EMPTY NEST?

The day my son Andrew left for Virginia Tech, (his brother Tom was already there), I headed out for my ritual morning walk around Lake Thoreau in Reston.

I ran into a neighbor and we joined up so we could get caught up.

When she heard both boys were at college, she said, "Oooh, you’re rattling around in that big house all by yourself? You must be so lonely, suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome.”

I smiled and said, “I don’t have an empty nest, I have an open nest.”

Her eyes flew open. “A what?!”

I smiled, “An open nest. Empty means no one’s home. I'm there.

My sons aren’t absent. They’re happy, healthy, doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing at this stage of their life. They're not apart from my life, we’re still part of each other's life. We're all free to come and go as we please."

She said, "Wow. I never thought of it that way."

How about you? Do you have kids who have moved out of the house - and people keep assuming you're suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome?

Is it time to disrupt that presumptuous stereotype?

One of our goals as parents is to raise self-sufficient kids who have the confidence to make their own way. Them leaving the nest is a good thing - part of the natural order.

If your kids are creating a new life, could you remind yourself they're doing EXACTLY what they're supposed to be doing at this stage of life - and it's time for you to do the same?

Could you re-take the lead in your own story? Re-engage in activities you haven't had time for? Update old ways of thinking?

That can mean disrupting routines that come so automatically you don't even think about them. For example ...

While raising my sons, my habit was to always take the first flight home following a speaking engagement.

Soon after Andrew left for college, I had an opportunity to speak in Orlando. I was making reservations and about to lock in a return flight the same night of my presentation when I stopped in my mental tracks. Why was I hurrying home to snowy Virginia when I could stay a few days in sunny Florida?

Why? Well, I was doing what I'd done for the past couple of decades.

But there was no one to hurry home to. I could stay a couple extra days and explore the area, spend a few hours in the sun by the pool, maybe even (gasp) get a massage.

So that's what I did. I gloried in my freedom and autonomy to have an adventure.

Since then, whenever possible, I add a day or two to the trip whenever I'm speaking in a new city so I'm taking advantage of my open nest status.

How about you?

What is something you keep doing because it's what you've been doing?

Is it time to disrupt that, rethink that, try something different?

Here are a few favorite quotes to help you revisit defaults that might be ripe for disruption.

Thought-provoking Quotes to Revisit and Revise Habits

1. If your habits don't line up with your dream; then you either need to change your habits or change your dream." - John Maxwell
2. "You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, ‘I release the need for this in my life’.” - Wayne Dyer
3. "Transformation is much more than using skills, resources and technology. It’s all about HABITS of mind.” – Malcolm Gladwell
4. “Don’t tell it like it is. Tell it like you want it to be.” -Esther Hicks
5. "The secret of change is to focus all your energy NOT on fighting the old but on building the new." - Socrates
6. "The life you’ve led doesn’t need to be the only life you have.” – Anna Quindlen
7. "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change we seek." - Barack Obama
8. "It’s the second act that has the happy ending.” – Lisa Alter Mark
9. "Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." - George Bernard Shaw
10. “I firmly believe you should never spend your time being a former anything.” – Condoleezza Rice

At a recent SOMEDAY salon, a woman said, "You know what I've realized? The reason I'm stuck is because I keep telling myself a story about how stuck I am."

Bingo. The good news is - we can do things differently anytime we choose.

We can change for good as long as we update habits ... now not someday.

- - -

Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency and 3 time TEDx speaker, - is on a mission to help people create a quality life-work now, not someday. Her books have been featured in NY Times, on NPR and taught to NASA, Intel, ASAE, Accenture, Capital One, YPO and EO, Nationwide. This is excerpted from her latest book SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week.