Its not all about you

Would it have been very different if I hadnt been there?        

All of last week I was in bed with a severe bout of typhoid. I dont know where or how I caught it, but it happened in the beginning of one of the most busy weeks in this quarter. We had booked people's times for months for our first quarter review - an important part of our work so we could assess whether we are in the right direction, what gaps we need to cover, are we spending properly and whether we have enough fund available to do what we need to do. The first quarter review sets the tone for the rest of the year. Teams had prepared very hard to bring the data and stories together and everyone was looking forward to the review. "Postpone the meeting, nothing will happen," said one dear colleague. "We can do this without you," said another, thankfully. "If I see you in another online meeting, I will mute you out," said another, half seriously. Frankly, I wasn't even laughing, because I didnt have the strength to. And I remembered, a few months back in March, I had fallen ill with a stomach bug a couple of days before the annual board meeting. Same reactions from the team, some of whom were physically present at the site (we always have our March board meetings in the community) to manage it all. I did manage to travel to the board meeting in the end, but would it have been very different if I had not been there?

Leaders are not always needed.        

As leaders we tend to place enormous importance on ourselves. In the end, I delegated most of the enabling functions review to our COO, and sat through some of the programmatic reviews myself. And we had a good review. Do I have all the information I needed to have in order to make any informed decision currently? Maybe not. Do I have enough? I think I do. And for what I dont have I can always ask someone. Here are some of my learnings from the situation last week:

Here's what I learnt        

I needed to let everyone know I am having a personal crisis early in the day. I think that prepared everyone and they knew what to do. I needed to trust the team to do the right thing and delegate. I think I was reasonable in not cancelling the reviews altogether - people had prepared for it and their time was important. And when I felt bad, I could excuse myself from the meeting without thinking what the rest of the team will feel about it. I think that's the advantage of working in the development sector and in a feminist organisation. We are not scared to show our vulnerability openly. So yes, let's not burden ourselves with our own importance, most of which is in our head, most of the times. And lets learn to (note to myself) let go! In the team we trust!