Issue 29 | Bloom with Ruth Penfold-Brown

Hello beautiful human

First of all, do you get my weekly newsletter yet? If not, I promise you you need it. Each week I get messages like this:

'Sis, this is what I needed to hear today: the passive nudge of being courageous, and it should just be there, right? But it wasn’t at the front, where I needed it to be.'

'You always seem to drop the content I need at key moments! A big thank you for this as always.'

'Love the newsletter today! Overworking – this one gets me a lot. When I’m not working should I be doing more? Should I not be relaxing...?'

Sometimes, you see, the Universe works through others, to give you the messages you need to hear. Sign up here.

And my BIG message for today is... what do you need to?see in your life that you are not seeing??

I was on a coaching this call recently with one of my?goddesses?in Bloom, and we got onto the topic of learned helplessness. She was powerfully calling out that, due to her 'command and control' CEO taking over and dictating everything, she could see herself and the leadership team around her gradually stopping stepping up with challenge and ideas.?

Have you felt like that before...??

Learned helplessness?is a psychological condition where?you feel powerless to change?your situation, so you accept it.

In the workplace, as women we experience this when we face systemic barriers, biases, or lack of recognition over time. This can lead to an often unconscious belief that our actions will not affect our circumstances, causing us to accept the status quo.

One of my favourite analogies I use to explain this, is that of when we stop seeing the terrible wallpaper.?

Imagine you buy a house, and when you look around it, you see the terrible wallpaper in the downstairs bathroom, and you are sure that you will tackle it asap. But when you move in, other things land on your plate, and before you know it, it's been three years and you have stopped seeing the terrible wallpaper.?

Sound familiar??

We don't just stop seeing the terrible wallpaper at work, we do it at home too.?

I was with my ex husband 12 years before I left him and the truth is,?the relationship was wrong from the beginning. The actual beginning.

As I look back at that moment in time, there weren’t just red flags around me, there were actual fires.?

The warning signs were clear; yet somewhere in the haze of those fires, I told myself that this was the path that I wanted, and taught myself to believe we could build something together. I committed.

By choosing to ignore the clear signs that were there, I soon became somewhat numb to the bad things.

The more bad things that occurred, the more numb I became. I passively challenged things as they occurred along the way, but I didn’t want to take the risk of learning the real truth of what was happening in my world in case that meant I lost the thing that I had at the time. I was afraid and through my fear I learned to ignore the reality of my situation and become wilfully blind.

The good news, is that I eventually found the courage to leave, and started my journey that would lead me to all of you.?

In the context of women in the workplace, learned helplessness can manifest in several ways:

?? We won't apply for promotions?

?? We don't speak up when we see things that don't feel right

?? We accept things that aren't fair for ourselves?

Some of this is just the brain’s way of keeping us safe.

The brain thinks it is doing its job by minimising pain, but actually in doing so can keep us in a situation that actually harms us more and for a longer period of time.

So what can we do about it?

To really get better at being honest with ourselves about the reality of the situations we find ourselves in sooner, we have to start by developing our relationship with ourselves. That’s the only way your true inner voice can ever be heard.

Then, we have to challenge and agitate our environment and ourself within it.?

Challenge takes bravery, guts and determination. If the life that you have lived so far hasn’t equipped you with what it takes to challenge the status quo around you (whether personal or professional), there is still hope. Like so many things, you can work to get better at it like I have.

In Margaret Heffernan’s brilliant book on Wilful Blindness she buckets the habits we need to get better at into two areas:

#1 Critical thinking

To really think critically, we need to overcome the urge to people please. Start small on this stuff, and just begin asking yourself the question; “What am I not seeing here?”. Lean on your community too, what do they see that you don't see??

#2 Courage

Just like anything that takes a little practice, the only way you get better at doing it is by doing it. So your courage muscle can be increased by daring to be brave, perhaps just in small ways at first. Set boundaries, start saying no and see what grows.?

So... what do you need to?see that you are not seeing??

You deserve to live an amazing life, a joyful life and a life where you feel safe enough to express who you really are.?

I'm here to help you build it.?

Rooting for you always

Ruth x

How do we create community?

Heart to heart, that's how.

When I started working on Bloom, I knew I was answering my souls call to bring my heart to the world. What I didn't realise was the aliveness that I would feel.

Last week, we welcome two new women into the Bloom Together community, and it felt SO good. Fay van der Westhuizen Natalie Schmidt WELCOME! Also welcome to Vanessa Monsequeira who joined recently tooooooooo!

Thank you for blessing and lifting me with your energy Bloom crew, we rise together ??♀???♀???♀???♀???♀???♀?Hanna Smith FCIPD Natasha Norman Krutika Srinivasan Leigh Scholefield Gemma Lockhart also in the pic in the Bloom platform.

If you want to hear more about Bloom, comment below or DM me the word Bloom and I will share everything you need to know ??