Its 11:00 pm.

As you lie there looking at the clock you can't help but wonder if tomorrow is going to be different from today. Your body is exhausted, yet your mind won't let you fall asleep. There's a gnawing feeling in your gut that won't go away and you don't want to talk about it with anyone because you're sure they'd judge you as ungrateful.

You're laying on your expensive bed. You're sleeping next to your life partner and best friend. You have your own steam shower in the bathroom next to you for God's sake. Your house is all you ever dreamed of and in the garage is that BMW that screams, "I've made it."

Yet that feeling. It won't go away. Your mind, racing. Your heart rate elevated enough to constantly feel like you're just one beat away from a full-fledged panic attack. "If I have all of these things of success, why do I still wonder if there's more? Or what is next? If there's only one or two many steps in the org chart higher than me, why do I still yearn to be promoted? Why does work not seem as exciting as it used to? Why do I detest it when people tell me I should must be content with what I have?"

You lay there asking yourself these questions with no answers. Hoping that your mind will just shut off and you can wake up tomorrow and all of the questions will either be answered or will just evaporate. But this has gone on too long, and you know that it's just not going to happen.... these questions will resurface despite your efforts to busy them away.

"Why do I feel like I'm the only one who's ever dealt with this? Do I need to talk to a shrink? Get my head straight? But I'm not sure this is a mental thing. It feels more "spiritual" if I were totally honest. I just feel different than I used to." You've tried exercising more. You've tried exercising less. You've tried working harder. You've tried an expensive vacation. You've tried turning your phone off on weekends. You even drink more than you'd like to admit just to take the edge off a little. Just to relax. After all you deserve it right. You work hard. You provide for your family. You give them a lifestyle you never had growing up. You provide stability to them in an otherwise volatile world. Others regard you as the model spouse. Others comment how dependable, kind and loving you are.

But on the inside you find yourself shrinking. "I never dreamed of being dependable, kind and loving" while growing up. I dreamed of being rugged, creative, courageous and even dangerous." And suddenly you find yourself craving adventure. "Skydiving... that's what will help me feel alive again. Or maybe driving a Harley across the country. Or maybe trout fishing in the mountains." But then you realize you've never actually done any of those things.... and have zero competency in them.

Now the clock reads 11:59 pm. Right before Midnight. The dawn of a new day. And for some of you, 11:59 represents the dawn of a new era in your life.

11:59 is Your awakening

You see, you are not weird or alone. You're simply still developing. We tend to think of development as a "childhood thing." We can see children growing and developing nearly before our eyes. One day they believe in Santa and the next day they seemingly think the whole thing is absurd... the magic gone forever. And we rue the loss of innocence but simultaneously celebrate the independence it brings. And yet we as adults seem to think that once we stop growing our psyche will also stop developing. We trick ourselves into believing that we are grown up now. And others try to encourage us with their aches and pains of getting older and rueing the loss of their own freetime and peace of mind. We convince ourselves the thing we've always wanted is what we will ALWAYS want and if we just get it, we will feel satisfied. The job. The promotion.The money.... the things.

We don't allow ourselves to continue to mature our psyche until one day when it awakens within us and demands our attention. These are the 11:00 pangs that have disrupted your rest and your peace for the last several months.

Adolescence to Early Adulthood

As an adolescent you thought you could rebel against any authority. You tried a new hair color - punk pink. You tried a new wardrobe - maybe parachute pants. You got a tattoo just because you knew it would drive your mom crazy. But that didn't really help you get ahead. So as a young adult you entered a period of time in your life when you recognized that there were certain power structures in the world and you adapted to using them to your advantage. Go to a good school. Get good grades. Get a good job. Work hard. Get a promotion. Repeat over and over. Some of you chose to refine your strengths in building relationships to move ahead, while some of you chose to rely on your intellect to be faster or smarter than the crowd, and others of you used your prowess in "Getting SH$T done" to out produce the competition. These gifts served you well and as long as you lived in them and played by the rules of the game you moved ahead. Until one day....

You started questioning the rules. You started wishing others would "understand you better." But there was also fear. Unlike your adolescence where you rebelled without consequence, the pre-frontal cortex is now functioning. You realize there are consequence for your rebellion. Those of you see "relationships as your superpower" resist stepping outside of anything that could disrupt the relationships because you fear being alone. Those of you who've relied on intellect this long, hesitate to admit you don't know the answer for fear of losing your reputation as the "smart" one. Those of you who could plan and control yourself out of any sitution are frightened by the prospect that there is no plan and you feel out of control of your own life - let alone being in charge of others. So instead, you isolate. You decide to retreat inside of yourself to figure this out. You don't want anyone to see you this way. Sure you may look like you have it all together on the outside, but on the inside you feel like the part of you you could count on the most is slowly falling apart... breaking into destabilizing fragments until you wonder, "Who am I anymore?"

But the voices. The inner rebellion creeps in. You felt the need to make your opinions known, but when you did you got labelled as being cynical or "not a team player." The role you had at work - no matter how high in the org chart - seems a bit too small, or maybe a bit too daunting. Either way, you feel you're ready for a change.

Mid-Life and Beyond

What is happening is you're ready for the next developmental milestone but yet you thought you were done "growing up" and this was just the way adulthood felt. But there is more growing and developing to do.... and a lot more at that.

This next step seems so frightening that many of you won't come. Many of you will choose comfort over courage. After all it took you this long to understand the rules and play by them, why would you leave this comfortable state of being?Perhaps because you know its growing less and less comfortable by the minute. So you have to decide. Stay here, or plunge forth into the unknown. Step through the portal to a whole new level of development for you personally.

For those of you who choose to, here's what lies on the other side of this portal. You realize you've been stifling the real you too long in an order to fit into the rules and power structures around you, You've been reacting to the situations around you and therefore you've not taken responsibility for your decisions and haven't felt very 'in charge' of your own life. Now you're ready to find your unique place in this world. The thing that only you can do. This is when you use the talents and skills - those which up to this point have made you feel weird or different - and use them better than anyone. These - as it turns out - are your unique gift to this world - but they are shadow gifts at this point because you've been honing the skills that help you fit in.... not those that help you stand out. Now it's time for you to take responsibility for those gifts and the myriad of life experiences you've amassed at this point, and you realize there's only one you and you've only been put on this earth for a short time so you'd better get busy. A new spark emerges. A new vision begins to form. And a new identity (the way you see yourself) starts to emerge. No more are you "Mr. Nice-guy" but rather someone who has stronger boundaries, a greater sense of self, and can live in the creative space of self-authoring your future.

You see, we were meant to take responsibility for our gifts and talents. We were meant to create that which only we can create. But we are all meant to create. We weren't meant to react. We weren't meant to exist to play to someone else rules. We were meant to bring our voice to the world and help this world become a more human experience for all. When you do this, you're actually living. You're creating. You're alive. Fully alive.

And at 11:00 pm, you'll be fast asleep knowing that tomorrow is another day for you to do what you do best, in the way that only you can do!

Sweet dreams leaders. Sweet Sweet Sweet dreams.