It's Good To Talk

Welcome to the Elevate newsletter on LinkedIn. This newsletter is for leaders and entrepreneurs who are looking to grow their success in life and business. My fortnightly newsletter will get you to think, help you to clarify your vision, create traction in your business, and help you to have more focus, flow, and fun in your life.

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I’ve shared before on my podcast that three months after I moved to New Zealand, and just before the pandemic kicked off, I realised that I was the loneliest I’d ever felt in my life. I was away from home, family, and friends, and I was struggling to engage with people and have meaningful relationships. I was out of my comfort zone, and I was lonely. I went to some pretty dark places during that time. But when Covid hit I went into help mode. I was helping individuals and businesses make the rapid shift to working online and pivoting their businesses to survive the pandemic. I was back in my comfort zone. It felt great and I was more like myself again.

A year or so later as things began to settle, the dark patch returned, and I felt like I didn’t belong or feel accepted. When I was catching up with people from the UK there was so much excitement and positivity from them about my move so when they asked how it was going, I met that with what I thought they wanted to hear. ‘I live 5 minutes from the beach’, ‘everything is wonderful’. But, although I didn't initially realised it, things weren’t so great for me.

Fortunately, I have gathered and practiced copious tools and techniques over the last 15 years which I was able to implement to help me out of that place. What felt surprising was that even though I teach about the tools, and I run groups for other people, I still went to that dark place, and I stayed there for quite a while. Luckily, I was able to get myself out but plenty of other people do not have the support, knowledge, experience, or tools to help them. This is why talking about this is so important to me. I don’t want other men going through those feelings alone and feeling trapped. If one person who is struggling reads this and reaches out to someone and shares how they are really feeling, finds a local men’s group, or asks their friend how they are really feeling, then this is worth sharing.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been made aware of 4 men locally who died by suicide. Global male suicide rates have been reported as high as 533,000 men per year. This must change.

I’ve been in the ‘help’ space for 20 years, but it’s only been in the last couple of years since I’ve been involved in The Mankind Project that I’ve been doing more work with men where I am creating and holding a space where they can be open, honest, vulnerable and without judgment. This has proved to be a cathartic thing for me. Being able to use the skills and experience that I’ve got to create and hold that space for other men has been powerful.

This year for International Men’s Day I was involved in running events locally for the second year. Opportunities to gather together, share and normalise talking about mental health.

We live in a very transactional society, and the art of deep and meaningful conversation has been diluted over the years. Some people have relationships that allow them to share. But some people haven’t had role modelling or the influences of people around them which has meant that they aren’t even aware that sharing is something they can and should do. The men’s group provides an opportunity for this to happen.

I think it is easy to underestimate the impact we can have on other people’s lives just by being friendly and courteous. A really simple thing to do is to ask ‘how are you?’ – with intention. And then ask it again, and again.

Often the automatic response when someone says how are you is ‘good thanks’, or ‘not bad, how are you?’ But this isn’t necessarily how they are really feeling. Asking again with a slower pace and more intention can allow people permission to share how they are really feeling.

I’d like to close this newsletter by asking you – how are you? No really, how are you? Who are you talking to? When was the last time you were a shoulder for somebody else?

I’d also encourage you to ask someone today ‘how are you?’ But make sure you notice the response you get. And then ask for a second and third time with intention. Letting them know that you are genuinely giving them permission to share how they really are. You could really make a difference.

Adam

Adam Harris

Professional EOS Implementer | Leadership & Business Coach | Facilitator | Keynote Speaker | Author

www.eosworldwide.com/adam-harris

[email protected]

The Mankind Project

The ManKind Project are located all around the world and offer a space for men to be open, honest and vulnerable without judgement. I'd really encourage you to take a look or share with anyone in your life who you think might benefit.

Find out more:

UK and Ireland: https://mankindprojectuki.org/

New Zealand: https://www.mkp.org.nz/