It's none of your business

Last night I was helping my daughter study for her year 12 psychology exam. I did psychology at university, however my daughter was covering content that I only learnt in second year (this was proof that teenagers do, in fact, know everything). She explained how phobias are formed and how they reflect in the brain's neurotransmitter activity and long-term potentiation (don't ask me what that is) which is also influenced by excessive negative focus.

It was a humbling and proud moment to be taught content by your 17 year old.

...It reminded me a little of this commercial from Uncle Tobys (see comments for the link)

One of the factors that amplify feelings of self doubt and insecurity is when you overvalue people's opinions.

Research has found that when people experience a failure, shortcoming or mishap there is a heightened and over-estimated fear that people will judge them negatively and that their reputation will be tarnished [1].

In reality, it is more likely that no-one really cares that much (or for that long) about what you are doing or saying, as they have their own world to focus on.

Sure, getting negative feedback or being around people who don't believe in you can really undermine your confidence in yourself - especially when you are trying to achieve something challenging that is difficult or new.

However, when you over value other people's opinions you give away your power to affect change and take action. This amplifies self-doubt and acerbates insecurity.

At the Pressure Proof institute , we use the principle of selective listening to build high performance teams. Selective listening is the ability to focus on one conversation while simultaneously ignoring other conversations.

We need to be open to feedback and aware of how we are being perceived, but not at the detriment of having the confidence to try new approaches, express opinions and instigate change.

Resilient people are selective with who they listen to and for how long. Ultimately, it is your own internal voice that you need to trust in order to make effective decisions, to solve problems and recover quickly from setbacks.

To build high performance teams requires a strong base of self esteem where you trust your judgment and back yourself, even if you think others may not or believe that others are judging you. The only true opinion of you that impacts your actions, is yours.

“What other people think and say about you is none of your business. The most destructive thing you would ever do is to believe someone else's opinion of you. You have to stop letting other people's opinions control you.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

This week, consider these two questions:

a. Do you value other people's opinions more than your own?

b. What might you need to stop doing in order to trust yourself more?

"Don't let someone else's opinion of you become your reality" - Les Brown