It's more fragile than we thought

My son is going through a crying phase. He’s got some big molars coming in and they’re just starting to break the skin. It looks painful. He also doesn’t understand that he’s about to have a baby sister, but he knows something’s up. He keeps poking my increasingly gigantic belly with a worried look on his face. I don’t have the same ‘I’m growing new teeth’ excuse, but I feel the same way he does. 

Like me, you’ve likely been reading tributes to RBG this week. No matter where you stand politically, your life has been impacted by the nation-changing legislation she is responsible for. The list of her contributions to women’s rights and gender equality is nothing short of breathtaking. Chief among them is her belief that “women will have achieved true equality when men share with them the responsibility of bringing up the next generation.” 

She was an adamant, tireless advocate for equal caregiving responsibilities and rights. She understood what so many still don’t - until we treat men and women equally when it comes to caregiving, we will not have equal opportunities in the workplace. My cofounder and I have worked for years to build a company based on this same belief. We’re a co-ed team tackling the challenge of inclusively supporting all caregivers; the need for gender equality in the workplace and at home is core to our lives and our work. The fact that we can build this business is thanks to Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The fact that this company still needs to exist in 2020 is a depressing indicator of how far we still have to go to reach that equality. 

There are many sad ironies surrounding the timing of her passing, including the fact that she died when much of the progress she fought for has been jeopardized by COVID19. Despite all her efforts, a few months of a global pandemic has pushed working moms to the precipice. This pandemic stripped away any notions of equality for caregivers and laid bare how vulnerable our position as working moms truly is. It left us naked and exposed, and neither the government nor the private sector has come to our aid. 

As a working mom herself, I can’t imagine what a gut punch it must have been at the end of her life to witness the alarmingly rapid downward spiral caregivers, and working moms in particular, have experienced over the last few months. The illusion of equality was washed away, and underneath it’s horribly ugly. Even in our own homes, the equality we desperately work for, and dilusionaly cling to, has turned out to be false. Women across the country have carried far more of the caregiving burden than men throughout this pandemic. Men consistently overestimate the amount of work they’re doing at home, and data routinely proves it’s just not the case. We’re so used to women taking on more of the work, our realities are skewed. 

Prior to the pandemic, many companies claimed to be ‘family friendly’ - it was a trendy selling point. But when caregivers truly needed ‘family friendly companies’ the illusion was once again smashed. Companies are being asked to back up their words with money and action, and strikingly few have stepped up to the plate. You can list the companies who are implementing sustainable, impactful, and equitable support for caregivers on a sticky note. Not even one of the big ones. It’s a tragedy and danger for our society that we don’t fully comprehend yet. 

I try to be an optimistic person. I know there are some silver linings that could come from this. It could ultimately shift gender roles, open up opportunities for working moms, and eliminate working parent stigmas amongst other potential positives. But right at this moment, I am physically and emotionally feeling the weight of a new baby girl about to come into this world and it’s really hard not to feel defeated about our current position as working moms and working women. Seeing the realities of where gender equality truly stands in the wake of everything that has been happening is deeply painful. Still, I hope for, work for, and advocate for a better future for my daughter and her generation. But as we’re seeing, even with hard work at the highest levels, change takes a long time, and it is fragile. It is up to the rest of us to build on the progres we have been handed by RBG and her generation. To strengthen it so it is not as vulnerable with the next challenge we face, because there will be more obstacles ahead. As for our little ladybug, she’s kicking like a maniac, ready to come out fighting. We’re going to need it.