelming, and I know I'm not the only one who struggles at times.

In class, Bernard made us all write on a notecard stating "When nobody's watching, I am..."—whomever you are that no one knows. He read each one aloud anonymously. We all heard the struggles and weaknesses each student was going through. Some were worse off than others, but all centered around the fact that no one has it all together.

It made me feel slightly better knowing I wasn't alone, but it also saddened me, knowing how much we're all going through and that we are scared of normalizing it sometimes. It's easier to say, "I'm doing great," than to be open and vulnerable with someone sometimes. This blog is my chance to be more open and vulnerable with my readers and share that I don't always have it all together. I cry when I'm overwhelmed, and I procrastinate when I don't know where to start. This isn't to say I don't persevere and push through the hard times, but it's okay to not be okay.

I hope this read made you feel less alone and showed that we are all in this together.