Issue #23: 3 Observations from a Non-Doctor

If you work in human services, the most important things about your clients are never in the DSM or ICD.

People are not their diagnoses or their symptoms. They are also not their challenging behaviors, family arrangements, or any other variable that might be included in an intake or referral.

In my time in this field, I have had clients from all walks of life voice concerns, interests, struggles, and accomplishments. This also means that very often, I've gotten to hear the "why" behind such milestones.

And very often, those "why"s are illuminating.

I'm not a doctor and you will find none of the following observations in a diagnostic manual. I also claim nothing regarding the science behind these things, nor that they represent the experience of all neurodivergent individuals.

I just share them here because keeping them in the back of my mind has greatly improved my competence as a practitioner.

#1 - Neurodivergent individuals frequently feel on the outside of the "neurotypical collective"

(Yes, that is a reference to the Borg Collective.)

"This is like speaking another language!"

"Why don't they understand me?"

"I don't get them! They make no sense!"

And the phrase I hear most frequently: "How do they know that?!"

The clients that I have worked with tell me that it's like neurotypical people are all connected to a hive mind. They can all understand each other and know what to do and when to do it. They decode body language, voice tone, subtleties, social conventions, and a whole host of other details with ease.

And many neurodivergent people I've worked with know they are not connected to the hive mind.

This is why masking, or mimicking socially acceptable behavior, tends to be so exhausting.

Because all of the things neurotypical people seemingly do without thinking, require conscious thought on part of the neurodivergent person.

And due to the disconnect to the hive mind, it's very difficult to predict what people will do. Context varies, peoples' emotional states vary, social statuses vary, expectations vary . . . no one social situation is the same.

Imagine doing a lot of research to prepare for a presentation. You know the topic like the back of your hand. You've accounted for all possibilities. You give your talk.

And then you get the comment: "You were asked to talk about this other topic."

HUH? How did they know that? It never said that in your speaker invite!

It's disorienting, confusing, shocking, upsetting . . . all of the things.

You might also see this point referred to as feeling like "an anthropologist on Mars," after the Oliver Sacks book of the same name.

It is also described quite eloquently here: https://themighty.com/topic/autism-spectrum-disorder/autism-feels-like-being-born-on-the-wrong-planet/

#2 - The neurodivergent person usually thinks in black and white for a reason

Certainty is comforting.

Do you think a person who feels like others are speaking another language has a lot of certainty in their everyday life?

If it were me, I would cling to any certainty I could get.

Breaking things down into graspable, provable, irrefutable facts introduces order where there previously was chaos.

"You said we would leave at 8. It's 8:03."

It's past the time we were supposed to leave, but we haven't left . . . so what now? What do I do? How long until we leave? Is it the car? What's wrong? Is something wrong?

Certainty lets a person know exactly what to expect. Very often, this also implies what is expected of them.

Change (any kind of change) throws off that sense of certainty.

"There's a fire drill, come on."

What does that mean? What do you want me to do? If it's a drill, why do I have to stop what I'm doing? But if I ask these questions, I'll get yelled at for not moving. But why do I have to move?!

I would struggle with transitions too.

#3 - The neurodivergent brain struggles to (and in many cases, cannot) filter sensory information

Imagine going to the grocery store.

You get your cart, grab the items you need, check out, and go home. Chances are, you barely noticed anything outside of this familiar routine. Maybe a stray cart in the parking lot or a new flavor of a favorite product, but that's mostly it.

The neurodivergent brain is noticing everything.

The overhead lights are buzzing and flickering. The light is bouncing off the apples and hurts your eyes. Carts are rattling around on squeaky wheels and crooked metal frames. Your clothes feel prickly. The cart's handles are cold and have sharp edges. The person brushing past you is wearing strong perfume. The music is loud. People are having side conversations. A child is fussing.

Now, all of these things were happening when the neurotypical person went grocery shopping too.

They just got filtered out.

I suspect that the neurodivergent brain is often incredibly skilled at noticing details for a similar reason.

However, when there is no "off switch," it's easy to understand why sensory overwhelm happens.

There are many videos that give a firsthand account of sensory overwhelm. Like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPknwW8mPAM&ab_channel=NationalAutisticSociety

And this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KurXpARairU&ab_channel=CrabApples

And please, read the comments on such videos as well. They are usually written by neurodivergent individuals and give a much better account of lived experience than I ever could.