No, It's My Turn to Talk!

First a quote: “We put little effort into real listening, we just take turns talking.” – Bob Conklin

Over 20 years ago, when I first started my consulting practice, I attended a networking event hosted by our local Chamber of Commerce. ?Following a short welcome reception, we were asked to be seated classroom style for a presentation featuring networking tips and suggestions. There were approximately 40 attendees, all excited to meet prospective customers and launch their respective businesses.

Anxious to meet potential clients and be at the heart of it all, I sat in the middle of the very front row. Because it was a “networking event,” the meeting host asked each of us to introduce ourselves with our 60 second “elevator pitch.” (An elevator pitch is a short narrative highlighting the products, services, and value you offer, and can be delivered in a two or three floor elevator ride… hence the name: Elevator Pitch.)

The facilitator asked the person on the end of the first row to my left to begin. As each person introduced themselves, I mentally rehearsed my pitch, knowing it would be my turn to speak after the first six people took their turns.

Certainly, I didn’t want to sound like a quivering mess and hopefully, even sought to sound professional, somewhat intelligent, or at the very least, not make a fool of myself. When my turn came to offer my hastily rehearsed elevator pitch, the host interrupted the process and asked me to introduce the six people seated to my left… the people who had just introduced themselves... before proceeding to introduce myself.

“Excuse me? You have got to be kidding me. Why me?” I thought to myself.

My mind raced, my heart pounded, my face turned red. I could not repeat one single name of anyone seated to my left, not even the person seated next to me, let alone tell you anything about the services they offered. And why couldn’t I tell you anything about anyone who had just finished speaking? Because I was focused on what I was going to say when it was my turn to talk.

My very worst fear came to life. I was discovered to be the fool I had hoped to keep well hidden, because I chose not to listen to others!

I was extremely embarrassed, and more than a little miffed, that the host picked on me that day to make his point. However, I have never forgotten the lesson he taught that day; which was:

“You can’t sell anything, to anyone, if you don’t listen to them first; if you’re not paying attention to what they are thinking, feeling, or saying.”

Communicating is far more than simply taking turns speaking, it is seeking to understand the speaker deeply and completely. Stephen Covey said it this way, “If you want to be understood, seek first to understand.”

While I’m confident I wasn’t the only person mentally rehearsing that day, I’m also quite certain I’m the only one who remembers that painful lesson from more than 20 years ago. I know I’m a better spouse, parent, friend, and consultant today because of my poor listening habits then.

I’m also lucky enough to be married to a loving woman, who kindly and gently reminds me, on a regular basis, to be a better listener. Being a good listener is hard work and takes tremendous focus and energy. I wish you all of the joy, and success, that can come with being an authentic and attentive listener.

With the emotionally charged mid-term elections tomorrow, I suspect we will all be presented with many opportunities to practice our listening skills and abilities in the days and weeks ahead. May we all be our “very best selves” this coming week, and always! It will take each of us, and all of us, to make this a better world.

Communicating is not just taking turns to speak!

Bonus quotes below.

How will you live, love, or lead, differently, or better, this week?

Sincerely,

Bryan Yager

“Expanding Your Capacity for Success”

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Bonus quotes:

• “When we listen, we hear someone into existence.” – Laurie Buchanan
• “Listen with your eyes, as well as your ears.” – “Graham Speechley
• “Listen with the will to learn.” – Unarine Ramaru
• “An appreciative listener is always stimulating.” – Agatha Christie
• “It takes a great man to be a good listener.” – Calvin Coolidge
• “Friends are those rare people who ask how we are, and then wait to hear the answer.” – Ed Cunningham
• “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” – Bryant H. McGill