It's All about You, Not Them

Self-conscious people can never be good dancers.

I recently took up dancing again, only to find that my body no longer moved with the ease it once did. My muscles, now accustomed to the straightforward actions of running, jumping, and squatting, seemed to resist the flexibility required for dance. But beneath that lay a much more frustrating reason: I had become too self-conscious.

In my dance class, there’s a girl with zero dance experience. Her first dance class coincided with my return to the studio. Her movements were awkward, her steps uncertain, and she often struggled to keep time with the music. Yet, her movements were the most intense. She exaggerated every motion, experimenting with different expressions and adapting to the rhythm. During breaks, she practiced alone, undeterred by the eyes of those around her. She focused solely on her reflection in the mirror, seemingly oblivious to the surrounding stares. I watched her with admiration.

When our classes ended and it was time for recording, she always stood at the front and gave it her all. Within a few sessions, she was already a better dancer than I was. Her movements became more spontaneous and in sync with the music.

I, on the other hand, refrained from practicing during breaks, fearing the scrutiny of others. I hesitated to full commit to my movements, afraid of appearing clumsy. My mind, preoccupied with remembering the steps, struggled to connect with the music. As I observed her, I realized that my fear of judgement extended beyond the dance floor, infiltrating other aspects of my life, including my work. Constantly preoccupied with the opinions of others, I found myself trapped in a cycle of overthinking and anticipation, which always ended up in anxiety and depression.

Dancing demands both focus and spontaneity. If your thoughts are constantly preoccupied with the opinions of others, it is impossible to perform well. You must learn to let go, immerse yourself in the music, and disregard external judgements. In truth, no one cares as much as you think they do. Even if they notice you, their attention will quickly shift back to something more important--themselves.

Yet, dance also requires a degree of self-awareness. You need to see yourself in the mirror, feel your body’s movements, clear your mind, and direct all your attention inward. This paradoxical balance—being unselfconscious while maintaining self-focus—is the key to dancing well.

In the end, it’s never about what others think. It’s about finding the freedom to express yourself without inhibition. Only then can you truly dance.