IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

ESPíRITU ?

THE HORSE GUY?

Coaching with Horses?

Story #97

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IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

“Sometimes you sense how faithfully your life has been delivered, even though you can’t read the address.” (From Trust, by Thomas R. Smith)

Prayer, someone said, is both an admission of existence and a surrender into the truth of life. We often know what we want and ask for it. Our intention is clear. We may be standing in the full beauty, strangeness and terror of life — our life — and simply want to return to the safety and moments of comfort and certainty we once knew. I have had many instances where I felt my prayer had been heard and many other times where I felt the Dark Mystery to which I had appealed was asleep at the wheel. My inquiry into “WHY” has always been met with the same response: ‘It’s none of your business.” I seldom ask why anymore.?

My inner guide says, ‘Don’t bother; it’s alright.’

There are strange things that happen that make me curious.

I am caring for our injured dog 24/7; he’s having knee surgery this week. He sleeps a lot and eats only when he’s ready; he used to eat on a regular schedule. Does his pain and the energy it takes to manage it leads to a loss of appetite? I don’t know.

My wife cares for our ailing horse. Mesa requires six rounds of medication delivered over the course of nine hours. She has two more weeks of this. The ranch is 40 minutes away so driving back and forth makes no sense. Mesa takes the oral dosages well but yesterday did something Lisa had not seen her do before: she herded Lisa gently but firmly away from the hay bin where the other horses were eating around to the other side. Was she protecting Lisa? From what? Was she welcoming Lisa into the herd? What were the hidden cues between horses unnoticed by Lisa? Why?

Last Winter something similar happened to me. The makeup of the herd was different then. I was in the paddock sitting on the hay bin as the horses ate. At one point Mesa came next to me and gently pushed me; I took a couple of steps back. Then, our other horse, Durango, came up on the other side of me and did the same thing, leaving me sandwiched between our two horses. I felt strangely protected but was unclear from what. Again, what were the horses sensing that triggered this behavior in them?

Stepping into a horse paddock is like stepping into an advanced alien civilization.

The rules, norms, customs, language, hierarchy, alliances and history of the inhabitants are largely unknown. Over time we may make some sense of how this world works, yet there are vast territories of unknown mysteries that remain, even for the seasoned horse person. The stance of humility, openness and curiosity are, to me, the bare essentials if connection and trust are to be established.

As an executive coach this mindset of being a visitor in an advanced alien civilization, i.e., my client’s life, serves me well. It’s quite common for me to make inquiries beginning with, In your culture is it ok to do this? Or, In your world are there unwritten norms about that? This way what little advice I give may actually be useful. I am required to be the eternal student. Lessons from the paddock show up on the zoom call.

Lately, I work with a large organization in the south. The pandemic continues to be troublesome and plans to return to the office have been put on hold. Many folks I’ve spoken with complain about the difficulty of building a sense of community through zoom or teams calls. When all you have is a head shot of people it can be tough. If this were an advanced alien civilization, however, and you wanted connection with the missing parts as well, the conversation would need to include those missing elements.?

‘What troubles you…what have you been learning…how have you experimented with different approaches…what you most proud or/sorry about…what do you want to have happen…what have you tried so far…what are the alliances and sponsors you need to cultivate…how are you holding up, etc.’?

Most of us would need to drop into our bodies to answer these kinds of questions. We’d have to cross a threshold of vulnerability. Who know what we might find there? Could be nothing at all. Whatever it is, we would have to take something hidden and bring it to light.

I am beginning to see why, when I ask “Why”? I am often told, ‘It’s none of your business.’? That question takes me out of myself, away from my own wisdom and away from the moment I am in. I’m afraid of the vulnerability required. My inner guide wants me to stay in the moment, in the situation, with the other person.?

My future self will know why when it needs to. I can trust this; I’m still here, after all!?

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Author’s caution: If a loved one asks what you’re reading, don’t tell them. It doesn’t go well.

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