Issue 4: Naturally Confident
Manuela Kytir
Certified Transformative Coach | Maturation Coach in Training | I Help People Regain Their Power | Conscious Leadership | Redefining What it Means to Be a Human Being | Let's Create a World that Works
What within you wants to (re)emerge?
When I was young, perhaps 12 or 13, I had invited some school friends over for my birthday party. I had a whole schedule of activities planned for them and then guided them through them all as the day went on. All I remember from that day, though, is what my mom said to me afterwards. She felt “I had controlled everyone and that I should have just let them play the way they wanted to”.
See, my mom loves freedom and creative flow, and she hates being confined and told what to do. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand these natural differences at the time and so I took her ‘feedback’ as there was something wrong with me. I felt ashamed and so started suppressing this part of me.?
Even as an adult, I had been so afraid of being perceived as controlling or commanding that I would rather starve my innate capacity to facilitate and lead.??
Turns out I am an excellent facilitator with a passion for enabling deep connections between people beyond the superficial ‘must look good’ so that together they can move forward on what really matters.?
What within you wants to (re)emerge??
Do you feel an inner conflict? Do you feel you are holding back? Do you feel you are not living to your full potential? I felt like that for years!?
In fact, many of us have lost connection to their innate gifts and capabilities due to various reasons. But we are not our authentic self without them!
So what within YOU wants to (re)emerge? Don't have an immediate answer? Great! I am inviting you to sit with this question for a while. Don’t ‘solve it’ but be ‘in an inquiry’ about it. Write it down somewhere and then put it aside. Let your subconscious ponder on this one. It will lead you to new insights and information that will ultimately help you uncover and experience your personal answer to it.?
I Can't Meditate! ?
They are many who claim meditation is not for them. Maybe.
I'd like to try to inspire you by sharing my own story into meditation...
If there is one thing I learned over the past few months, it’s that there are two fundamental modes for our body that enable us to rebalance and get back to a sense of self: MOVEMENT & STILLNESS.?
When we sit behind our desks doing mind-based work, we achieve neither!?
Two years ago, I made it my intention to meditate on a daily basis, for all the reasons that are out there about the power and benefits of meditation. And to help me reach a sense of balance. I really wanted to meditate, even if it’s just for 5 minutes.?
But I couldn’t. I would sit down and my mind would go ratta, ratta, rattada (that’s what my mind sounds like ??) … or I would already feel incredibly restless before I even sat down on my usual meditation spot.?
Know the struggle?
Luckily, I am now pretty close to meditating twice a day, 10-15mins in the morning and 30-60mins in the evening. No, I am not there yet! On some days, I don’t manage to sit down at all. On others, I fall into bed first. But there is progress and that’s what counts.?
Anyway, I wanted to share with you what I learned about the two fundamental modes of our body to achieve balance and a sense of self: ?
1. Movement / Flow
Our body needs movement so that energy can flow through it. A lack of movement creates blocked or stuck energy, which we may even feel in our bodies in the form of muscle tension, joint stiffness, headache, stomach pain etc.?
So, when we are having a hard time sitting in stillness, it’s because our body is calling for movement. What kind of movement, you ask??
The cleansing kind. One that helps move and unblock energy. The best way to achieve this kind of movement is letting your body move the way it wants to, the way it feels good to you. So, it could be a gentle dance, gentle stretching, gentle twists and turns on the floor, somatic body shaking, all in combination with deep and frequent breaths. And yes, it may evolve sound, such as a deep sigh, a form of emotional release, maybe even a good cry or an angry scream. Go ahead. Let it out! Let it flow!?
2. Stillness
Once we have unblocked any stuck energy, it should then be relatively easy to achieve sitting or lying in stillness. But don’t be mistaken. Whilst your body doesn’t move, energy keeps flowing around and through you.?
In stillness, we can reconnect to our body, our energy field and SELF, whilst our mind can observe and comment on the experience with curiosity. You may feel nothing at the beginning, and that’s ok. Sitting in stillness tends to help us calm our mind by letting our mind sort through our thoughts and integrate new insights.?
Over time, our focus shifts away from our thoughts to our body. We can check in with our body and look for sensations without judgement. With practice, these sensations will likely become stronger. After all, your body is made up of an estimated 40 trillion cells, and all of them are alive and are vibrating in the same way an atom does. You will learn to feel energy flowing through your body and how to influence the flow to your benefit.?
And finally, you may start to tap into your own unique vibration, an energy field that is outside of you and yet totally connected to you.
Oh hello, higher self! ?? Nice to meet you.
In the west we talk about meditation as a mindfulness practice, which is a bit of a misnomer since it is about so much more than just the mind. To me, meditation is an energy practice sometimes guided by our mind.?
Both modes of Movement & Stillness are incredibly rebalancing, and healing.?
Both have helped me empower myself and (re)connect with a sense of self. ?
Naturally confident??
Is it just me or are we getting bombarded with messages like?
As you are reading these, are you feeling empowered, or are you going ¨urghhh¨??
I have likely voiced some of these messages myself.?AND, I know how demanding and out-of-touch they can feel when that's not the space you are in right now.
I do not believe we can be more confident by just focusing on confidence. Nor can we easily forgive by just focusing on forgiveness.?I'll elaborate ...
I have come to believe that confidence, gratitude, forgiveness, positivity, passion etc. are higher vibrating emotions or states of being that would come natural to us IF there wasn’t something in the way of us feeling them. A bit like a dam blocking the natural flow of a river.?
领英推荐
When you look at toddlers, aren’t they the most confident, passionate, self-expressed, positive, unconditionally loving little human beings? And then what happened??
Life happened, and our own unique experience of it.
So, what I am saying is, rather than focusing on being positive, grateful, courageous etc. it would be more helpful to focus on what is in the way, on what is blocking us from naturally being this way.
At some point in the past, something happened. We may have experienced trauma, or we had a particular emotion, or were unable to express a particular emotion, or we formed a believe about yourself, others and the environment we are living in.
Trying to push through the dam before we are ready may actually re-traumatise and cause more damage.
But somehow, many are afraid of the 'shadow'. They are afraid of looking at their past, of revisiting past experiences. They are afraid of tapping into ‘negative’ feelings. They are afraid the dam might explode!?
It won’t. And it won’t kill them now if it hasn’t killed them then. ??
That said, a guiding hand can be very helpful, especially at the beginning. In my case, I have been supported by many group coaches and trained bodyworkers over the past years.?
Inner Child Work Can Be Fun! ?
One way of going back is what psychologists call Inner Child Work. Many of you will be familiar with with this term perhaps from your best friend, a book or your therapist.?
I’m here to tell you that inner child work can be fun!?
I recently reconnected with my inner child during a guided meditation. The meditation led me deep into mother earth into a forest-like opening where I would meet my inner child.?
A little girl appeared during my visualisation. I reckoned it was my inner 4-5 year old. It was the age when I had developed asthma and frequently experienced difficulty in breathing. It likely inhibited my ability to play, run, and express emotions.?
The little girl smiled at me, then took my hand and invited me to play. We started running around through the forest, laughing and squealing with joy.?
This wonderful inner child - a part of my subconscious - reminded me of the importance of PLAY. And at the same time, it brought healing to a part of my life where I couldn’t express myself fully due to life circumstances. ??
Another day, outside of meditation, I seem to have connected to my inner 7-8 year old. I used to write animal stories at that age adding my own drawings.?
That day, I felt the urge to draw a giraffe.
¨A giraffe?!¨, my mind judgingly inquired.
¨Oh why not!¨, I thought to myself. And so, I sat down with a notebook and a pencil expecting to draw the most awful giraffe I could imagine.?
With some help of the internet, I started drawing a giraffe, finding myself pretty pleased with the result. My inner child smiled. I felt a sense of relief and contentment.?
Then suddenly, it occurred to me that I am living in a city that has a zoo. They must have giraffes at the zoo! And so, my inner child goes, “please, please, please, let’s go and see some giraffes!” ??
I felt silly at first, but hey, why not! The next day, I took my inner child to the zoo. We wandered around, took pictures of zebras and elephants and peacocks. Where are the giraffes!?
Finally, we found them. I know you will judge me, but I have never felt so excited about seeing giraffes as an adult. It was the highlight of my day.?
By the way, Giraffes are associated with patience, taking a higher perspective, and gracefulness.
Thank you, inner 7-year old. I got the message!
Key terms to explore related to movement & flow:??
TEDx Talk:
Did you find this Issue valuable? Leave me a comment or send me a message. I love to hear if this connects with you!
Un abrazo