It isn't over yet

6th December, most people are counting down to Christmas, for me its a reminder of my attack 4 years ago now, its gone fast in some ways, but in others, with all the hospital appointments, dentist, doctors, court, its been a very long journey.

When someone makes such a vicious attack on anyone its something that will stay for a lifetime, thoughts, nightmares, even seeing that person occasionally out and about makes me sick to my stomach, i now suffer from PTSD, well maybe i should change that statement a bit, i have PTSD yes, but i wont say i suffer, not anymore.

Learning to control PTSD is life changing in itself, a little bit of blue in a dark cloudy sky, aim and cling to it, keep sane.

People ask how i'm still smiling, still making others laugh, taking time to talk to others with problems, i suppose i had to wait till i was ready, truly ready to let go, ask for help and take on board what i needed to do to get past my past.

I am kind of glad it happened now...weird? probably haha but i have had such a traumatic life from being young, depression, losing dad, abuse, losing my brother to suicide, other stuff i wont list. then this happened, brutally beaten, maybe it was the last straw? maybe it was get real help and stick with it, stop being a victim and take charge eureka moment because of this that also inadvertently helped me let go of a lot of my past traumas.

I wont forget all the stuff, that's not what its about, its about changing how you think about this stuff, change your mindset, allow yourself to switch off and reboot. find a way, there's something out there for everyone that makes us feel good, even for a few minutes, grab the moment, keep it in your head and visit as often as you need. its more powerful than you realise. write all the crap down and then list all the positives from it, talk, write, blog, it doesn't matter, just release it somehow, reward yourself and visit the place in your head that makes you smile. my journey isn't over, of that i am sure, but i am sure it wont be as crap as the first half of my life...