The Irony Of Those Auto Show Reveal Shows

THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF WHINING, MAINLY FROM GRIZZLED OLD REPORTERS LIKE ME WHO HAVE COVERED THE DETROIT AUTO SHOW SINCE THE INVENTION OF THE WHEEL, OR AT LEAST 1989 WHEN IT BECAME AN INTERNATIONAL SHOW.

I GOT TO DETROIT IN THE MIDDLE OF 89 WHEN CNN TRANSFERRED ME UP HERE TO BE THE BUREAU CHIEF AND CORRESPONDENT…BY MY REQUEST.. SO 1990’S SHOW WAS MY FIRST. YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST.

OH MAN, I’D NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. THOUSANDS OF JOURNALISTS AND TV CAMERA CREWS AND MORE HANGERS ONS THAN A DIDDY’S PRISON POSSE.

THOUSANDS? OF CARS AND TRUCKS ON DISPLAY AND, KNOWING WHAT REPORTERS REALLY WANT, MANY OF THE CAR COMPANIES PROVIDE FREE FOOD AND COFFEE AT THEIR STANDS. HELL, VOLKSWAGEN EVEN HAD A TAP RUNNING SPAATEN BIER LATER IN THE AFTERNOON.

OVER THE COURSE OF THREE DAYS THERE MIGHT BE AS MANY AS 55 SEPARATE NEWS CONFERENCE AND PRODUCT REVEALS..A LOT OF THEM WITH ELABORATE, MEANING EXPENSIVE, PRODUCTIONS.

WITH THAT MANY EVENTS VYING FOR REPORTERS’ ATTENTION, THE COMPETITION WAS CRAZY…SO A HANDFUL OF AUTOMAKERS WOULD SHELL OUT, IN SOME CASES, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO STAGE ELABORATE SHOWS OR STUNTS.

A NEW JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE WOULD CRASH THROUGH THE FRONT WINDOW OF WHAT WAS THEN CALLED COBO HALL. CELEBRITIES WOULD MAKE EASY MONEY APPEARING IN SOME OF THE VEHICLE UNVEILING PROGRAMS, LONG ENOUGH TO SAY HOW MUCH THEY LOVED WHATEVER BRAND. HELL, ONE YEAR EVA LONGORIA SAID LIKE FOUR WORDS AS SHE HURRIED ACROSS THE STAGE LOOKING LIKE SHE WAS MORE EMBARRASSED TO BE THERE THAN A EUNUCH IN A FLOPHOUSE.

SOME OF SHOWS WERE AMAZING AND MEMORABLE…LIKE THAT JEEP CRASHING THROUGH? THE WINDOW, NISSAN MOUNTING A LIVE ACTION VERSION OF ITS WONDERFUL BARBIE AND KEN THEMED TV COMMERCIAL, MERCEDES BENZ HAD AN ARTIST SPEED PAINT A PICTURE OF THE CAR IT WAS REVEALING.

CHRYSLER WAS THE KING OF THESE KINDS OF SPECTACULAR MOMENTS..ASIDE THE JEEP TRICK, THERE WAS THE EARTHQUAKE SIMULATION TO REVEAL THE DODGE DURANGO, A MINIVAN LITERALLY LEAPFROGGING THROUGH THE AIR TO SHOW HOW CHRYSLER’S VERSION OF THE FAMILY HAULER LEAPFROGGED THE COMPETITION..GET IT?

THE MOST NOTORIOUS WAS THE FAMOUS CATTLE DRIVE TO PROMOTE THE NEW RAM PICKUP TRUCK. IT’S WHERE SCORES OF LONGHORN STEERS WERE PARADED DOWN THE STREET IN FRONT OF THE HALL.

ONE PROBLEM. A NUMBER OF THE STEERS APPEARED TO BE ENGAGED IN, UM, BARNYARD NOOKIE WITH EACH OTHER. THEY WEREN’T ACTUALLY COW-P ULATING, SORRY, JUST VYING FOR SPACE, BUT THE IMAGE WAS INDELIBLE AND THAT’S WHAT GOT THE INK…NOT THE SUBJECT OF THE VERY EXPENSIVE STUNT.

AND THAT’S WHAT I’M LEADING TO.

SHOOTING THE BREEZE WITH REPORTERS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS I’VE KNOWN FOR YEARS WHO COVERED THE DETROIT SHOW BACK IN THE DAY OF SHOWBIZ EXCESS, THERE WAS INEVITABLE GROUSING ABOUT HOW BORING THE SHOW IS NOW. NO SPARKLE, NO THEATRICAL REVEALS.?

YES, THE SHOWS CUT THROUGH THE CLUTTER AND MAYBE WON AN AUTOMAKER A SPOT IN A TV NEWS REPORT, A SPLASHY PHOTO ON THE FRONT PAGE OF NEWSPAPERS, FOR SURE, THEY WERE ALL COOL TO SEE, SHOOT AND INCLUDE IN YOUR STORIES, BUT? THE REALITY IS, FOR THE MOST PART, IT WAS MONEY POORLY SPENT.

PERHAPS THE MOST ILLUSTRATIVE EXAMPLE OCCURRED DURING THE TIME I WORKED AT CHRYSLER AS HEAD OF ITS DIGITAL COMMUNICATIONS TEAM.

THE MARKETING WIZARDS WHO DREAMED UP THESE PRODUCT REVEALS WERE SURE THEY HAD A WINNER TO PROMOTE A NEW CHRYSLER SUV FOR THE 2006 DETROIT SHOW.

THEY HIRED A CLOWN TROUPE THAT HAD EARNED SOME NOTORIETY WITH A PRODUCTION CALLED SLAVA’S SNOW SHOW.

THE COMPANY PAIRED THAT WITH THE INTRODUCTION OF THE DODGE CALIBER, AND HIRED ACTOR/COMEDIAN DAVID SPADE TO DO THE HONORS..

FIRST CAME SPADE, THEN CAME SLAVA..SPADE BOMBED, SLAVA KILLED BUT IN THE END, I DEFY YOU, EXCEPT LONGTIME AUTO BEAT REPORTERS, TO TELL ME WHAT VEHICLE THEY HELPED INTRODUCE. TAKE 10 SECONDS TO THINK ABOUT IT. OK..TIMES UP…THE CHRYSLER ASPEN SUV, WHICH WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A GUSSIED UP DODGE DURANGO.

YOU CAN WATCH THE ENTIRE FIASCO HERE.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IGPPDu5x6A&t=968s

BY THE WAY, BOTH THE CALIBER AND ASPEN LIVED SHORT LIVES AND WERE LESS MEMORABLE THAN? THE BIG BUCKS SHOWS THAT INTRODUCED THEM TO THE WORLD.

MORE EXAMPLES..TROTTING OUT CELEBRITIES TO PLAY EMBARRASSING ROLES IN PRODUCT INTRO PRESENTATIONS.

A FEW THAT STICK IN MY MIND…

I WAS STANDING SOMEWHERE A HUNDRED OR SO FEET AWAY FROM THE MERCEDES-BENZ STAND WHEN I HEARD POP SINGER COLBIE CAILLAT SINGING HER HIT AT THE TIME, BUBBLY. HUH? SURE ENOUGH, THE POOR LADY WAS ATTEMPTING TO SING HER LITTLE DITTY AMID THE DIN OF THE CAVERNOUS HALL WHERE A MILLION DIFFERENT SOUNDS COMPETED FOR SPACE ON EVERYONE’S EAR DRUMS..INCLUDING THE CHARMING RUMBLE OF THE PEOPLE MOVER TRAIN BOUNDING ALONG TRACKS JUST ABOVE THE CEILING.

JEEP, ?ONCE EMPLOYED NOTED AUTHOR KEN KESEY TO SPEAK, OR RECITE, OR MUMBLE. GREAT WRITER, BUT THE GUY JUST WOULDN’T STOP TALKING. THE CROWD OF JOURNALISTS THOUGHT THEY WERE IN FACT TRANSPORTED TO THE ASYLUM IN KESEY’S ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST. IT WAS A VERBOSITY MONSTROSITY.

I’M SURE THERE ARE PLENTY MORE EXAMPLES, BUT WHY BEAT A DEAD STRATEGY. THE BOTTOM LINE IS, FOR THE MOST PART, THE EXPENSE OF STAGING A SHOW TO REVEAL A NEW CAR OR TRUCK ONLY PROVIDED MEMORIES OF THE SHOW, AND DIDN’T RESULT IN THE PAYOFF OF SELLING THE VEHICLES THAT WERE THE SUBJECT OF THEM.

BUT YOU KNOW, TIMES CHANGE. THE AUTO INDUSTRY WENT THROUGH BANKRUPTCIES AND RECESSION AWHILE BACK. AUTOMAKERS DECIDED THEY HAD NO BUDGET TO PUT ON? BIG TIME REVEAL SHOWS OR BUILD TWO-STORY STANDS.

THEN SOCIAL MEDIA BECAME A THING AND THE CAR COMPANIES DISCOVERED THEY COULD JUST STAGE THEIR OWN REVEALS ONLINE WITHOUT PAYING THE PRICE AND NOT COMPETING TO BE SEEN AND HEARD IN THE NOISE OF AN AUTO SHOW.

ONE BY ONE AUTO COMPANIES DECIDED NOT TO PARTICIPATE IN AUTO SHOWS.

THEN COVID. THE DETROIT SHOW WAS CANCELED, THEN MOVED FROM JANUARY TO THE FALL. NICE WEATHER, BUT THE CROWDS WEREN’T THERE AND MORE AUTOMAKERS BAILED. THE ORGANIZERS HONESTLY COULDN’T FILL THE FLOOR. I ACTUALLY ENDED UP INTERVIEWING FOLKS FROM COMPANIES WHO MADE VERTICAL TAKEOFF AND LANDING PERSONAL AIRCRAFT WHO WERE GIVEN SPACE JUST TO FILL THE GAPS. SAD.

SO FAST FORWARD TO NOW. THE COBO NAME WAS DROPPED BECAUSE IT WAS ASSOCIATED WITH A FORMER DETROIT MAYOR WHO WAS A RACIST. NOW IT’S CALLED HUNTINGTON PLACE..HUNTINGTON’S THE NAME OF A BANK. EVERYONE, WELL EVERYONE OF A CERTAIN AGE JUST STILL CALLS THE PLACE COBO. IT’S EASIER. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT IN YOUR STORIES.

I WENT DOWN THERE ON THE NIGHT BEFORE THE ONE MEDIA DAY FOR A FORD EVENT. WAS A COOL PROGRAM. THEY UNVEILED A FEW SPECIAL EDITION VEHICLES, DETROIT LIONS QUARTEBACK JARED GOFF CAME OUT..TOSSS A FEW BALLS TO THE CROWD AND THEY HAD SOME FUN FOOD.

BUT AS I STOOD AROUND TRADING WAR STORIES WITH A GROUP OF MY CONTEMPORARIES WHO HAD COVERED 35 YEARS OF DETROIT AUTO SHOWS AND REMEMBERED THE OLD DAYS IT BECAME WHINE AND JEEZ…COMPLAINING THAT THIS YEAR’S SHOW WAS SHIT….WHY COVER IT AT ALL WITH NO REAL BIG REVEALS..NOT EVEN ONE ON THE SINGLE MEDIA DAY. EXECS…HMM..MAYBE A FEW WALKING AROUND BUT NOT REALLY SITTING FOR HOURS OF INTERVIEWS. EVEN THE FOOD WAS SPARSE.

LOOK. THINGS CHANGE. YOU HAVE TO ROLL WITH IT. I’M AFRAID I WAS PART OF THE PROBLEM WHEN I RAN CHRYSLER’S DIGITAL COMMUNICATIONS TEAM STARTING IN 2006, I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR DECIDING TO WEBCAST THE REVEALS LIVE TO ALLOW OUR CUSTOMERS TO SEE THE GOOD STUFF FIRST HAND, AND SAVE OUT OF TOWN JOURNALISTS THE NEED TO MAKE THE TRIP TO DETROIT IN THE WINTER.

THAT WAS A START. THEN I BOUGHT WEBCAST GEAR? FOR THE COMPANY SO WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY EXHORBITANT FEES TO OURSOURCE WEBCAST PRODUCTION WHICH ALSO GAVE US THE ABILITY TO STAGE A PRODUCT REVEAL ANYTIME ANYWHERE …NOT JUST AT AUTO SHOWS.

THE INTERSECTION OF TECHNOLOGY AND BUDGET CRUNCHING PAVED A ROAD TOWARD LOWER KEY, IF ANY,? PARTICIPATION IN AUTO SHOWS.

I CERTAINLY DON’T MISS THE BATAAN DEATH MARCH OF ATTEMPTING TO RUN TO AND COVER 55 NEWS CONFERENCES OVER THREE MEDIA DAYS BUT AS I WALKED OFF THE FLOOR FOR THE LAST TIME TODAY I HAD THE FEELING IT MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME FOREVER…AS A REPORTER AT LEAST.

I REALLY DIDN’T GET ANY STORY PITCHES FROM PR PEOPLE, WHICH IS A MISTAKE. IF YOU’RE COMPANY OR CLIENT IS DISPLAYING AT THE SHOW, FIND A NEWS WORTHY ANGLE TO GET ‘EM SOME COVERAGE.

BUT HERE’S THE THING. DON’T EVER SAY AUTO SHOWS ARE DEAD. OH, MAYBE THEY’RE DEAD AS MEDIA EVENTS, BUT WE HAVE THE TENDANCY TO THNK WE’RE ALL SO FREAKIN’ IMPORTANT.?

IF YOU’RE IN THE MARKET FOR A NEW RIDE, THERE’S NO BETTER PLACE IN THE WORLD THAN GOING TO AN AUTO SHOW WHERE YOU CAN CHECK OUT ALMOST ANY VEHICLES..PLOP IN THE SEATS, SEE IF YOUR FEET REACH THE PEDALS, THE SEATS ARE COMFY, THERE ARE ENOUGH CUP HOLDERS FOR THOSE LATTES AND BIG GULPS, ROOM FOR THE KIDS AND ALL THEIR CRAP, ROOM FOR THE FAMILY DOG…A THIRD ROW FOR STASHING THE IN-LAWS….ALL WITHOUT BEING HECTORED BY A SALES PERSON WHO’S CAFFEINATED ON CLOSING AFTER WATCHING GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS ONE TOO MANY TIMES.?

I DON’T KNOW IF I’LL COME BACK TO COVER THE AUTO SHOW NEXT YEAR BECAUSE I’M SEMI-RETIRED AND MAY JUST DECIDE TO FINALLY HANG IT UP…I DO KNOW WHEN MY FOUR-WHEELER GOES BELLY UP AND IT’S TIME TO FIND A SUCCESSOR, IF THE AUTO SHOW IS ON, I’M IN.

SO FELLOW JOURNALISTS, QUIT THE WHINING…IF WE’RE ASSIGNED TO COVER THE SHOW, FIGURE OUT SOME ANGLES, WRITE YOUR STORIES…I ACTUALLY WROTE TWO. WAS IT HARD? NOT AT ALL..HERE’S THE SECRET ..THE PUBLIC LOVES CARS. THEY’LL GET IN YOUR LAP IF YOU TELL EM A STORY ABOUT ‘EM. ESPECIALLY IF IT FEATURES A MOCHA LATTE IN A CUPHOLDER.

AND GUESS WHAT…THOSE BIG TIME BIG BUCKS EXTRAVAGANZA’S OF THE PAST? WELL, THEY WERE FUN TO SEE AND WRITE ABOUT EVEN IF THEY REALLY DIDN’T MOVE THE METAL.

THE SHOW GOES ON…JUST WITHOUT THE SHOWS.

THEN AGAIN, ALL ALONG THE REAL STARS... ARE THE CARS.