It’s easy to lose your faith at Hajj…

While I have just gotten back from hajj and have taken a few days to contemplate the experience that is nothing short of life-changing, I figured I would write this note to serve as my own personal reflection on this act of worship. As I am neither a mufti or a religious reference, I hope everyone treats this as a mere opinion piece that is not meant to dictate or influence any religious practice or views.

This is not a critical piece, nor is it a complaint piece, it is more of an image for you to reflect on.

Hajj holds a significant place in Islam, referred to as a "Rukun," meaning "Pillar." Just as a structure relies on its pillars, Hajj is a fundamental aspect of the faith. However, it is intriguing that Hajj is the only pillar of Islam that is preconditioned with the ability to perform it.

?Hajj, like all things in Islam, starts with the intention, and for me, it was a completely unplanned trip that went something like this when I got a phone call from my brother who said: “you received a Hajj permit. Would you like to go?” It is believed that a Hajj invitation is more or less a divine call, and to say the least, you don’t want to decline it.?

All while preparing for Hajj, you hear the different stories and experiences of people that vary in ease and difficulty, legends of blessings and serendipity and varying religious perspectives on different aspects of this worship, things to do or to avoid and so on. However, there are two themes that seem to be constantly intertwined with Hajj, irrespective of the story: beautiful” and “difficult”. At a surface level, those two themes look like polar opposites, like fire and ice, yet, I view them as contrasts that exist in everything beautiful in life.?

Now let me take you through this journey…

Starting with the ‘Ihram’?

To first explain, “Ihram” is the sacred state a pilgrim must enter before carrying out the rites of Hajj. One of the biggest themes of Hajj is equality, meaning we are all “equal”. That starts by ridding yourself of everything that you are in normal life and putting on a dress of humility. All men wear the same thing,a simple two-piece white cloth that covers your full body. You are now all equal, incognito, a mere drop in an ocean of white where the significance of who you are becomes irrelevant.

As you proceed to the airport you find people dressed in their Ihrams waiting for their flights, but they all don’t all share the same experience at this point. While some may be on their third connection already, traveling over the world on cheap carriers, others have a different experience, flying to the same destination. While one guy is on a 100-hour bus ride, the other is on their first class seat…all meant to be “equal”.

Now we head to Mecca

As you arrive in Mecca and make your way towards Masjid Al-Haram, the most sacred site in Islam, you are greeted by a structure believed to have been built by angels at the dawn of time and subsequently restored by Abraham and his son Ismael.

For over 2,000 years, pilgrims from all corners of the world have flocked to this place. Stepping into the Haram, you are immediately captivated by its grandeur, the aura of sanctity, and the sheer multitude of people. On that white marble, you truly are, for the most part, equal.? Amidst your amazement, your eyes will fall on the “Kaaba”, and it doesn’t matter how many times you have seen it, there is something that almost hypnotizes you just by staring at it. In that moment, you see the outpouring of emotions, tears, prayers and the hearts of the yearners jumping out to reveal a face of humanity that is rarely encountered elsewhere. Something silently screams to you "I believe in the unseen...I believe in God... and I sense the divine essence that has brought me here."

Now, although you watch people’s first reactions to some of the world’s most magical landmarks, I have never seen people tearing up in front of the Burj Khalifa, the Rockefeller Center, or even the Great Pyramids. However, the Kaaba evokes something otherworldly.

Suddenly, during this experience, you are pulled out of the depths of your spirit by the commanding voice of an impatient policeman, shouting, "Hij ya hajj! Hij ya hajj!" - which in other words means, “get out of the way and start moving”. The voice calls you back into the world, along with people taking selfies, making video calls and shreds of gossip and silly talk, disrupting your spiritual immersion. And if you linger for a moment, you will definitely be pushed out of the way.

This takes me back to the point I initially mentioned in this piece about people’s experiences of Hajj which I referred to as” ice and fire”-? or in other words, beautiful, yet difficult. Beautiful because you are able to access the almost angelic part of yourself, and difficult when confronted with the ease and speed at which humans take the divine for granted, just to get back to their lower self instincts of wanting to boast,or exercise power.

This contrast, resembling a microcosm of real life's emotional journey, subjects you to numerous tests. I would argue that this process, by divine design, is intended to be testing and to challenge who you are as a person by exposing you to discomfort.??

The tests and my reflection…?

1. Patience:

I would argue that not all patience was created equal and that it seems that the more resourceful one is, the less inclined they are to be patient. The saying “money doesn’t wait in line” holds true in many aspects of life. The greater your resources, the less you need to endure discomfort or inconvenience.That holds true for almost everywhere except for Mecca, because at that moment, it doesn’t really matter what you have because it won’t buy you more space, give you advantage over another pilgrim, help you go faster and, it won’t even get you ahead at the line in “AlBaik”?

2. Humility

While performing the tawaf around the Kaaba, you get a sense of what it means for everyone to be equal. Despite the prevalence of class divisions in some parts of the world, during tawaf, no one knows or cares about each other's social standing. Better yet, nobody cares that the guy that just pushed you is a janitor or a valet driver, who on a normal day would have to pay you immense respect and be of service to you. That push, aside from its physical impact, serves as a reminder, perhaps not so gentle, that at a fundamental level, that person could be your superior or your equal. More than anything, this push is directed towards your ego.?

The flame of anger igniting within you is nothing but your arrogance rebelling against the fact that no matter who and what you are, you are no more human than the brother who pushed you out of the way.?

3. Self-concept

Once you have gone through the various humbling events, you start to understand your self-concept a lot better. You find yourself pondering profound questions: if not for the bank account, and if not for the externalities of life,who am I??

This is a question I personally didn’t know how to answer at first, but I got to the conclusion and a realization that if your self-concept is based on, and is derived from what you own and what you have,you don't have a lot of self to be conceptualized.

4. Argumentation

In a broader context, argumentation is an innate human fallacy. In The Quran it is mentioned that man is the “most argumentative of thing” and this notion does not particularly refer to the act of verbal argument (debate), but that man will struggle to accept their own fallibility and will put active effort at times to prove his opinion,not out of righteousness but out of ignorance or arrogance.

In Hajj, more often than not, you are put in a position where you feel you are right and everyone is wrong, or a position where you get the urge to argue or debate about a certain topic, but it will almost always be in vain. Choosing not to engage in arguments can be an incredibly challenging experience as most humans believe that our opinions are important and need to be voiced. But then there is in that same place in the midst of the Hajj crowd, where one is made humble as he realizes that his opinion holds no weight and is nothing more than a waste of sound.?

I tend to think that this perspective applies to most opinions in most of life’s situations. While I do believe that not everyone's opinion is deserving of equal consideration, I also recognize that everyone holds one, and that opinions should be treated with a lot of care until they have enough evidence and backing - empirically - as I tend to think that opinions are qualitative rather than quantitative. For instance, a million people could hold a wrong opinion while only one person could possess the correct understanding. It is often easier for people to agree with incorrect opinions rather than accept the right ones.

5. Spirituality?

As I see it, most of us are blocked from accessing our higher spiritual selves, often by our own deeds and doings. Think of spirituality as this radiant star within you that you jeopardize and dim each time you indulge in your lower self instincts. Eventually, this blocks your connection to that inner radiance, making it difficult to feel or reach.

The Quran mentions that heaven is only granted to those “ who are patient and extremely fortunate”. Not many are fortunate to find their spiritual self, and I understand it. However, in a place like Hajj where, amongst all these challenges and tests, you can reach into your heart and sincerely surrender (“tasleem”, the root word of Islam) to find inner peace (“salam” a derivation of the word Islam), is a unique moment and a life-changing experiment of self-discovery.?

During Hajj, you witness the profound influence of patience, humility, community, equality, and justice. If you are fortunate, you will experience selflessness and genuine spiritual presence, but at the same time you will observe ego, pride, ignorance, stubbornness, selfishness, and all the negative aspects of human nature - all at the same time, like ice and fire. Hajj mirrors the moral of life and exemplifies how to be saved, you need to walk on a thin line of adhering and committing to your higher self , and fighting your primal self really hard (jihad) in order to attain spiritual growth.

It is easy to lose your faith in Hajj if you give into yourself and its desires, but if you don’t, you would not only gain your faith, you would win your spirit. There exists a thin line that separates the two outcomes, and this can be argued to be the case for various aspects of life. In a more worldly example, if you climb Mount Everest, you must combat extreme fatigue and exhaustion and the desire for warmth, comfort and shelter. However, if at any given point you give in to yourself, you might lose your life, but if you persist, you would end up rewarded, not by worldly means, but by something that makes you realize your true potential as a human and understand your significance within the world, while humbling you against your true boundaries and limitations.?

These are my personal thoughts and opinions, and I hope they prove helpful to those who reflect upon them.

If I am mistaken, I seek forgiveness from Allah (Astaghfirullah) and repent from my mistakes, and if I am correct, I ask Allah for the continuity of his blessings in our knowledge and actions.

…And Allah knows best and is the most wise, and all praise is due to Allah (Wa Allahu ta'ala a'lam wa ahkam wal hamdulillah)?