It's Aloha Friday - A Week's Wrap Up and my Mind-cleaning Ritual

Weekly Cleaning

It’s Aloha Friday! And 5pm Somewhere… are you ready for the weekend?

The world is full of angst and BIG emotions. There is so much suffering and overwhelming things happening all around us – we canNot ignore, Overcome or push through All of it. The situation is global. It is personal. It is unfathomable. And yet, we must choose to be Present for all of it.

For me, this week has involved breakdowns, chaotic worrying, moments of brilliant joy and ultimately pearls of Peace. I used to consider happiness those moments of Perfection – you know, when you stood looking at a sunset, hearing music playing and knew that it ‘does not get better than this’. With enough Pearls (moments) of Perfection, you could count yourself having a Happy Life. 

Those moments happened this week when a few factors were present: (1) I stopped to look inside (2) something/someone remarkable was there (3) I chose to celebrate. Each time I noticed it, I tried to note it, and at the end of the week I look at my journal and see that it was an Extraordinary week. 

Now, I am not ignoring the atrocities and tragedies that are present. One of my deepest moments of peace came after I was accused of a ‘micro-aggression’ when I tried to use language that was connecting and was instead painful for someone else. Although she was brave enough to tell me that I hurt her with my choice of word (indigenous), and although we came to the place of a virtual ‘hug’ and restored harmony… it was a moment of transformation for me, that left me more peaceful after. I was upset at first, because I was trying to find the right word… knowing that people are sensitive… and understanding that #IwillneverunderstandAndichoosetostand for equality in all forms. I felt attacked for my attempt at support (This is happening in many places/spaces). But, in the experience, I had to confront my own privileged upbringing, the history of oppression and the systemic placement of my privilege in direct impact on racial discrimination. That I had, in silence, been complicit. That it is not that #alllivesmatter, but that in America, #blacklivesmatter most in raising the yoke of slavery for us all. I found freedom in the acknowledgement of my own blindness, so I could move beyond and start to Learn, Grow and offer better support. Suddenly, I had more peace and compassion in me, and it settled my confusion, pain and frustration with the rioting, violence and the question of Why.

What can we do, on this Aloha Friday, to maintain peace and celebrate joy?

It starts with acceptance. Just as Jim Stockdale discusses in the book Good to Great with his story about Jim Stockdale and the “Stockdale Paradox”. In this section, Jim talks about how navy commander, James Stockdale – one of the longest held POWs of the Vietnam War – stated in an interview that he survived because he combined two qualities. It took not just his adamant faith that he would survive, but also the ability to see the grim reality of the situation. When asked who did not survive, he said, ‘That’s easy – it was the optimists… the ones who said that we would be out by Christmas. [when Christmas] came and went… they died of a broken heart.’ It takes Awareness – of the good and the bad. And then Choosing your perspective. I the moment, to not let go of the joy – in family, loved ones, the beauty of nature, in your ability to be Here, now.

Another part of peace? Understanding the difference between Empathy and Compassion. The Mindfulness Summit is going on this week, and among other mindfulness dialogues, it is the second time I heard that Empathy is not where we want to be – it is Compassion that we need. In their discussions, one positioned for leaders by Rasmus Hougaard (citing the work of Yale psychologist Paul Bloom in his book Against Empathy) – the difference is that empathy puts you in the same emotions of those who suffer.. while compassion is a space of ‘consideration of how you can help’. So, Emotion vs Consideration of how to move into action. In seeing how my conflicting Emotions (supporting the intentions of protesting vs anger against the collateral damage and rioting) were stopping me from compassion and the consideration of how to help, I found a measure of peace.

And, then, I saw that Hawaiian Electric company offered #music6feetaway where Tavana and Paula Fuga sang songs of power and connection that reminded me of home and joyful times. It was so touching that companies like Hawaiian Electric were supporting local artists who are suffering income with no large gatherings. It was so powerful to hear the music of Aloha and Home, livestreamed. And it reminded me that we need to be Present, not in the past pain/future uncertainty or inside our heads at the sacrifice of the people, world and offerings of others that abound around us.

Finally, it’s the end of the week. A time where we can choose our ‘rest’ weekend activities, choose whether we have a mai tai or a pool break, and reflect on what we have learned, are grateful for, and will take away from the last 5-7 days. Only if we clean house each week – in our minds as well as in our physical space – do we make room for anything else. If we hoard our crap, the sewage system will back up, and a simple conversation can turn into a conflagration. A normal thought can become a black hole of despair… Or… not. I am using those ‘one line a day’ three year journals (that I found in a closet, unfinished) to document - in one sentence a day – that I want to keep as a legacy for my daughter when she is grown. I am following the lesson of Chip Conley, founder of Joie de Vivre Hospitality and Airbnb head of global hospitality & strategy, where he has written a journal every week – only listing his lessons learned and gratitudes for the week. And I am finding that at the end of the week, my Roller Coaster comes back to rest and I can get off, finishing a wild ride, ready for next week’s roller coaster, and able to remember not just the lows, but also the highs.

So, unpack your emotions, each week, keep the ‘essentials’ nicely folded and protected in your suitcase, and leave some openness and room for next week – to be filled with the lessons, gratitudes and moments that You Choose to keep.

Happy Aloha Friday, and I wish you a restful, rejuvenating and ohana-filled weekend.