There isn’t a single day in life worth living like this

Former Chief Business Officer at Google’s (X), Mo Gawdat shares a brilliant process to face fears in his book Solve for Happy – a book about far more than just happiness that I’d highly recommend.

If you don’t feel too keen to jump right in on a topic that is confronting, well, that’s understandable, but if you’re serious about fulfilling your potential, then you’ll find a way to talk yourself into it, won’t you ?Think of a role model like Nelson Mandela or Malala Yousafzei (a Pakistani girl who stood up for girls’ education at 14 years old and was shot by the Taliban) or someone you personally know and admire for his/her bravery and resourcefulness when prospecting as inspiration if you need it.

These are Gawdat’s six steps. You will be thrilled with it once you’re fully done!

1.????Admit That You’re Afraid

“Imagine taking everything you were supposed to do next week and deciding not to do it.” This is the quickest way to dig a little and realise there is plenty you’re afraid of: fear of losing your job, fear of not supporting yourself and/or your family – of not being loved, fear of getting out of shape, fear of spoiling relationships – conflict or not being liked, fear of rejection, fear of failure – the list is endless.

Are you free? “If there’s something you want to do but aren’t able to, then you’re not free.” Therefore…

2.????Understand What Fear Is

It originates from a conditioned response = a past experience that can morph into something else, but the feeling stays the same and WORKS LIKE A CAGE.

3.????Name Your Fear

This may seem like a fog at first. The list of fears is endless.

“At a fundamental level, many of us fear finding out who we really are and what about ourselves we need to fix.”

As a result, we limit our life to cope with what we deny. Think about what this really means for a moment. Doesn’t this make you sad?

We all have ‘coping’ behaviours that include many socially acceptable activities where we escape the thinking required. It’s much easier to grab a beer and watch some sports or decide to bury yourself online to shop for clothes your kids need than face this topic.?

4.????Understand Your Brain’s Fear Games

Our brains are very good at hiding the real source of our fears.

You have to pluck up some courage now and dig a bit. Gawdat uses fear of public speaking as a smoke-screen example – use these questions:

“What is it you are really afraid of?

I am afraid of saying something silly in front of a large audience.

And why would that scare you?

I am afraid of being judged or ridiculed.

And why would that scare you?

Because I may get rejected as a result.”

This fearful rationalisation can become a slippery slope and hard-wired way of fearful thinking in this area and then bleed into others. The ‘threats’ that our brains come up with get exaggerated – it’s like our media’s so-called news coverage. It has to keep escalating or you won’t watch it unless it’s called ‘breaking news,’ ‘crisis’ or ‘storm team weather alert’.

Our deeper fears more typically include a fear of not being loveable, of being alone, and feeling like a failure. I’ve felt these deeply too so I’m not casually tossing these terms around. They can eat at you and lead you to feeling despair and shame – and “we become perpetually unhappy, not because life is unfair but because our expectations are totally blurred by the Illusion of Fear.”

All this sabotages you from fulfilling your potential because you’re scared or anxious and when you feel that way it is rare you take a lot of empowered action. So, you - we all - have to step up and take the time to name and face our fears or we stay in that cage.?

5.????Take the Vow

The first solution to making progress is to do something – since fear creates anxiety about the future and paralyses you.

Providence favours the bold. Get resourceful. Hustle it up. Stick your neck out: “Do you truly believe that the orbiting of the planet and the cycles of the unfolding lives of more than seven billion people are here just to scare you? If life were really out to get you, do you believe that your flimsy protection would keep you safe? Well, you’re kidding yourself: you’d be toast.

The only thing life wants is to be experienced.”

I believe so much of our life boils down to this observation:?

“Some of us fear confronting a bully; some fear making our first presentation; some fear leaving a bad relationship; some fear walking up to a stranger and saying hello. But when we act in spite of our fear, we realise that there is nothing to fear. It’s challenging at first, but once you overcome your fear, you realise it was well worth the effort.

Are you ready to take on that challenge?”

6.????Take the Leap

Now it’s time to take the leap of faith and believe you will be okay – likely far, far more than just okay. There is a very good chance that it will move you out of your cage/comfort zone and towards fulfilling more of your potential. You might stun yourself with what you’re capable of – you’ve done it before. I know this is possible. So do you.

Gawdat has a series of sensational questions to get you there:

?a)???What’s the worst that can happen?

?Fine, this is the hardest part. Dig deep. Could you lose your job? Your marriage?

What is the worst that can happen if I…

What's worse than that?

Is that the worst?

Can it be worse?

Can you think of any worse scenarios??

“I know you must be hurting now just thinking about it; please forgive me. But I have great news for you.” Now you’re at rock bottom, from here it is all upside…

b)???So what??

“So what if I lose your job? Will my life end there? Will I starve to death? So what if they boo me off stage? Will I cease to exist?...you can survive.”

c)????How likely is it?

How many times have you seen this scenario actually happen? “Do the math. Keep climbing.”

d)???Is there anything I can do to prevent this scenario?

This is Gawdat’s favourite question because it causes you to turn your fear into HIGH ACTIVITY. If that much is on the line, do everything you humanly can and work every minute to make it not happen. Leave it all out there on the field.?

e)???Can I recover?

If you lose the slight odds and it still doesn't work out, will you eventually dig out of your hole and very possibly find yourself in a better place? “It’ll be a bit unpleasant, I admit, but that will pass just like every other unpleasant experience in your life so far has passed.”

The key is you’ve unmasked the fear that your brain has locked you into. The rest is imagination. This scariest of scenarios doesn’t end your life. “When you take action, you reduce its possibility even further. And if it ever does happen, you will always find a path to recovery. What a relief!”

SHIFT HAPPENS: Now shift your thinking to the empowered:

f)????What will happen if I do nothing?

A-ha! Now you face your status quo – the underwhelming level of health and fitness; the tolerated abuse or dysfunction in the relationship; the shame; the feelings of failure you bury in a certain part of your life; the periodic coming-nowhere-near-your-potential that you feel and try to bury; the disappointment you feel sometimes at the type of parent or partner or professional you are.

What happens if you stay stuck for the rest of your years? How sour is that permanent expression on your face going to be in later life?

“I promise you this: what you suffer when you stay in fear is almost always more damaging than facing your fear. This is the reason your brain exaggerates your fears so much: to make them a bigger threat than the pain you currently feel. It has to – otherwise you’d get rid of them easily!”?

I’d urge you to read those last two lines again. Our brains are creating a lot of FICTION. (It doesn't hurt to have some faith here that the universe has got your back).

g)????What is the BEST-case scenario?

The real question to ask is this: What’s the BEST that can happen?

What is the upside when things work out? Why should you let yourself miss out on that possibility? Okay - Maybe your brain has also done a number on your worthiness. Well, that voice in your head isn’t the real you so now you can discredit all that and get on with seeing what you’re capable of.

Life stops testing you with the same fear once you face it. Gawdat’s biggest fear was a fear of failure and the ultimate form of that for him was to be out of a job. “I chose to walk right into the centre of my fear. I found joy in the freedom...I knew then that if I lost my job, life would still find a way. So I left, and that’s just what life did…Fast-forward and today I love the work I do. There was nothing to fear.”

Gawdat concludes in this beautifully powerful and compelling section of his book with this: There isn’t a single day in life worth living in fear.

?To facing your fears! Now.

Matt

Copyright Matt Anderson, 2023