It’s Hard Being a Woman in Tech in Portland?—?A Woman in Tech?—?A Woman.

Everyone is talking these days about the challenges of being a woman in tech. We swap horror stories of lecherous bosses/clients/colleagues, condescending co-workers, and offensive/exclusionary company policies. (Check out recent polling numbers of women in tech released by FairyGodBoss?—?amazing site for women to review employers and work environment?—?and reported by Forbes. Also this recent survey showing 60% of women in Silicon Valley report unwanted sexual attention at work?—?seems low to me). 

Worse still, I think, is the shared understanding that we must bear the immense pressure of pretending as though the above doesn’t bother us. At best, we’re allowed to call it out, while appearing unflappable in the face of it. At worst, our mere acknowledgement of what we experience is seen as an epic, childish whine, a sign we’re “too sensitive” or not a “team player.” (See Sara Wachter-Boettcher’s recent post about being too sensitive)

Suddenly there’s a preponderance of evidence and stories that the tech community is not terribly inclusive of women, nor does it seem to strive to raise us up, empower us to do and be more, support us to live the lives we were meant to. (Also please read Sarah Nadav’s biting story about sexist VCs)

The numbers in the industry are staggering. There are virtually no companies of note in the industry that have gender parity in leadership roles and the picture regarding technical roles is much more dire (see recent data published by the Verge here). What’s worse is I’ve personally witnessed how companies grossly inflate even these paltry numbers, redefining what “leadership” means in order to tout a largely fabricated commitment to diversity.

I live in Portland, Oregon, bastion of liberalism and progress, yet according to Tech.Co, we came in dead last out of 58 U.S. cities when it comes to the state of women in tech. 58 out 58. I knew it was bad, but I didn’t think our city was any worse than the others, but boy was I wrong.

And while these numbers are certainly damning, they don’t come close to telling the whole picture. A 20% paycut and a lack of advancement to leadership simply because of your gender is admittedly pretty depressing, but these studies fail to shed light on the reality of what being a woman in tech really means?—?the sexist comments, the barriers to advancement, the lack of mentorship, the physical indignities, the threats of violence, and the constant judgment of our appearance, our personalities and our selves rather than our work. 

That story isn’t told nearly enough, so I was honored to participate in a conversation on this very topic with OPB’s April Baer on her show State of Wonder. Joined by my PDX Women in Tech (WiT) colleague, Amanda Brooks and my WiT cofounder, WeAreTripleThreat cofounder and close friend, Megan Bigelow, we created job descriptions that tell the real story of what it means to be a Woman in Tech and discussed our experiences in the industry, what we see changing and why we still stay despite it all. 

If this is a topic that at all interests you, I encourage you to read the summary article and listen to the show on Podcast.

We certainly didn’t solve anything during our discussion and in truth, we as a society likely won’t for a while, but the conversation needs to keep happening, often and with as many people as will listen and participate. It means so much to be reminded that I’m not alone in my experiences, that I have allies in this fight. That we can learn from each other and support each other. That younger women perhaps will learn more quickly how to mitigate these issues, cope with their fallout and rise above to change the script.

There are a lot of reasons why we’re having this conversation now, chief among them is that being a woman in tech is indeed hard. 

I’m a tough cookie. Just ask anyone who knows me. I’m fierce and confident and full of curse words. But there are days when the sexism is crushing. When the comments?—?both subtle and straight up in your face?—?are too much to bear. When I want the existence of my vagina or my tits to be inconsequential. When I want to be a human in tech. And everywhere else.

Here’s the thing. Being a woman tech is indeed hard, but so is just being a woman in the world, in life.

There are times when it feels like our femaleness is the only thing people see, that our ideas, our accomplishments, our passions, ourselves must be perpetually viewed through this lens of our femininity. Sometimes that feels empowering?—?to own my womanhood as part of what makes me strong and fierce and capable. But all too often it feels as though no part of me matters without me proving my worthiness as a woman?—?my sex appeal, my fertility, my maternity.

As a society we judge women by a unique and patently unfair standard. We do this in life and we do this in work. In my professional experience, I’ve noticed that we frequently use subjective personality assessments as a means to judge a woman’s ability to do her job. We don’t do this to men. We very rarely say “Well, Steve produces great work, but he’s so abrasive/assertive/overbearing. He should let others shine more.” This type of judgment isn’t just common for women, but it’s often used to justify her lack of career advancement.

Kieran Snyder for Fortune magazine produced a study on gender bias in performance reviews that is concerning, but not remotely surprising to any woman. She found that while 58.9% of men’s reviews included critical feedback, a whopping 87.9% of women’s reviews did. Also telling, the word “abrasive” is used 17 times to describe women, but the word didn’t appear once in the 141 reviews of men.

As a woman you must constantly walk the ill-defined and ever shifting line between strong and abrasive, confident and overbearing, tough and cold. 

Inevitably you’ll get it wrong at one point or with a particular person and the consequences can be damning. The push and pull between these opposing forces is not only tiring, but bewildering as well. Over time, knowing where the honest you lies in all of that can feel almost impossible. The gravity of that confusion is immense and seems only to grow over time.

I don’t have an easy answer to this problem. I don’t believe there is one. This can’t be solved with company policies or diversity trainings or corporate initiatives alone. There is so much gender bias ingrained in the way we speak, the way we judge, the way we interact as a culture. But I firmly believe that a little self-awareness and personal accountability can significantly impact our individual spheres of influence.

If you find yourself using someone’s personality to condemn their work, check yourself. If you’re criticizing or gossiping or judging a woman?—?for any reason at all?—?think for a moment about whether you’d use the same language or have the same disdain if she were a man. If you’re in a professional setting and you’re about to comment on a woman’s appearance, her attire, her choices in life, her personal life, just don’t. If she wants your opinion, your advice, your helpful two cents, she’ll ask for it.

And don’t just stop yourself or others from being unnecessarily judgmental, cruel or biased. Go a step further and support the women in your life, on social media, online. Not because they’re women, but because they’re people and they deserve it. When they write or speak of their struggles or their triumphs, engage with them. Listen to their ideas. Celebrate their work. Ask them questions. Show your support. Share their stories. Join their communities. Ask them to join yours.

None of this is rocket science, it’s just empathy. It’s basic human kindness. And it can go a long way.

If you nodded along with this post, please share with friends and colleagues that might enjoy it, hate it or learn something. It would mean the world to this author and to the community I’m trying to support.

Help the Movement: 

We are Triple Threat is a project to address the myriad of struggles that women face in the workplace. We’d like to better understand how women generally feel about how gender plays a role in their professional lives and what resources might improve their situation. Because we’re determined to get enough results to make this data relevant, we would really appreciate if you would take this quick survey and forward to any of the women in your lives. In exchange, we promise to send you the results and keep you updated on our plans to do something about them.

Take the Survey

Join the Movement:

If this conversation resonates with you at all, please subscribe to We Are Triple Threat. We’re pre-launch now, but it will be a place for women to share, inspire and learn to excel in all areas of their lives?—?Personally, Professionally, and in our Communities. Join the Movement.