It's Crazy, Right?!

I do this thing, and I know it annoys those around me. When I am successful at something, anything really- and someone congratulates me I usually shrug my shoulders, roll my eyes and excitedly say something “I know, it’s crazy, right?”  

Recently, I was informed that I was a finalist for an award, the WBO- Washington-Woman Business Owner of the Year Award and people have congratulated me about it and I promptly found myself shrugging, rolling, and waving my hands dismissively to say “so crazy, right?”  

When I do this, I’m negating my accomplishments. More than that, I’m negating the opinion of the person who gave the compliment. In fact, I make it seem like the fact that I’ve succeeded at something is just silly dumb luck and well, “crazy, right?!”  

That is a disservice to me, to the people who work hard for and with me. It dismisses all those who have had faith in me and supported me, especially when I wasn’t so sure of my own vision. I have decided that it is time for me to change that verbal pattern, but more than that; it really made me think, on a deeper level, about what is going on here.  

Why in the world do I do this? Without going back in time and dissecting my experiences, the general patriarchy and all the subtle gender norms that I’ve incorporated into my ‘way of being’, for me, I believe it’s about confidence.  

Not Confidence with a capital “C” but confidence that should come from knowing when you’ve done a good job and being proud to say so. 

Confidence is a tricky trait, especially as a woman. I need to be strong, but not bossy, smart but not a know it all, approachable but not a pushover. Yes, yes, yes…you’ve likely heard some variation of this many times. But in fact, children are told “don’t get too big for your britches” or “nobody likes a showoff” and any number of other pieces of well meaning advice meant to ensure our precious kids remain humble. It definitely happened to me, because it’s a cultural thing and I live in the Western World.

So, I wonder why some people step into their successes and shout to the world “I’m fantastic! Come play with me.” And others shrug and say, “I have no idea how this happened; it’s just crazy!”  

Then I thought about my own children; a girl and a boy. Throughout their childhoods they have proudly announced their successes and showed little reserve. I love to see them proud of their work, I’m proud too. I feel validated when I compliment one of them on a project, or hard work, or creativity and they accept the compliment.  

All at once, I wondered when did I decide to be embarrassed by my success? 

To deny my hand in my own achievements? 

To play just a little bit smaller?  

Well, I think we humans are a fragile bunch, although we sure don’t like to admit it. I know that I have been called sensitive and full of emotion. That is completely true. I also remember pivotal times; when I was full of bravado and confidence and I was just SO ENTIRELY SURE I would be successful at something- to have it fall flat or to completely fail in a big and embarrassing way. Was that when I pulled back, risked less, began to account for any success with a shrug and a silly face?  

Confidence is a multi-layered concept and I think when we are SO completely and confidently certain of even simple things like:

• I'm going to be picked first for kickball
• He/She is definitely ‘The One’ 
• That big promotion is in the bag

To then have it turn out to be the opposite…to really and truly fail, it messes with our mojo a bit. It’s possible we are not as confident the next time.   

Maybe we learn to ‘not get our hopes up’ for fear of failure or embarrassment. 

I know I have a misguided idea that if I don’t show how much I care, then it won’t hurt as much if and when I do fail.  In fact, I am here even though I’ve struggled to take ANY credit for the company I’m building and the success I’m experiencing. It is fear, uncertainty and doubt that I continue to FEED with my own self talk, my own refusal to step up and say, “thank you, I am really proud of what I have done.” To be honest, even writing that sentence without some sort of qualifier is difficult for me.  

I feel the weight of all the people I work with; the people who do amazing and terrific work every single day. I am so entirely impressed by the men and women in my orbit that it’s just really hard to fully embrace any credit I may deserve for the collective success we experience. 

I don’t have this all figured out- I am a work in progress folks, a real work in progress. 

However, this ‘work in progress’ is starting the year differently. I’m not going to make a resolution to exercise more, to eat better, to spend less time in front of a screen (let’s be honest- I would likely fail at each of those.) Instead I’m focusing on one small sentence and finding my ability to ‘find & replace’. 

In the face of success, when I so badly want to shrug it off and say, “I know, it’s crazy right?!” I will stop; for a millisecond, firmly plant my feet, smile and say “thank you”. I will replace the word ‘crazy’ with some other word (almost any word ). Who knows, I may even say â€œthank you, I know, it’s- exciting, or exceptional, or surprising, or thrilling….…..” the possibilities are endless and I think this is a resolution that has the power to change things for me and all those well-meaning people in my cheering section. 

I invite you to consider if you have a repeating message that might be holding you back. What if you could find and replace some self-defeating mantra, with something powerful, encouraging and perhaps even inspiring to you and those around you? 

I mean, it’s crazy, right?!

Jonni Ressler is the CEO of Eleven 11 Solutions and believes successful marketing is another form of storytelling and that Relationship is Everything. A natural connector, Jonni has built a multimillion-dollar consulting business by matching hiring managers with top talent across the United States. Her consultancy is ruthlessly committed to helping clients tell stories that will NOT put you to sleep. When she's not leading Eleven 11 Solutions, and actively supporting her family and their respective interests, you can find Jonni on stage doing Improv.