It’s the Little Things…

I really wish I had known that it would be the little things.

Maybe then, I could have been better prepared…

?? For the emotional tsunami that would hit unexpectedly in the middle of a women’s retreat when an innocent comment left me gasping for breath and running out of the room as politely as possible before the tears erupted down my face and I collapsed in noisy, snorting sobs on the floor of my cabin.

?? For the times I would be brought to my knees in such deep, full-body emotional pain that broke my heart wide open all over again when I saw a mother happily playing with BOTH of her twins.

?? For the time when my dear friend innocently leaned over to give her husband a loving peck on the cheek and I was overcome with the intense, heart-breaking knowledge that I could no longer do that now that my marriage was over.

I really wish I had known.

I would have prepared myself much better.

It truly IS the little things that catch us unaware ??

?? But here’s the kicker…??

You can NEVER prepare yourself for the little things because you can never know every little thing that will trigger you and leave you an emotional mess on the floor.

?? Maybe it will be pouring coffee in the morning realizing that now you only have to pour one cup and not two.

? Maybe it will be the grocery store clerk who will innocently ask your daughter if she has any brothers or sisters, not knowing that her twin brother had died.

?? Maybe it will be in the daily chores, where once they were shared and now it is solely on you (and with the snow we have just had here in Ottawa, you would really feel it! ?We have been shovelling snow since Thursday!! ??????)

For you, it will be different than for someone else.

You can probably predict some of the big things that may cause you to feel your grief more intensely, such as major holidays and family get-togethers. ?

For these events, you can try to mentally & emotionally prepare yourself and put a coping strategy in place for when your grief surfaces (if it does). ?This allows you to go into these situations feeling a BIT more prepared…even if your plan is to leave if it becomes too much - which is 100% OK.

I work with my clients ALL the time to create their personal coping strategy plan and, sometimes, it is simply the act of going through the motions of being prepared with a plan that helps support them in the moment.

So, the BIG things, you can kind of prepare for…kind of.

But there will ALWAYS be the little things that you never saw coming.

That take you by surprise.

That rip your heart wide open all over again.

That leave you sobbing uncontrollably on the bathroom floor.

When those times come - and they will - let them come ??

Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you feel.

Sadness, anger, rage, resentment, fear, shame, relief…feel ALL of it.

For it is in releasing those emotions that you honour your grief journey…that you honour yourself and your innate knowing of what your body and soul needs to do in order to make room for healing to occur.

??????

I wish someone had told me this when I started my grief journey.

I wish I had known about the little things.

I wish I could have been more prepared.

So, now, I am paying it forward and sharing this knowledge with you.

YOU are worth it!

M. xo

P.S. If you are struggling to move forward after grief, or simply want help creating your own coping strategy plan, I am here to support you. ?Book a short call by sending me a message or email - [email protected] and let’s explore what that support might look like.