It's all in your head...

Really… it is all in your head. I say this not to gaslight you, but rather to help you reclaim your power ... you ready to see why I made this bold statement? Let’s go.

To illustrate this point, I want to share a little story with you.?

Not that long ago I was at a highly publicized event here in Austin with some friends that was pretty incredible to say the least.? I asked them what they were doing after and each of them had a different answer, some were going to this after party, some were going to this restaurant, it seemed that everyone had somewhere to be but me.?

One of my friends said that maybe she could get me into the party she was going to and I could “tag along.”???

To be honest, it felt a little weird but I went with it.??

Fast forward, we all got in and it was a scene.? We stayed for a little and then went home but the whole time after I just couldn’t shake the feeling that my friend was annoyed that I tagged along and was a “burden” to her.

So my little brain went on overdrive to find proof of this thought.??

She didn’t text me back after I apologized…

She didn’t repost my stories but reposted everyone else's…?

Etc. etc. etc…

Clearly she was mad and dare I say she didn’t want to be friends anymore (dramatic I know, my little noggin tends to catastrophize but that is a topic for a different day)

When I woke up the next day,? I realized the point of this whole newsletter.? IT WAS ALL IN MY HEAD!

I was making up a story about what xyz meant, and it was NOT an empowering story.?

So I did what any grown a** adult should do, I called her and chatted about it.?

And you know what I realized?

None of what I was saying to myself was true.? She hadn’t felt that way, seen my texts, or posts, and frankly was just trying to get her bearings after a whirlwind weekend.?

You see, in that moment I forgot 2 of the most important agreements (from the 4 Agreements , and if you haven’t read it I HIGHLY recommend you do!) to not take anything personally and to not make assumptions.?

So back to my initially triggering statement: it is all in your head.?

Our brains are meaning-making machines.??

And sometimes it wields that power for good (aka empowering thoughts and beliefs) and sometimes it wields it for what I call sabotage (aka disempowering thoughts and beliefs).?

But here is where I can give you back your power.?

In each moment we have a choice of how we respond and give meaning to the information given.

If we are to assume, then we can assume positive intent rather than the worst.?

But so often our brains are just running on autopilot and we end up going down the mine without even realizing it, like I did in my story.?

You see we have this amazing part of our brain called the posterior medial prefrontal cortex (pMFC) which plays the leading role in confirmation bias which our brain is a gold medalist at.?

Said in a different way, whatever stories we feed our brain it is going to go out like a bloodhound on the scent and find things that align with that story and belief.?

Something as simple as pitbulls are dangerous versus pitbulls are great family dogs.??

If you go out and look for evidence on either side, you will find it.?

So with all that context where does that leave you and me?

The answer is simple. ?In the driver’s seat.?

If you take nothing away from this week's newsletter take this: the awareness that you are the author of your reality; the sweet and spicy, 3 pounds of meatloaf, between your ears is Robin to your Batman looking for whatever you focus on.?

Knowing that, then perhaps today, and for the rest of your time on this planet, you will be more mindful of the stories you make up in your head and stop them in their tracks when they are leading you down a dark alley to your demise.?

If you want a better team, look for evidence of where they are excelling.?

If you want a more successful business, look for evidence of where the economy is thriving

If you want more love in your relationship, look for the love.

In general, train your brain to be in an abundance mindset of looking for what is working rather than what isn’t.

What we focus on grows and persists, so find something to fixate on that will not only empower you but that which you want to grow!

Obviously shifting your thoughts isn’t enough, you gotta back it up with committed action but I guarantee the roller coaster of life will have far fewer ups and downs if you don’t take yourself out at the knees with your own inner devi-logue.

I will leave you with this.? This mental shift is part of a bigger philosophy of playing to win which I dove deep into with the redoubtable @Torey Wolford on our most recent episode of the Biz Doctor Podcast (available on all platforms)

Trust me, if you listen to only one of my podcast episodes, this will be the one that could very well change the trajectory of your life. I know when I learned about this it changed everything for the better for me!?

If you want to have more success and ease in your life, give it a listen: Are You Playing To Win? The Key to Massive Success In Life and In Business with Torey Wolford (EP 80)

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