It’s 2019. Please, let us not MAN UP!

Man Up!

Why are you crying like a girl?

Be a man!

 If you were raised like I was, these are words that featured heavily in your childhood. Men are not supposed to cry! They are supposed to take things bravely, like a man!

Well, it is now 2019, and on this occasion of International Men’s Day I am writing to ask, beg, beseech, plead with all of us, that these words must be completely erased from our conversations.

 Why?

 Because in my opinion, ‘Man Up’ is a phrase that consists of two of the most dangerous words ever uttered. By using these words, we are letting our young men grow without the magic of being vulnerable. And the result is that we have many men walking around showing all the signs of being macho against all odds, because they don’t want to show that they are hurt, because being vulnerable is a sign of weakness.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines 'man up' as to 'be brave or tough enough to deal with an unpleasant situation'. And that is the exact problem with the two words - they do not give any allowance for vulnerability.  'Man Up!' is something I try hard not to tell my son. Because I want him to know that it is okay to cry – it is not unmanly, whatever that is, to show emotion.

It is a phrase that should disappear from the vocabulary. Rightfully so - the BBC reported recently that British Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt was criticised for using the same words against rival Boris Johnson, with critics accusing him of being "archaic" and "damaging" to young boys and girls ( https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-48743113).

 Yes, men face intense societal pressure – they are expected to be financially secure, be successful, emotionally, mentally and physically strong, but our ideology of masculinity is so flawed that we are not able to face ‘failure’.

While our lady friends find comfort in each other, sharing their problems and solving them together, men cannot dare talk about what they are going through in their personal, professional family, health and relationship aspects lest they appear weak. Instead, they look for other coping mechanisms. And the result, in my opinion, is the increasingly reported cases of men choosing the violent path – the media is awash with stories of increased gender-based violence, familicides and suicides.

 It is 2019. Let us tell our young ones to be vulnerable. To seek help. And to cry if they need to cry. Let us not bring up men who have a lot of bottled up emotions and worse, rage.

On International Men’s Day, let us seek out our friends who may be hurting. Let us be open to talk about our own problems. Attend forums like the popular Man Enough Program, which aims to build a community of vulnerable men. If you need professional help, seek it. Mental Health should be a discussion point across all companies.

 This International Men’s Day let us share that a problem shared is a problem halved.

That is the only ‘Man-ing up’ I am doing.

 #InternationalMensDay