It's A Family Affair

If you’re in the world of being an at home or informal? caregiver of a loved one with Alzheimer’s or other dementia, take advantage of the resources available to you inside or outside? your home.

I’m an advocate of at home caregivers utilizing the resources they have in the family.? The job of caring for a loved one at home is an enormous undertaking that requires “all hands on deck,” even the children.

In the over 25 years I have been working in Senior Care as an Administrator, Trainer, Lecturer and Consultant, I have come across 101 different stories of family dynamics when it came to dealing with the challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia. Todays installment focuses on the remarkable efforts of one of those families.

I’ve known David for nearly 40 years. When I first met him, we were working in the same industry. Our paths would often cross and our relationship became stronger and closer. I went to his wedding, have watched his two sons grow up to be wonderful young citizens and I remember when he lost his Mother to Alzheimer’s.

After his mothers death, Dave had his father move in with him. The large house had an in-law apartment that accommodated their needs perfectly and allowed each of them to “have their space.”? Dave is an only child and he is devoted to his parents so taking this step was a labor of love.

I’ve written before that there is no cure for aging and as time marched on Papa has become more needy. No more coffee clatches with the guys, no more Mall walking with his friends and at 95, he rarely leaves his apartment. The slow progressive disease has affected his ambulation, his ability to communicate and taken away the kind, soft spoken, patient man and replaced him with a guy that can be ill tempered, impatient and often confused. Dave has a new Dad now as this thief of a disease has stolen his old one.

Dave and his entire family should be “sainted.” In spite of the many new challenges his father has presented them with, they have ALL stepped up to deal with them. His wife, who works in Academia as an Administrator, is on duty the moment she gets home. She checks on him personally as well as uses a camera app she has on her phone to monitor him. She administers his medications, prepares his meals, does the laundry and more. When she has to be away at an inconvenient time, her sister, steps up to help. And whenever it’s possible both sons will come to the house and? “chip in” to insure that Papa stays safe. The remarkable thing is that not one of them complains about it or looks at this as an imposition. They have done an incredible job of “circling the wagons” on Papa’s? behalf.? Dave works second shift so he can cover things during the day and in most cases he does. When he can’t, they call in outside help.

In spite of the fact that Papa’s care plan appears to be “hitting on all cylinders,” he has now reached a point where he needs more care and attention than the family can provide. The result of that conclusion is that they are

now planning to place him in a dedicated memory care community. There’s no guilt or sense of failure. It’s simply what’s best for Papa. They’ve been proactive and ironically, decided to place him where Dave’s mother spent her final days dealing with Alzheimers.

This is a true lesson in? using all the resources in and out of the home at the appropriate time. Resources that benefited everyone involved. I wish this could be the case for all families in the caregiving world.

Questions, email me at [email protected] .? Join the Journey.