It's an average Thursday night, where incredible things happen.

It's an average Thursday night, where incredible things happen.

The night I decided to play Russian Roulette>

Last night at Dad La Soul, we had a couple of things going on.

First up, we had Jim, ?straight out of Ilkley, Yorkshire, presented a live stream with the gals from The Just Don’t Eff Em Up , our US sisters out of Minnesota.

They went deep into the fundamental divide that their country is in with fears of the potential threats to women's rights, people of colour and sustainability in the upcoming elections.

You can watch the recap here.>


Then, over in Brighton, we held our regular dads- meetup.

I say regular, but there was nothing regular about it.?

I’d had a few fears that doing an event on Halloween would affect the numbers, as lots of lads would be out trick-or-treating with their kids.?

But then they could also turn up a bit later, and some dads had older kids or those that don't have their kids full-time, so we need to show up.??

Then.?

At lunchtime yesterday, I had a call from the expert speaker we had booked to say she wouldn't be able to make it ( for a very, very understandable reason), so I was like,” Oh bugger, what do I do?” -?

But as any event organiser will tell you, you need to think on your feet.?

I thought I’d open the floor and ask some lads to talk to us.?

But I never saw what happened next; it floored me.?

Sam Zindel shared his story on sustainability, his work on Sussex Bay, and his inspiring plans for the next generation.

This was exceptionally excellent; if anyone knows how to break the rules, Propellernet does, as it actively encourages its staff to do projects like The Red Stars, which led them to take over festivals like Blue Dot and Glastonbury. You will know that this is nothing ordinary.?

I then asked Shivankit Kumar to tell us what it was like moving from India. -?

I’d met Shiv a few months ago after I did a talk at the Big Business Breakfast Club - BBBC meeting; he came up to me and said

“I don't have kids, but I’d really like to make some friends. Can I come along?”?

The simple answer is F”ck yes, of course you can.

Making friends as a middle-aged man can be challenging, but doing it in a new country, with English as a second language, and understanding all the weird cultural differences we do is, well, that's another level of a hill to climb.?

But Shiv has done this for the last few months.?

He told us it was Diwali (not just Halloween) and what it meant—lots of light, prayers, and drinking.?

He also told us how the heavens moved after his dad passed away, leading him to move to the UK.?

He then let slip that he wanted to move away from pursuing his tech start-up to follow his real passion and launch into creating an authentic Indian food pop-up.?

This on its own is a bloody stupid thing to say to a group of hungry men.?

In my world, this swiftly translates to,

“ Shiv, you know next month you are running a taster session for us, right?”

So now that is happening.

As the evening continued, I decided to “ pick on” some of the new boys.?

Now, I know exactly how it sounds.?

I realise that coming into a new space with a bunch of strangers and then having some cap-wearing idiot like me put them on the spot and get them to speak up sounds like something you would typically report to HR.?

But, had I asked them in advance, most people would have said no, as the fear of public speaking is that tangible.?

If you are a regular reader of this newsletter, you might remember me telling you about the time I nearly reenacted the scene from Eminem's film “8 Mile” where, a few years ago, I actually choked on stage.?

You can read it here if you missed it > https://www.dhirubhai.net/feed/update/urn:li:ugcPost:7188914591005913089/

But back to the story at hand.?

I soon realised that springing it on them in the moment could have remarkable results—it's a bit like Russian roulette but with fewer bullets and mess.?

I shone the light on a friend of Charlotte Albrecht one of our partners at the Early Birth Association and asked him how he got involved.?

He shared that about seventeen years ago, his child arrived extremely prematurely and that there was no support for dads in his situation.

How none of his mates at the time asked about it because like people clumsily approach conversations about grief - we are so scared of upsetting or getting it wrong that we tend to shy away from the topic.

But this means it never gets spoken about, and those men who are struggling keep it buttoned up.?

When will we ever learn, eh?

I then “picked on” another very handsome new lad - I discovered he had travelled down from London, especially for us.?

I know that DLS events are pretty kick-ass; that's a given.?

But travelling down an hour and a half each way by train is a little wow?

He nervously shared one of the incredibly sad stories I have heard, which left us all in awe.?

It was evident that he wanted and needed to get it off his chest.

Had I not picked on him, would he have spoken about it??

possibly,?

Maybe in passing, depending on the conversation he was having at the time, it somehow cropped up.?

If it hadn't picked on him, I am not sure he would have had the time, space, or courage to discuss it deeply.?

So you know what I am really bloody glad I did pick on him.

He said he had looked for support in London that fit, and it didn't exist.?

Thankfully, he met my homie Chris Stein at one of the Future Men excellent courses they run, who told him about Dad La Soul, so that's how he ended up on our doorstep on a cold October night.

This shows.

Our Trojan Horse approach to men's mental health works - categorically.??

If I said,

?“Hey, middle-aged men, come over here and talk to a bunch of strangers about some really shitty situations.”

The answer for most would be a resounding

“ No, thanks, Dan, that sounds like a fucking terrible idea!” -

Don't get me wrong, group therapy works; I know that.?

But many men aren't ready for that, so having a range of other activities, like VR, free beer board games, and decent tunes on the jukebox, makes for a much more accessible entry point.?

Before you know it, they’re relaxed and laughing, and real conversations flow.

By the night's end, they’ve often shared things they’d never thought to bring up.

But the challenge is bringing this model to more towns so people don’t have to trek three hours for this space and to get picked on.

The learnings?

Fuck it; with events, things are never going to go smoothly.?- Roll with it and still show up.

Random conversations with strangers can end up changing your life.

Picking on new kids isn't always bad; they need to open up if it kicks them up the bum.

If you meet Shiv, tap him up for some fantastic grub.

And that I need to put Chris Stein , Charlotte Albrecht and Rose Rowkins on retainers because they keep sending us magnificent lads.?

Remember, do the right thing.

Help Us Keep the Momentum Going

Tell them about DadLaSoul-

If you know a dad, an organisation, or a community that could benefit from our events.

We’re changing the conversation around men’s mental health, and we need you in our corner.

Because when dads talk, lives change.







Rose Rowkins

Straight-talking heart-led Suicide Prevention trainer since 2015 ?? Multi-award-winning Project Lead ?? Counsellor ?? Mum ?? Courageous conversations that matter guided by compassion, clarity, connection & collaboration.

3 周

You got it Dan, I'm always sending guys your way! Recommended your groups to another Dad pal in Worthing (who recently lost his wife)- I imagine he'll be turning up soon ????

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Amjad Nazir

Head of Health, Safety and Security at South East Coast Ambulance Service NHS Foundation Trust

4 周

Great evening

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Jim Jensen

Founder & Non-Exec Director at Propellernet & CoverageBook

4 周

Wow wow wow. This is what Dad La Soul is all about - right there. Did you blow the bloody doors off the venue as you walked out?!!!

Wayne Lawrence DipPFS

Freelance Diploma Qualified Paraplanner for St. James's Place Wealth Management

4 周

Thanks Dan Flanagan FRSA for the Russian Roulette and firing the shot! Looking forward to the next one.

Matt Nixon CEng MIMechE (he/him)

Project Manager | Technology Innovation | Carbon Reduction

4 周

Wow Dan Flanagan FRSA - well done on what sounds like a very powerful evening! Great to hear that what started as a casual meet up in a pub has now evolved into something even more meaningful and valuable, whilst still being accessible! ??

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