It's Not Cool to Pee Your Pants

Contrary to Billy Madison, it not actually not cool to pee your pants, especially as an adult. In fact it is down right embarrassing.

I was sitting in a windowless room when I first heard it talked about as something I could help with. I had mixed emotions and thoughts mainly centered around, “I can’t see myself ever doing that.” And yet here I am 15 years later, about to write an entire article about it. So here is the article on why you should care how your nether regions work. Didn’t know Physical Therapists can help you care for that? Neither did I until that day in the windowless room. Many young women and classy ladies struggle with lady bits issues because they don’t know they can get help.

So let’s talk about lady bits. I know talking about nether regions can be uncomfortable. They are incredibly uncomfortable because most of us never got a good honest conversation with our mothers about lady bits. After all, they never got one, either, so no judgment. They all probably gave us more than they got. To all those men out there, you might want to stick with reading this because more guys' understanding would be fantastic. Plus, I don’t think we are the only ones buying diapers as we age. I promise not to make it too uncomfortable for you…Probably.

There are all kinds of reasons we don’t talk about our privates—family taboos and cultural norms are typical reasons. The one place we should be able to talk about it—our doctor's office might not support discussion either. Your regular medical professionals (not your OBGYN lady bits doctor), who should be okay talking about lady bits, might brush off vagina owners' concerns by saying, “That’s normal at your age.”?

I am currently 41, and I can tell you that experiencing issues with peeing, pooping, or painful sex should not be brushed off because those are issues that keep you from living everyday life. In my Christmas card three years ago, I stated one of my life goals was to cut into the adult diaper and pee pad companies' profit margin. I will need you all to share this post for that to happen, so I will wait here while you share away….back? Okay, good deal. Thanks for helping me get one step closer to achieving that life goal.?

Thank you for spreading the word and cutting into the profit margin of the pee pad market.

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Peeing yourself gets old fast

For many people with vaginas, urinary incontinence is just the tip of the iceberg. There are also pooping problems. Painful sex. Prolapse. And plenty more. Sorry guys. You probably just got uncomfortable.?

Scientists have done lots of research to show that?peeing yourself (urinary incontinence) significantly reduces women’s quality of life . It reduces the quality of life for men too. Shame, anxiety, and fear about smelling bad lead to women & men pulling away from group events and having a social life. Peeing yourself can lead to a slow, steady loss of community, and?community is vital to mental wellness . It makes sense that women with urinary incontinence are more likely to have depression and anxiety. Plus, 50%–68% of women with incontinence suffer from sexual dysfunction, like pain with sex. These are all issues that can be treated by addressing the pelvic floor.?

We shouldn’t be normalizing pelvic floor problems. We should be normalizing pelvic floor conversations before discussing the surgical intervention years after the problem starts. Pelvic floor issues such as peeing yourself and painful sex can also be treated without surgery, especially if you know where to go.?Psst. It is a women’s health Physical Therapist. Before I give you recommendations, let’s talk about the pelvic floor to understand how conservative treatment could make a difference.

What the heck is a pelvic floor?

The short of it is MUSCLES??. Your pelvic floor is a group of muscles that attach to your pelvis—the ring of bones where you usually put your hands when you need to take a deep breath so you don’t yell at your children who have just made very questionable life choices. The muscles attached to the pelvis bone support your bladder, rectum, and reproductive organs. They also help control peeing, pooping, sex, and childbirth. If your pelvic floor isn’t cooperating, you’re likely experiencing painful or embarrassing symptoms.?

Many people don’t know the pelvic floor is a group of muscles or that the muscles are found in three ?different layers, like a fancy cake. Each layer has a different function and controls different things if you have man or woman privates. Yep, guys have a pelvic floor too, AND you ??benefit from strengthening it. Think of it as strengthening your extreme lower abs??.??

How to Get a Killer Pelvic Floor

We have Dr. Arnold Kegel to thank for the well know pelvic floor strengthening exercise. In 1948, he came up with the famous “Kegel” exercise. He was a gynecologist looking for a non-surgical way for women to help “tone” the pelvic floor muscles so they didn’t pee themselves so much. However, Kegels are not the only thing and maybe not the best thing we can do to strengthen our pelvic floor. It has been a few years since 1948, and we have found out a bit more about pretty much everything since then. We hadn’t even reached the moon by 1948, and none of the Kardashians were EVEN BORN.?

Kegels have become the blanket approach for EVERYONE who reported any bladder, bowel, or pelvic dysfunction. Pain with sex? Kegel. Leaking urine? Kegel. Having increased urge and going to the bathroom all the time? Kegel. Back pain? Kegel. Pregnant? Kegel, FOR SURE. Kegels are good for some but not for everyone in every situation. Just like a medical provider does not (hopefully) prescribe the same medication for a headache as a stomach ache, Kegels might not be what you need depending on what is going on with your nether regions.?

The other problem with someone telling you to “just do Kegals” is that sometimes people don't actually know how to do a Kegal.?Studies had found that 30% of women ?tighten different muscles instead of their pelvic floor when asked to Kegal. Another issue with prescribing Kegals is that some women have pain because their pelvic floor is too tight, NOT weak, and needs to be stretched instead of strengthened.

The Heart of the Issue—I will make time for myself eventually.?

Yes, your regular medical provider could and should tell you about better care for your down there. But the real issue is you need to take the time to do the things that will help you to stop peeing yourself or avoiding sex because it hurts. For each of us to live full and fulfilling lives, we have to prioritize our health and wellness just as much as getting Johnny to the best pitching coach or Ingrid to her robotics club.

You are worthy of your own time. You will not be able to improve yourself without focused time FOR yourself. Healthy self-care, i.e., time to care for yourself, is the key to physical and emotional thriving. Most women forget or don’t see that they must value themselves just as much as their family and more than their work or housework.?

Often, we ignore ourselves because we are doing things, stuff, or activities for our kids, spouse, pets, work, or the house. And yet we are still drowning at the end of the day with a mental list a mile long and the laundry basket sitting in the corner judging us for not folding it. Leaving ourselves out of the to-do didn’t change how much we got done. We sacrifice for those we love. We make ourselves less and give to others more so they can thrive. But, let’s face it, we will NEVER take the time for ourselves unless we value who we are now and who we will be in the future.?

I don’t see the gym overflowing with women and men who are now empty nesters. TONS of their time should have just been freed up, so they should be hitting all aspects of self-care hard, but where are they? They are busy with something else. Learning to take time for yourself needs to happen when you ‘don’t have the time’ for yourself. There will always be something more important. Always.?

The Crux

You should not be okay with living silently with issues peeing, pooping or having pleasurable sex because of pelvic floor weakness or pain. There is a whole group of women’s health Physical Therapists who got tons of extra and expensive training just to help you AFTER they get their doctorate. They care that much.

There is a great program I have used at home to maintain my pelvic floor strength ?because, yes, it can get weak, just like any other muscle in the body. It is put out by a great women’s health PT who is based out of New Orleans, Louisiana. Her name is Dr. Sara Reardon. She has online exercises that you can access for strengthening, stretching, and pregnancy/postpartum for less than $30 per month, and you can do just one month instead of paying for a year. It is worth every penny and then some.

I hope that any of you who are experiencing any of these issues will sit down and figure out the time to prioritize yourself—one minute a day counts. No guilt for not doing it before. Just the belief that you can start making little bits of time for yourself now. When you start making the time you will be able to laugh uncontrollably without crossing your legs or maybe even jump on a trampoline with your kids. Tell a friend because friends don’t let friends pee their pants. Join me in the fight to cut into the pee pad profit margins. It will take a lot of sharing, but I think your mouse and fingers are up for it.

DIG (Get Deliberate, Get Inspired, Get Going) Deep Action Steps:?

Get Deliberate??: You don’t need 20 minutes to exercise your pelvic floor. But you do need a few minutes here and there. I find it easiest to fit small stuff into natural gaps I have during the day, like when I am waiting for my kids to get out of the bathtub. I can’t do anything productive during that time, but I can do a few short exercises. Don’t know what exercises? Don’t know if you are doing the exercises correctly? Google women’s health physical therapy near me. When you call to make an appointment make sure they have done level one, and level two certifications OR have a women's health/pelvic specialist board certification. That just means they are super serious about helping your nether regions.

Get Inspired??: You are your own inspiration this week. Think of how great it will feel to be the woman that can do jumping jacks whenever she wants and doesn’t rely on pads now or in the future.

Get Going?: Check out?Dr. Sara Reardon , the women’s health physical therapist, on Instagram. She has some short exercises and great information.