It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.

Dear Mind Jolters,

In case you’re going through some challenges, I wanted to share with you a powerful reminder:

“It’s not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.” — C.S. Lewis

Often, people tell me that I am “stronger” than they are. Especially recently due to my cancer journey. I don’t believe that I am stronger or different from you. I just LEARNED to carry the load differently. I became obsessive about mastering my mind and emotions so life feels more manageable.

Have you ever wondered why some people fall apart when hard times come and others manage to hang on and keep moving forward?

Even in times of collective loss, like it can be the case of natural disaster or even a global pandemic like we experienced, in which the victims suffer similar kinds of losses, there are going to be some people who cannot handle their loss, falling into despair, feeling stuck and hopeless. And some people grieve over the loss and then pick themselves up. They start the process of moving on, and they rebuild from what they have left, sometimes even better than before.

I can’t speak for those who lose hope and give up because I have never experienced that level of despair. I can only speak from my perspective, and there have been a lot of heavy loads recently (a painful divorce, surgeries, chemotherapy, etc.), but if the load didn’t break me, there must be a reason for me to carry it. Maybe it’s a lesson from the universe, and it’s preparing me for something; maybe it’s to teach me how to help someone else. I know I will eventually overcome my difficulties if I am resilient and persistent.

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor, argued in “Man’s Search for Meaning” that he who has a WHY to live for can bear almost any HOW. He talked about freedom of choice and how everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.

Frankl believed that no matter what happens to you, it is always your choice how to react and behave in that particular situation: “The sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision and not the result of camp influences alone.”

When the going gets tough, you get to choose how you will respond. Will you choose to remain the victim and hold on to disempowering thoughts like:

“It’s not fair!”

“Everything is against me.”

“Why do bad things always happen to me?”,

“I can’t catch a break!”

“My life is over! There’s no way I can get through this!”

Or will you choose to think more empowering thoughts like:

“This is a very challenging situation, but I will not let it defeat or define me.”

“I don’t know how to recover from this yet, but I will do everything possible to find a solution”.

“I will rearrange my life’s plans and make new plans based on this new reality.”

“Well, here’s an opportunity for character development!”

It is all about your perspective. Byron Katie argues in her book “Loving What Is” that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

We suffer when we believe our disempowering thoughts, but when we choose to think differently, we can move on against all odds. When we don’t let events define who are, we don’t suffer. That is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that.

All the suffering that goes on inside our minds is not reality, says Byron Katie. It’s just a story we torture ourselves with. It’s our interpretation of reality. We assign meaning (create a story) to what happens, and then make it about ourselves. We let those limiting beliefs define what we can do and who we are, thus becoming victims of circumstance.

Sometimes, It’s not all about you; sometimes, you have a powerful motivation to move on like your family or kids. How we respond to situations impacts the lives of others. You are teaching the future generation how to deal with problems. Sometimes, all it takes to change your perspective is asking yourself: “Who needs me to overcome this? Who needs me on my A-Game?”. There is always someone who can be inspired by your journey.

Last but not least, remember to seek help and support. We are not islands. You don’t have to carry all the load by yourself. Sometimes we don’t ask for help because we don’t want to appear weak, but that is just ego. We all need support. You can ask for the help of others, and you can support others with their own loads when you can.

Life can be very hard at times. However, it’s not the load that breaks you; it’s the way you carry it.