It's not me, it's my ADHD

I felt different, well, that’s what my head told me anyway, and that’s how I have always felt. Felt different at school especially, School was a struggle, homework, revision, focus was just not something I could do, I was just not as good as everyone else , lowest stream for everything (expect sport, freedom it gave me) . Maths? Well, the less said about that the better.

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There are things I look back on and even now continue to wonder, why do I do that? why can I NOT do that,? why do I find that difficult, while other people seem to find it super easy and straight forward? Why can’t I see that? ?Why am I always on internally, like one of those old fans in a hot hotel lobby. Throughout my working life these thoughts, actions, challenges have brought me great anxiety, difficulties, challenges, that somehow I managed to deal and cope with, but more importantly hide.

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Don’t get me wrong, there have been times this has not been easy that have led to very dark periods.

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Even at the tender age of 57, the drive to know why is ever present, what is it that makes me like this, am I normal? ??(lots of people will have an opinion on that) why do I love extremes, impulse, adrenalin and putting myself in the most difficult environments?, why do I find organisation difficult? Why cant I sit down at a dinner party, why do I need to move about.

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You have an idea, but just need that closure and clarity. So, ?a few days ago I went to see a specialist in that there London town after multiple surveys completed by people that know me as an adult and as a child and spent three hours being tested and in conversation with a specialist to see what is really going on or is it absolutely nothing at all and all in my mind.

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Post the tests I was sat down and given the results , “well Jeremy, looking at all the results of the tests in both areas I look at, anything above a 6 in each would indicate that you have ADHD.

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You scored a 7 in each.

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Been a lot to take in, a lot to digest even if I did have an idea, everything is falling into place and how things could have been different if only I had known, or the right checks and balances where in place. That wasn’t the case when I was a kid, so I just had to get on with it like many others. it’s made me who I am today, and the drive and desire to compete I continue to have. Now I understand, at least I can deal with it and hopefully? feel more content with the reality of the behaviours that I continue to exhibit. Its not me anymore? ..?? its my ADHD.

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Any way. Funny how things turn out !

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All I will say is, before you form an opinion, seek to understand because there are far more people out there in the business we are all in that share ADHD, than have been diagnosed. Some of those behaviours may come across as negative or confusing, irritating, overpowering or downright rude.? Just look closer, it may not be them,? it maybe their ADHD and actually, In some respects , ADHD is my superpower.