It’s All About Your Perspective

Regardless of where you grow up, the teenage years can be tough. Age 13 was particularly difficult for me - I really struggled with an overwhelming sense of sadness. Whereas normally sadness could be associated with a new set of braces, acne popping up everywhere, or a really awkward haircut, the source of mine was very different. It bothered me a tremendous amount that I would only ever be able to see the world from my perspective, through my eyes, and never through anyone else’s.

Why on earth would that thought even pop into the head of a 13 year old?

Your guess is as good as mine!

I’ll never forget the first time it occurred to me. I was hanging out with a friend, talking about something that happened at school that day. While my friend was responding I recall trying to picture what he could be seeing through his eyes and what could be going through his mind. I realized that his view/perspective of those events could be completely different based on his prior life experience and that there was no way for me to truly know what was going on in his mind vs. what he was vocalizing. It was a bit overwhelming for a 13 year old to process! 

Eventually, I was able to identify methods to deal with that unchangeable reality and my sadness faded. Why would I mention this now, 30 years later?

Our workplace has put a lot of time and effort into a newly established DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) program over the last year. As part of that effort, there’s been regular training, some readings, and lots of group dialogue. 

I’ve always considered myself to be a thoughtful manager, giving everyone (regardless of their demographic, gender, or age) an equal voice on my teams. But one common thread came up over and over again in the training; regardless of how attentive you think you are as a manager, one thing you can never truly understand is someone’s perspective without serious focus and attention. 

That bubbled up all the concerns I had as a far-too-thoughtful 13 year old. As a leader, I owed it to myself and my teams to work as hard as possible to gain as much insight into every one of my team member’s perspective. 

So how can we better understand someone’s perspective?

• Ensure everyone has room to talk in conversations: Every team has introverts and extroverts. More times than not, the extroverts can take much of the team/project time and not provide room for others. It may feel unnatural, but ensure you’re engaging those that may be present but not contributing into the conversation. Let them know that you value their opinion and want to hear their perspective. Sometimes that will be just the push a team members needs to bring their voice forward. 
• Always actively listen: This is important not only regarding what is being said, but also the body language expressed. Too often team members can be given the opportunity to talk, but then the ‘leaders’ in the room aren’t entirely dialed in, at least not enough to pick up those ‘sometimes less than obvious’ physical queues. Fully engage in the dialogue among your team members, pay close attention to both what is and ISN’T being said. 
• Learn about your team members: This has been a common thread for me since becoming a manager 15+ years ago. I always make a point of breaking down the work/personal walls with team members. I can be a much better support system for any team member if I truly know where they came from, what makes them tick, and where they want to go in their career AND life. It won’t be the same as seeing life through their eyes, but it will provide visibility into factors that could shape that perspective. 
• Make work fun: This goes hand-in-hand with the prior point. Few things are universal across teammates regardless of their background. One exception is laughter and having fun as a team. Don’t be the leader that only talks about work or the team’s next deliverables. Bring the team out to lunch and ensure no one talks about work the entire time. If your team is remote take part in some trivia or a virtual ‘escape the room’. Laughter is nature’s tool for chipping away at the walls between us, use it!
• Never stop reading/learning: You simply don’t know what you don’t know. There are so many eye opening books out there, from Blindspot to Culture Map. Don’t just read, follow up by self-assessing with tools like the Implicit Association Test. Trust me, it will open your eyes. I truly believe many leaders have the best of intentions, but don’t necessarily have the required level of self-awareness to fully engage with all of their teammates. 

Unfortunately, regardless of the actions you take as a leader, you’ll never completely satisfy the concerns of that 13-year-old. But hopefully, by taking the steps listed above, you can get as close as humanly possible. 

Are there any other approaches/techniques you’ve used to ensure you are getting everyone’s honest perspective, regardless of demographic, age, and/or gender?