It's no longer Valentine's Day ... precisely why now is the time for husbands to sing to their wives

For the married men out there, now is the time to give love to your wife, and I'm going to tell you exactly how to do it. If you apply the wisdom which follows, it will change you, maybe even your spouse, and it might transform your life. [Important caveat: following are my own personal thoughts for your consideration.]

Let's get a couple things straight before we continue further.

First, I know it's not Valentine's Day. If that protest just pressed forward through the confines of reason contained in your frontal-lobe, then your age isn't only deteriorating your knees, back and hips ... it's also deteriorating the mojo your wife once fell in love with. Now is the time, the right time to give love.

Second, I happen to know a thing or two about love. They say it takes three years of concentrated study to become a subject matter expert in any field; and in the area of love, I think I busted that threshold a while back. While you may not find a doctoral degree attributed to my name transcribed in the Modern Journal of Medicine, I know a thing-or-two because I've seen a thing-or-two. I've been engaged four times (one only lasted 15 minutes but I still count it), and thankfully, married only once (and still going). I've also worked through the hardships inherent to giving and experiencing love in this chaotic world by reading, listening, and learning. I plunged myself into Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness programs twice, set the first of eight SIRIUS XM pre-selects in my car to Joel Osteen's channel for daily doses of positivity (a dialect of love), and I even own a cache of Tony Robbins CDs which, although I haven't listened to them yet, stare me in the face every day I enter my walk-in closet to choose what clothes I'll wear. I'm sure he talks about love ... I can just feel it as I look at Tony's confident smile with a cordless mic attached to it (which indicates to me he knows what he's talking about). As you can tell, I am immersed in a field of love.

So you may ask, "If today is the day, John, then what next? What should I do to give love to my wife, and receive love in return?" I'm glad you asked. I'm not going to hoodwink you by talking about one of the many ways you can demonstrate love such as mowing the lawn, helping the kids with their homework, or picking up the dog-poo. Those are loving things, but they become cop-outs if that's all we come to rely on. I'm talking old school romanticism. Going back to the basics by letting your heart guide you, giving flowers, and quoting a romantic verse.

First, let your heart guide you. In case you haven't figured it out yet, the way to a woman's heart is not through reason. Again, if you are thinking "It's not Valentine's Day, why give love now?" just stop. Breathe deeply ... from the chest, and exhale. Calm down. Now breathe deeply again, past the lungs and into your heart, and exhale the musical notes of love which that blessed central organ to your soul has been waiting to pipe for so long. Sounds nice, doesn't it? You have it in you, shipmate.

Next, the flowers. If you know what she likes, go pick 'em up. If you don't, then just ask her what she likes, let a couple weeks pass by in order that she forgets you asked, and then surprise her with such a thoughtful gift which indicates to your wife that you understand her. Nothing melts the heart quite like a gift that is given based not on what you think would make sense (a brand new set of Faber Ware cooking pans, for example, would probably be a bad idea for a whole host of reasons), but which means something to the person you are giving it to. And when it comes from you, for them, the gift of giving becomes a gift of love. In the act of giving, you also receive. That's the easy part.

The next part about what to say - as in a romantic verse - takes more effort. "I love you" is nice, but there's so much more out there to make your wife feel loved. For ideas, I suggest looking no further than Luther Vandross and the lyrics of his song "Never Too Much." Following is a list of the song's stanzas, a menu of options for romantic things to say to your spouse. After each, I provide my own advice for you to consider as you think about what works best for you and which will mean the most to the one you love.

(1) I can't fool myself I don't want nobody else to ever love me

My advice: Note the slight twist in this saying. It tells your wife she's irresistible, while offering you plausible deniability in asking for anything in return. This one is good anytime. The fact that Luther hits us up right off the bat with such thoughtful complexity sung in easy to deliver words speaks to his song-writing talent and genius as a minister of love.

(2) You are my shining star my guiding light my love fantasy

My advice: Ever heard of sweet nothings? That's it, good anytime ... but use it in moderation. Whisper it, don't declare it. So smooth.

(3) There's not a minute, hour, day or night that I don't love you

My advice: Very nice if your wife suffers insecurities about your relationship. A heartfelt statement of reassurance, appealing to her human, cognitive psyche.

(4) You're at the top of my list 'cause I'm always thinking of ya

My advice: #3 and #4 can be used alone or in tandem. They fit together naturally ... consider using them in combination.

(5) I still remember in the days when I was scared to touch you ... how I spent my day dreamin', plannin' how to say "I love you"

My advice: To be honest this one creeps me out a bit ... slightly manipulative ... but again, consider what feels right to you. Breathe in, breathe out. What does your heart sing?

(6) You must have known that I had feelings deep enough to swim in ... that's when you opened up your heart and you told me to come in

My advice: #5 and #6 are best for newly-weds. Not advised for later in marriage, as this just won't add up ... more likely to evoke a "what the heck are you saying?" look from your wife than an "Oh Sweetie..." And even if your marriage is fresh and new, treat it with caution ... it can come off as a bit desperate. With all this said, love is sometimes about risk, so if you want to go long, this one could have a great payoff.

(7) Oh my love, a thousand kisses from you ... Is never too much, I just don't wanna stop

My advice: Treat #7 with caution as well ... if you've been asking for love and follow with this, it can be viewed as manipulative. But oh how it is so perfect when the time is right! Of course, always respect if your kisses are too much for the person of your affection ... just know where #7 fits ... listen to the song of your heart to know when to use it ... to know when the time is right. If you don't know if the time is right, just breathe and listen to the key notes from your heart.

(8) Oh my love, a million days in your arms ... Is never too much, I just don't wanna stop

My advice: #8 is an old standby for longstanding marriages. There's a tint of thankfulness contained in this romantic quote for all the years you have spent together ... a nice gesture to her for putting up with all your baggage (we all have baggage) over the years.

(9) Never too much, never too much ...Never too much, never too much

My Advice: Yes ... a little too much ... don't overdue it. Luther could sing this stanza over and over and it would come off smooth - but we're not Luther. Let's just take his advice and use it in our own way, rather than trying to be exactly like him. Love must be authentic. Take what Luther says, but make it your own.

(10) Woke up today, looked at your picture just to get me started ... I called you up but you weren't there and I was broken hearted ... Hung up the phone, can't be too late, the boss is so demandin' ... Opened the door up and to my surprise there you were standin' ... Who needs to go to work to hustle for another dollar? ... I'd rather be with you 'cause you make my heart scream and holler

My advice: Before you ask ... using #9 all depends. If part of your value to the marriage is in bringing home the money, then diminishing the value of your job may not be a wise choice. However, if your spouse has been begging for you to get out of the rat-race and move to the interior of Alaska to start fresh, first I congratulate you, and second, #9 delivers the news she's been waiting to hear in such a romantic way. At this point, you two could probably just jump into the movie screen holding hands before the screen credits roll, and some cheesy 80's song by Survivor or Starship endears your love to all of us watching. With all this said, the first line, "Woke up today, looked at your picture just to get me started" - that part is good anytime.

(10) Love is a gamble and I'm so glad that I am winnin'

My advice: This is a great acknowledgment of what your spouse means to you, and it represents a tip of the hat to your shared commitment as a team ... as one.

(11) We've come a long way and yet this is only the beginning

My advice: #10 and #11 are good any time, good all the time, so good now and forevermore. Don't think about it. Just sing it.

(12) Oh my love, a thousand kisses from you ... Is never too much (never too much, never too much, never too much) ....

Amen. Remember, in the end, love isn't about you or your needs. It isn't about manipulating. It's about the one you love, placing them as your priority, caring for them out of love for them, as demonstrated through loving acts ... such as singing from your heart, giving flowers, and reciting a romantic quote from "Never Too Much." And when you love in this way, what you receive in return will never be too much.

Thanks, Luther.

[Lyrics Source:?LyricFind; Songwriter Luther Vandross; Never Too Much lyrics ? Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC]

[For real expert advice on love, I highly recommend reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 in the Bible.]