It's Not Just You Ep 10: Stop playing small + Staying in your lane

Hey, baddies! Welcome back to "It's Not Just You," where we dive into the real talk that all of us fierce, ambitious women in male-dominated spaces need to unpack. Today, we’re tackling two big, messy issues that leave us feeling stuck and second-guessing ourselves:

?? “I feel like if I stop playing small, I'll get fired. How do I handle that?”

?? “I’m expected to deliver massive results, but then told to stay in my lane. How does that even work?”

Let’s dig in, because we’re not here to play small.

Check out the episode 9 highlights, stream the full episode or keep reading for a recap.

Should You Play Small or Find a Bigger Room?

That fear of getting fired for taking up space? Oh, it's real—especially if you’ve been burned before. But here’s the truth: shrinking yourself down doesn’t serve anyone, least of all YOU. I’ve been fired for not playing small, and guess what? No regrets. If the room can’t handle you, maybe it’s time to find one that can.

Nervous System Freak-Out Mode

When faced with decisions like this, your body might go into full-on freeze mode. It’s like you know you’re meant for more, but the thought of pushing back feels terrifying. That’s your nervous system throwing up roadblocks, but girl, you already have the answers. You’re just letting the noise get in the way.

Blame Socialization and Self-Doubt

We’ve been socialized—especially as women—to tie our worth to outside approval. We’re sold self-doubt because it keeps us quiet, humble, and oh-so-fixable. And let’s be real: confidence, especially for women, can feel like a risk. But staying small? That's a bigger risk.

Flip the Script

Stop shrinking yourself to fit into tiny, limiting spaces. It’s time to build the muscle of looking inward and asking, "Is this room even big enough for me?"

Here’s how:

• Channel Future You: Ask Future You what you should do. She’s probably telling you to take up even more space and never let anyone diminish your sparkle.
• Unleash Your Inner Troublemaker: Grab Luvvie Ajayi Jones ’ Professional Troublemaker and let it fuel your fire. It’s time to unapologetically take up space.

Check out the full episode.

Staying in Your Lane While Crushing Expectations

Being told to drive massive results and then being boxed in? Oh, the contradiction is real. It’s like they want you to do everything but only from this tiny lane. Let’s break that down.

Fight-or-Flight on Overdrive

When you’re being told to "stay in your lane" while being expected to overperform, your nervous system kicks into fight-or-flight. You feel responsible for more than what’s actually yours. The result? Interpersonal issues, burnout and resentment.

Get Your Validation Cookies—Internally

The reason you get out your lane is because you believe your measure of success lies in someone else's hands. Marginalized folks are constantly having to prove themselves, but here’s the deal: waiting for someone else’s validation is a trap. You define your own worth, full stop. You decide if you're doing it 'right'. You decide what's 'enough.'

How to Stay in Your Lane and Still Win

• Define YOUR Metrics: What’s actually yours to own? Focus on what you can control and measure your success accordingly.
• Master the "And": As in, “The wider team can miss targets and I can still be a badass.”
• Celebrate the Wins: Focus on the things you can control, and celebrate those little victories every day.

Check out the full episode.

The Bottom Line

Navigating life is messy, but you’re tougher than any of the obstacles. It’s not about shrinking to fit in; it’s about claiming your space or building a new one that lets you show up fully. You’ve got this, and always remember—it’s not just you.

Check out the episode 9 highlights or stream the full episode.

Join us for the next one! On Wed 10/16 @ 10a PT, we'll be covering:

??? How do you prioritize when you have people pleasing tendencies?

??? Help! I joined a hypergrowth startup that has squeezed all of my energy and time for self care out of me.

Catch the livestream here on LinkedIn, or register and join us for networking with other badass women REGISTER HERE.

Upcoming Masterclass Announcement

Join me for "Overcome Burnout & Reignite Your FIRE" THIS FRIDAY, October 11th at 11 AM Pacific. This is your key to being able to stop the overwork and overwhelm and reclaim your peace of mind. REGISTER HERE.

It’s Not Just You is my bi-weekly series, where I tackle all the real-talk issues women face on the job — think perfectionism, burnout, boundary-setting, and finding your fierce voice!

I spill the tea on my own 25 year journey in tech and drop some nuggets of wisdom on asking for that raise, ditching the guilt after saying no, and redefining your self-worth.

AND when you join live, you’ll also get some structured networking with other women facing the same exact challenges!

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