It's Complicated: 2 Jens 2 Sons

I recently saw a post from a friend of mine that said for the last 45 days the most complicated question he gets is: How are you doing?

Living in Israel during a time of War which followed the worst day of calamity since the Holocaust is very hard emotionally.? On the one hand we’re dealing with the pain and suffering of those still held captive and the anxiousness we feel over the safety of our soldiers. On the other hand we’re seeing what the nation of Israel is truly about, where a surge of unity and spirit of volunteering is too hard to believe without seeing it yourself. My wife and I joke that every time there is a post on a whatsapp chat saying volunteers are needed desperately, we leave right away but by? the time we show up there is literally no room for any more volunteers. Additionally we have tremendous pride in the Army and the soldiers who are defending and protecting our homeland with incredible sacrifice and bravery.

But it’s not just on a national level that it’s complicated.?

I grew up with 2 girls named Jen.? Jen A. is younger than me and was good friends with my younger sister,? they were classmates in grade school. ? We got back in touch when she moved to Israel and? volunteered at an amazing non-profit where my daughter worked. Our connection also deepened as I became friends with her husband who sits (literally) behind me in our daily Talmud class.?

Jen W. (now T.)? and I became friends in high school and stayed in touch over the years. Her husband and I became friends as he was an investor in a few of the companies I worked at. After they moved to Israel, we had dinners together, shared family events etc.?

3 weeks ago, we dropped off care packages to both Jens’ who have kids serving in the Army. Jen A. told me she was so touched that she paid it forward and brought flowers for Shabbat to the families in her community who had kids serving.? Jen W. was struggling with the decision of whether to go through with the wedding of her oldest son as she wasn’t sure it was appropriate to have a wedding during these times and was concerned that her sons who were serving wouldn’t be able to attend.

Both Jens’ named their oldest sons’ Binyanim, a coincidence which? I just thought about today.

10 days ago, we received absolutely devastating news that Jen A’s son Binyamin was killed in Gaza, bravely storming a Hamas position as the first soldier through the door when he was killed.? My entire family and our entire community was shattered by the news. We spent 2+ hours in the pouring rain and cold at his funeral with thousands of other people who just wanted to show our love and respect for Binyamin and his family.? The strength and faith from Jen and her family is unbelievably incredible and I still can’t fathom how they are able to be so strong.? Her loss was all of Israel's loss and utterly devastating.

2 days ago Jen W’s Binyamin got married. Jen and her family decided that despite the terrible situation we are in, much like life the wedding must go on.? Thankfully all her sons were able to attend the wedding and there was a palpable joy I’ve never seen before. Everyone who attended needed a joyous event to share in together to help balance all the tragedy and worry we’ve been experiencing.? It was a super emotional but cathartic night celebrating a new couple starting their lives together and watching the continuation of our people.?

2 Jens 2 Binyamins, terrible tragedy on one side, incredible joy on the other. How does one reconcile this?? This is what we are struggling with on a daily basis , the worry, the pain , the anguish but also seeing the beauty in life, the unity of our nation, the countless selfless acts of our civilians and soldiers who are protecting our homeland.

Personally, I’m inspired by the Jens. Jen A’s incredible belief and strength. Her family’s mission to memorialize Binyanim’s life through commitments to good deeds and learning.? And the sensitivity that Jen W and her family exhibited during the wedding , with special prayers for our soldiers and captives and recognizing friends who were lost in battle that couldn't be at the wedding. Her and her family inspiring all of us that we must continue to live our lives to the fullest in order for us to truly be victorious over our vicious enemies.

So I think the answer to how I’m doing is more clear. Thank G-d we’re doing OK , holding tightly ? to? the strength, faith, compassion and inspiration that I see in my 2? friends, Jen . Am Yisroel Chai!