Issue #166: How the Band “Creed” Can Influence Your Life Choices, the Power of “I Don’t” vs. “I Can’t,” and More

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INSIGHTS (on leadership/self-leadership)

You mean well. You want to stay on track towards your goals, at work, and in life. But there are so many distractions and temptations to pull you off course.

Here’s a simple, but powerful trick to stay goal-focused (a topic I cover in depth in my new book, The Mentally Strong Leader .)

Think and say?“I don’t” versus “I can’t” in the face of goal-wrecking temptations. A classic study illustrates the power of doing so. Two groups of 60 people were given a chocolate candy bar to tempt them to stray from their dieting goals. One group was trained to use the words “I can’t” in resisting the chocolate bars, the other group to say “I don’t.” Those telling the researchers, and themselves, “I can’t eat chocolate” still chose to eat it 61% of the time. Those saying “I don’t eat chocolate,” ate it only 39% of the time.

A remarkable difference. But why?

It’s about the level of conviction. Saying “I don’t” when faced with a choice is unequivocal. There’s no wiggle room. It’s a fact, you just don’t, and you draw more resolve from saying out loud that you don’t. It even signals your identity, by saying “I’m not a person who does that.”

For example, I still get asked to give free keynotes at times. But I have revenue goals, like any other business, and must decline with a polite, “I’m sorry, I don’t give free talks.” Definitive. Nothing further to discuss. I stay on-track with my goal. But when I first started speaking, I’d say “I’m sorry, I can’t give free talks.” This?begs for the sentiment to be completed.?In other words, why can’t I give free talks? Now I was introducing wiggle room, opportunities to be counter-sold, new temptations to arise (oh, but I could do the talk for exposure, to build my brand, etc.)

By saying “I can’t,” I was assigning responsibility for the refusal elsewhere - “I can’t because…” – fill in the blank with something supposedly out of my control. That’s assailable. Saying, “I don’t”? Uncontestable. It helps keep me on track for a specific goal. It can do the same for you.

IMPERFECTIONS (a mistake I've made)

I recently attended the Creed reunion tour, and while I was taking in doses of nostalgia in between electric riffs, Creed front man, Scott Stapp, reminded me of something important.

He alluded to his well-documented problems with substance abuse, all that his band has had to overcome over the years, and how much of it was their own doing. Then they tore into their hit, “My Own Prison,” to underscore the point.

It got me thinking – we’ve probably all lived in a prison of our own making before. For me, it was the treadmill I had created in my corporate life. Work hard, get promoted, repeat. Consequences be damned, actual desire for the next level-up unimportant, state of my soul inconsequential, unfulfilled yearnings mere collateral damage.

My own prison. But I broke free.

Are you currently behind self-imposed bars in some way in your life? A toxic relationship you’ve deemed you’re trapped in? A job or career path long since no longer for you? A manufactured, persistent belief that you’ll never succeed at that thing you want to do, or that risk you want to take?

No judgment here. But do think of me as a judge trying to grant you parole. ?

IMPLEMENTATION (one research-backed strategy, tip, or tool)

Here’s a question I often get from new managers. “How do I give employees a new project when they already feel overloaded?” Of course, assuming that the new work is warranted and worthy, and that you’re taking something less important off their plates in exchange if possible, proceed as follows.

Make sure the project provides intrinsic and extrinsic reward. More work without more reward is rarely welcome. And even if the work must be done, the motivation might not exist to do it. Thus, the need for having intrinsic and extrinsic rewards baked into the new work.

Make it intrinsically motivating by asking employees to define what they want to get out of the new autonomous work (key word being “autonomous,” not “micro-managed”). Let them choose their own goals to go with the agreed upon objectives, or even help them brainstorm what's in it for them. For example, they could use the project to develop their leadership skills and decision-making capabilities. They may be interested in growing their ability to develop other people, increasing the rapport with their cross-functional partners, or just learning something new for the pleasure of learning.

Of course, don’t forget the good old-fashioned extrinsic reward and recognition that should accompany the added responsibility. Proper recognition for expanded responsibility that is well handled is a must, as are meaningful rewards.

?? Share this publication with a friend, see the keynotes/workshops I give at scottmautz.com and check out my LinkedIn Learning courses , taken over 1.5 million times (and counting)!

? Order my new book, The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors , called an “indispensable resource” by Dan Pink, and hailed by Starbucks new CEO (among other top-execs)