Issue 20 | Bloom with Ruth Penfold-Brown

Hello beautiful human

I am so happy that you are here and I hope your summer is exactly what you want it to be.

I am getting ready to head back to Bristol, my home town in the UK for the Balloon Fiesta (lots of hot air balloons in the sky basically haha) and to see my sister for her 40th birthday ??

Last week I shared on LinkedIn that I have previously been invited to leave a company and offered a settlement agreement that I accepted.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I coach so many women in this situation, where, for whatever reason, they are being invited to leave a company. There's usually a surprise performance issue, some workplace gaslighting and a whole lot of self doubt that comes with it.

What happens is we internalise it, and see it as a total failure. We carry shame about it and that starts to creep into how we see ourselves in our career.

This has to stop.

When you speak to most leaders, I promise you that at some stage they will have been invited to leave a company. I appreciate it often means that we sign agreements not to talk about it, but by not acknowledging that it has happened to us, when it happens to others, they feel paralysed by it. Even when they work in HR and know that it happens to others.

Can we all just be a little more open with each other please? There is nothing wrong with any of us, sometimes we just aren't the right person to make a role successful and sometimes a company just chooses that they want something different, and that is okay. You are not a failure.

I have never coached anyone who has given anything less than their best in those circumstances, even if it didn't result in what the company wanted.

It's never going to be an easy thing when it happens, but as quickly as you can, I recommend the following:

?? Shake off the 'performance issue' narrative. Often those are magnified as part of the exit process to get you to sign. Look instead at your track record, build your casefile of excellence (a list of all your achievements and praise) and check in with people that see you as the shining light that you are.

?? Connect back in with who you really are, what you stand for and what you really want, move forward from that place and that place alone. If you want my values exercise, DM me.

?? Change your environment, do things that light you up and be your own best partner whilst you weather the storm.

If you can do that, you'll soon realise that a better reality awaits you like a shiny new dawn.

In the reboot of Bloom, I am creating a safe space for women to share things like this openly. The next iteration is all about

If you want to overcome imposter syndrome and claim the title and career that you deserve, here are three things to have front of mind as you step into this:

1. Your community is everything. Women are great at fighting for others and horrible at fighting for ourselves. Intentionally building the right tribe of peers around you who understand that their role is to empower and unblock each other. This is exactly what the next season of Bloom is all about.
2. Whilst the modern workplace isn’t made for us, it is only part of the problem. You have to be willing to learn a different way of being, and be prepared to work against the expectations of women in the workplace. That can feel a little uncomfortable at first.
3. You will have to lean into fear to step into your power. That means moving beyond being a great consultant into being a powerful and decisive leader. That means mastering your nervous system, setting boundaries and leaning into your zone of genius.

Bloom is coming back! I hope to launch the?next iteration?in September time, and will keep you all updated

Big love, Ruth

Ps. If you'd like to start getting a weekly newsletter from me rather than waiting for a whoooole month, you can sign up?here.

One of the biggest things I wish I knew before I became a Chief People Officer was that authenticity is the essential ingredient in leadership.

Authenticity is a buzzword these days I know. The truth is, it’s a near impossible thing to achieve, especially as a woman in the workplace.

I didn’t learn it fully until I was already in leadership roles, struggling to find my voice. I want something different for all of you. I want you to get there sooner.

Watch the video to find out more.

Do you feel like you are getting gaslit at work? Try this ????

When I was in my early/mid 30's, I became aware that I was being gaslit at work. Don't get me wrong, it had happened before haha, this was just the first time I did anything about it.?

I had a great role, I loved my work but I could sense that one particular leader had a different energy towards me than others. When I shared ideas, they would either shoot them down, or simply passively resist them - you know, when people go, 'great ideas, let me come back to you' and then don't.

At first I internalised it and made it about me. Perhaps I wasn't really cut out for this role, it was my first time being 'in-house' and I'd had a lot of imposter syndrome coming in, so I simply allowed that narrative to own me.

I felt small, I often felt silly, and I just hoped that I would keep 'getting away' with being there, and that I wouldn't get found out as the imposter than I felt I was.

Then one day one of my colleagues mentioned that they had noticed a difference in how that person was towards me vs others. It was the validation I needed. I shared my experiences with that person, they shared more detail in what they had seen, and I knew I had to do something. I also knew that this was a sensitive situation as this person wielded a lot of power over my career.

I knew I had to step up to change my experience at work, but I had to do so in a way where everyone still got to win.

I prepared to have a conversation with the person in question, setting the foundation for what was to become the 'empowered conversations' framework I now teach in Bloom.

1. I wrote everything out in my head and crystalised it into key messages.
2. I rehearsed the conversation like I was giving a presentation - it is so important that you don't say things for the first time when the stakes are high - practice practice practice.
3. I booked in time, and had the conversation. In this case, rather than making it me against them, I decided to take a different approach, one that was questioning vs accusing. It went a little like this: ‘I’m noticing a difference in how you speak to me and how you speak to Y, it makes me wonder if there is something underneath it that you aren't saying? Is there any other feedback you would like to share with me?’. Whilst the person denied that was the case, me pointing out that I had noticed the difference was actually enough. The person changed how they were with me moving forward.

I really believe being gaslit is one of the biggest things that keeps us small in our careers... and that learning to have empowered conversations is one of the ways that we can start to rise up against it.?

We are in this together ????